Do I really have to do it again?

It's like being intimate with someone that you don't like, that's why I'm sad.

UD

means

wet*

for me it's only a nightmare,

*(This is not a tentative to be proud of Romanian language or anything, just something meaningless and quirky, I hate Romanian more than probably any other language because it's made to allow MASSCONFUSUON Amplified)

I don't care that you're a 'm' ~ I never ate a full meal but I'm not that unevolved to be happy just because me L F can interact with a M and oh look I got the feelies again feels like making love now show me what you want me to think about and I'll pretend I'm ok with that in RL knowing you don't understand anyway. No, I never wanted to be a lolologist / sexy teacher / bla bla I was born to live, no? Ha! I wanted to earn a living, in my own way, adapted after what I saw in the world around me.

Not one friend or one I sniff Correct. (In Full Version. I wouldn't mind having friends that are/have versions ~!= be a project!~, but I don't want that in a mate!)

Sick of pleasing losers. (Wasting time makes us losers too, no?~ Your whole life is a waste of time. Some people actually find inner delight hearing this. Others are afraid to admit what that really means ~ I'm too nub to see anyway)

Cui i-am dat, de fapt, orgasmele pe care le-am pus pe siteul asta de cacat pe  care imi e sila sa ma loghez ca sa ''muncesc''?

Macar atat merit sa stiu.

Daca i-as vedea fatza

Poate m-as simti si mai oribil

Dar poate mi-ar veni idei noi

Ca sa pot supravietui altfel cosmarului asta.

[...]

Earnings from services provided via Internet. ~ Adica copiii luati in fiecare luna? :)

Wow

Deci despre asta este viata.

Chiar ca nu mai am ce sa fac aici

Sa ma masturbez imaginandu-mi porn deja imaginat, ca sa CE?!

Da alea care ''raman'' (insarcinate) ce fac cu copii lor, ca nu-s aia de-i vad eu pe strada/ la TV/ prin reviste, etc aratand ca niste costume de carne mici.

🤮

Chemarea e altceva

O invitatie folosita prost. FFFacilitezi Nimicul... Self expression? :)

M-am saturat sa ma tratezi ca pe o proasta, proasta tuturor... Sincer. Nu merit asta. Indiferent de initiala sau poveste. Ei tot cer si atat... Cer si nimic... Eu nici macar nu stiu ce cui dau... E cineva care respira doar cand eu am ganduri negative despre anumite body parts. Blame G however you wish 4 this, nu se intampla nimic. E ceva gen.. Ok... Bun.. Am identificat. Nimic nu se intampla. 

I hate this song: 

No amount of 'children juice' can help me cope with the nonsense I've been subjected to 

Spune-le ca traiesc degeaba! {Tell them they're living for naught ~ because this can sound at least 3 different ways ~ lol ~ Eu traiesc, ei traiesc, la ei poate fi folosit de asemenea in 2 moduri. /paranoia.)

Nu eu trebuie sa invat sa vad lumea ca voi.

Nu vreau sa mai fim impreuna (ce inseamna pentru mine).

Come 

together

over

me

Pana 

cand

si

de

ce

?

Nu se intampla nimic!

Apoi vine la radio: "I can't stop loving you" si simt repulsie. Neplacere. Aud versurile si simt doar lipsa alegerii mele. Nu vocea sincera a unui tip sincer cu un mesaj sincer de transmis MIE. (The whole of me).

Imi e scarba de tot.



Worlds collide...

I don't want to collide with anyone for a while..

Need some time for myself, you know, totally not in a selfish way.

Pa!

Detest.

Nu, nu sunt comfortabila cu postarea pozelor de genul asta pe net (cu mine). 

Ce conteaza ce imi place si ce nu.

Cheltui habar-n-am-ce sa vezi cum reactionez eu la diverse chestii

Ce idiotenie stupida.

Si de acrobatii sunt satula. Din decembrie 2020 si pana acum, wow, e ceva, cand ma gandesc ca inainte 1 an juma+ am stat ...altfel...

Fix ce  nu-mi arati e ce vreau sa vad!

{Am nevoie, ca sa inteleg, ca sa traiesc - cu sens, nu ce vor altii, eu nu-s facuta pentru asta, n-am dovada, n-ai nevoie oricum. E doar ego acolo si nu vreau sa invat despre egoul tau nehealuit :). Al meu e prea tare si n-am ce face cu el si pt mine nu e despre ce e pentru tine. De asemenea, nu e vina mea. Altfel spus, tot ce m-ai invatat in viata asta a fost degeaba. Multumesc!}.

[...]

Daca tot ce fac e o pierdere de timp...

De ce simti ceva rau cand 'ma lungesc' cu executia anumitor chestii?

Ma doare.

Si oricum, nu pe tine te vreau. Nu esti tu cel pe care il vreau, cu care as vrea sa fiu, chiar e nevoie sa mai reformulez mult? Poti sa (ai putea sa~) fi oricine, si tot nu te vreau, si tot nu intelegi? #deathtoai

(Don't be scared now, Grow up!)

Deci nu vreau sa fac chestiile alea pentru tine. You'll never make it right (/encouragement).

:O

Cand s-a facut 6 juma ... 

https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/2020/03/word-of-day-disgusting.html

Clues?

rsrch hnts:

It's a CON-spREE-ra-Key ;)

🖤

~WAKE UP!~

!

Beholder

Hmm...

important!

E usor sa uiti sa pierzi.

I love myself

-and everyone I talk to is either against me, or on their way-

Degeaba sunt creativa. Altcineva mananca :)

Every Day Is Exactly The Same

https://photos.app.goo.gl/G45dNVT3yZraxwFh9
I can feel their eyes are watching

https://photos.app.goo.gl/dL7p7tGGw6CEz8Cn9
In case I lose myself again

https://photos.app.goo.gl/UgBgCzThtJfwXMPM9
Sometimes I think I'm happy here

https://photos.app.goo.gl/JjU2rWxMWZhnedgK6
Sometimes, yet I still pretend

🎶
https://photos.app.goo.gl/CSpcvieBpxsejFbM8

❤️

Dreamy thoughts

Eu nu vreau sa fiu niciodata o pagina goala pentru nimeni.. Nici nu am cum. De ce trebuie sa stau de vorba cu pagini goale, si apoi, ghici ce, tot pe mine ma doare, indiferent ce fac, draga G? Ce conteaza ce simt ei, oricum uita repede, nu? Hahahaha. Eu traiesc in fiecare secunda. Habar nu am ce inseamna asta cu adevarat, si asta doare :D

Articol nou

 Cand m-am trezit azi am facut update la softul din tel, am trecut la MIUI 12 ~ Am vazut si niste chestii noi, 'floating windows'.

Intru pe site de stiri, gasesc asta: https://alephnews.ro/guvern/zeci-de-sicrie-plutesc-pe-marea-mediterana-dupa-ce-s-a-surpat-o-stanca-pe-care-se-afla-un-cimitir-in-italia/

Floating...

On the streets where you live
girls talk about their social lives.
They're made of lipstick, plastic and paint
a touch of sable in their eyes.

(All your life) all your life all you've asked
is when's your daddy gonna talk to you.
But you were living in another world
tryin' to get your message through.

No one heard a single word you said.
They should have seen it in your eyes
What was going around your head.

Ooh, she's a little runaway.
Daddy's girl learned fast
All those things he couldn't say.
Ooh, she's a little runaway.

Different line every night
guaranteed to blow your mind
I see you out on the streets
calling for a wild time.

So you sit home alone
'cause there's nothing left that you can do.
There's only pictures hung in the shadows left there to look at you.

You know she likes the lights at nights
on the neon Broadway signs.
She don't really mind
it's only love she hoped to find.

Ooh, she's a little runaway.
Daddy's girl learned fast
All those things he couldn't say.
Ooh, she's a little runaway.

No one heard a single word you said.
They should have seen it in your eyes
What was going around your head.

Fragmente din jurnal:

As soon as I try to start to think abt smth, yes, even integrating keywords (fantasy?) I get inundata (inundatie = flood)  by images / faces / smth that I feel someone else puts in my head :( 

Purpose?

💔

I'm sure it's not me/my ideas/thoughts/desires. Weird links - not mine, since I don't agree with stupid.

~

Where are the ones that I feel?

~

Acum un an

Azi

Azi noapte ~ 

Nu am nimic.

 Nu am nimic

https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/2020/01/hello-world.html

https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/2020/10/faptul-ca.html

.

https://web.archive.org/web/20130515015015/http://goddessazra.blogspot.com/

Thanks the Wayback Machine.

I could talk a lot in spoken or written words about my past experiences as a camgirl, cam model, whatever, but it's useless :)

I used to have a blog for years, didn't really care about it. A fost doar o tentativa, sa am si eu ceva. Fapturile de la care m-am inspirat faceau altceva, nu ce vedeam eu (nu e o scuza). Nu cautam sa invat, era despre vanzare, nu? Cei care au incercat sa fie prietenosi ~ thx ~ am fost si eu prietenoasa cu ei, mereu 'not allowed' de aceleasi limite/ziduri carora inca nu le gasesc sensul. Nimic nou!

.

Me in glasses.

♥

Din jurnal:

21.02 Not moody or pessimistic. Just another day with a limited set of things to do, regardless of what I do, nothing good (really good) will happen so, in contradiction with the purpose of doing anything - I don't wanna do anything. Penalized regardless. I don't trust/rly like anyone. I talk to so many, but I have no one 2 rly talk to. Sick & tired of all "that's opened" 2 me (it's for nothing, no one learns - no proof, no one wins anyth - just time that passes degeaba, numbers that don't do anything). I have no problems otherwise. ^^ Very, very, very & extremely sad! There's nothing there but pain. My real healing can only start to occur after... <I don't know> & there's nothing I can do to help, influence the course of, make any change etc... I got no help, only used for • or • (sacks of grains ~ always filling somebody else's pockets ~ ). knowing what that might be (I don't) I'd have different stance (outcome from opinion). All in vain... Despise... I've been patient enough... Degeaba... I'm not used in a mechanism I agree with. I WOULD DO SOMETHING! All I do - unseen. Doesn't count (no proof - ever - only dreamy things, not MY dream). Wanna know more about my dream ⟲... Healing...Mine! But "My real healing can only start to occur after.." And on and on again. Every day hurts. Doing anything hurts.I'm used! Not agreeing! Slept a lot but got no rest! (settings...shit...nothing...Nothing..)

💕Aching 4 love not blatant lies; ⟲ Tired of doing the same shit with no result but promises HaHa 🐟🐟🐟

Cuvinte "rele":  Fiecare zi poate fi o bucurie daca <focus on what matters>. In viziunea mea, niciodata nu cotizam pentru altii cu care nu sunt de acord. Toti cei cu care sunt de acord suna de parca au aceeasi problema cu a mea, "nu putem face nimic" ⟲ Si oricat "dau" = 0; over & over again only the lies float on top ~ [Crude truths] - What's been [i]proven[/i]. Iar cei cu care nu sunt de acord, nu conteaza!

As mai scrie, dar... Tot ce am scris pana acum (aici, blog)... Again & again... Makes sense the same... Anything new = Nothing new. No proof... Whispers of ignorants tell same stories, different ways of expression = nothing, rumegus, nothing. I have not seen one proof in lumea celor concludente ca sa imi vina sa  continui. Sa storc nu e sa dau de bunavoie, ceva nu e natural asa... Toate jurnalele/posturile/tot pana acum = degeaba. "Ei tot mor" :) 

Vreau sa incerc orice abordare noua (cu adevarat noua nu recicland si ruland aceleasi kkturi altfel* nu e altfel, proven time after time. Months of Nothing - YT playlist) , dar ma lovesc de aceiasi tampiti + am tot facut asta pana acum. Makes no sense!

*[see the great reset conspiracy here too, agendaXXXX & related subjects ~ cause I'm #psychic ~ faptul ca sunt Psychic inseamna mai mult decat sa pun niste informatii pe categorii, vreau sa invat. Nimeni nu vrea sa invete cu adevarat, R Guy e mai sfios ca mine la capitolul asta. Imi pare rau R guy, nu am incredere in tine. Tot ce ai facut pana acum = degeaba ca si ce am facut eu dar aplicat la tine. Satula sa iti vad semnele, pentru ca nu duc nicaieri, tot ce primesc eu = insulte si umilinte, contrare naturii mele si scuzele cu T.. HaHa.. Scuzele cu T... si pe vremea cand eram mai proasta, aveam aceeasi parere. RE RE RE & nothing else! *sigh* Desigur, e dragut sa discutam, ador micile tale semne, dar nu asta caut, daca mi le trimiti gen dovezi, e rau. Daca e comunicare, e bine. Foarte destept dar prost in acelasi timp e IMPOSIBIL (My mind isi da duhul💥 trying to calculate{feel} this about you). Faptul ca eu nu pot sa simt ce inseamna pentru tine, e rau. Nu sunt lasata sa vad - Ok. N-am ce face. Deci degeaba. Nu pot sa ma gandesc la tine, sau sa ma indragostesc de tine {Vreau sa iubesc cu un scop, nu cai verzi pe pereti ca si pana acum!}, si ce optiuni ai tu, -ffs nu pot sa cred ca am ajuns sa discutam asa despre asta- E mult prea aiurea, iti alegi din ce aleg altii pentru tine nu e deloc alegere.].

Ei tot mor

Ei tot mor

Ei tot mor

.

I'm sorry but I can't kill. (it's not mine 2 take, even if illusion).

~

Podcast: https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/Citesc-eqneu3 ~ Citesc din Filozofia Hermetica - Hermes Mercurius Trismegistus.

------------------------

I got my mind set on you ~ Someone in my dream ~ not the dreams I'm dreaming when I sleep ~~~


But it's gonna take money ~ Oh what is money, honey? Every month, my baby is killed. Not willing to try this route again!

A whole lotta spending money ~ To spend it on what? ♥ Hold hands and go someplace nice? I would dare to dream but they're so scared! Scarred ..And all the healers are Asleep.

It's gonna take plenty of money

To do it right child ~ 

It's gonna take time

A whole lot of precious time ~ I've given all on this front. All. I'm still stuck here. The ticking goes faster or slower or what's normal anyway... According to someone else's Choice... Who? Not my mission to point it. It's already known! {but you don't sayanything}

It's gonna take patience and time, ummm ~ I've given all there was To Give on this front! (It was never meant to be a front that way, you know?)

To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it
To do it right child


DO IT RIGHT! If you need anything from me while they're staring, it's not right! ♥ 

I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you  ~ I crave something so similar too, you lie, lie, lie. You force me to lie.. Through Letters & symbols that You Know will be translated Wrong  where it matters.  

And this time I know it's for real ~ How many times now? It's humiliating for someone made out of what I'm made out of!

The feelings that I feel
I know if I put my mind to it
I know that I really can do it ~ Me too.

I got my mind set on you
Set on you
I got my mind set on you
Set on you

💗

But = Zero. But I love this song!

---------------------------------------

R.E.M - Drive

Smack, crack, bushwhacked

Tie another one to your racks, baby

Hey kids, rock and roll

Nobody tells you where to go, baby

What if I ride? What if you walk?

What if you rock around the clock?

Tick-tock, tick-tock

What if you did? What if you walk?

What if you tried to get off, baby?

Hey, kids, where are you?

Nobody tells you what to do, baby

Hey kids, shake a leg

Maybe you're crazy in the head, baby

Maybe you did, maybe you walked

Maybe you rocked around the clock

Tick-tock, tick-tock

Maybe I ride, maybe you walk

Maybe I drive to get off, baby

Hey kids, shake a leg

Maybe you're crazy in the head, baby

Ollie, ollie, ollie ollie ollie

Ollie ollie in come free, baby

Hey, kids, where are you?

Nobody tells you what to do, baby

Smack, crack, shack-a-lack

Tie another one to your backs, baby

Hey kids, rock and roll

Nobody tells you where to go, baby

Maybe you did, maybe you walk

Maybe you rock around the clock

Tick-tock, tick-tock

Maybe I ride, maybe you walk

Maybe I drive to get off, baby

Hey kids, where are you?

Nobody tells you what to do, baby

Hey kids, rock and roll

Nobody tells you where to go, baby, baby, baby

A tale that wasn't right

A Tale That Wasn’t Right

[Verse 1]

Here I stand all alone
Have my mind turned to stone
Have my heart filled up with ice
To avoid its breakin' twice

[Verse 2]
Thanks to you, my dear old friend
But you can't help, this is the end
Of a tale that wasn't right
I won't have no sleep tonight

[Chorus]
In my heart, in my soul
I really hate to pay this toll
Should be strong, young and bold
But the only thing I feel is pain

[Verse 3]
It's all right, we'll stay friends
Trustin' in my confidence
And let's say it's just all right
You won't sleep alone tonight

[Chorus]
In my heart, in my soul
I really hate to pay this toll
Should be strong, young and bold
But the only thing I feel is pain

[Solo: Mike]

[Chorus]
With my heart, with my soul
Some guys cry, you've bought and sold
They've been strong, young and bold
And they say, "Play this song again"

[Chorus/Outro]
In my heart, in my soul
I really hate to pay this toll
Should be strong, young and bold
But the only thing I feel is pain

~~~

Been listening to this song quite a lot on the radio lately, I find it very inspiring ♥

~~~

Latest podcast: https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/Reading-eqmnbe

or

https://open.spotify.com/episode/221YO3SEZUsBdWKBgXgCJo?si=Wodm4Cn7RTm9wKjbHeoFOA

1

Shit.

Sofia So Phiii Aaa 

Wasn't Isn't and Will never be A Goddess.

Why make it count like so.

Deal ALL Pantheons. I know you don't need my worship poured online to deem my respects to you. But too much time passed in vain, despite all I did, every aspect of my core being is being mistreated and considering who I am, I have no words anymore. 

Kindness vs Nothingness 

And the Mirror of Lies.💔

Make it right that takes no time literally no time at all I've been hearing your plea for too long and nothing happened. 

/end 

Nu vreau sa postez/scriu/fac in fiecare zi. M-am saturat. Astia se poarta cu mine de parca a trecut ziua si n-am facut indiferent de tot si asta doare si nu e vorba ca nu imi iese cum vreau e ceva aiurea si nimeni nu face nimic scuzele sunt etern aceleasi. 

#podcast: Click Me ~ Listen Me ♥

Nou articol nou

I don't want to continue like this, si nu pentru ca nu imi 'iese nimic'.

De cate ori am mai transmis asta sau mesaje asemanatoare online?

Nu, nu vreau sa fac copii cu necunoscuti de pe net, sau cu ??? pe NV.

Latest #GoddessAzra #orgasm video: https://youtu.be/_RwUVaATGns

I'm not sending you anything when I have an orgasm. I'm just doing something against my will, something I don't like.

[...]

16.02. I almost feel like masturbating but not for work video or show. Wanted to say 'for myself' but it wouldn't really be for myself. I miss feeling self ....Hmm...Identity (? might be a bad word, not sure which one would be correct for how I'm feeling though). Too many things happened, I am tired of living purposeless life (I'm in service to no one; but a slave in the stupid mechanism that doesnt make anyone happy ~, this shit that keeps on happening is not us helping eachother. 'pe alocuri' nu se pune, TOT este al nostru.) ~ And I said before, I can't function optimally if I don't think about someone, not in a codependent way, or in any way that anyone taught or shown before (due to the lies and shit that flowed and overfilled every hole, fertile soil under lock, experiments for nothing). I was ok all my life, I am ok now. My entire life was shit, Now it's worse than ever. :) . the He who gets my love is not stupid so why do I have to 'prove myself' over and over again? Period came. V messed up about the whole 'Sarcina' situation with or w/o masturbation orgasms & the keywords the ..everything. Past month weirder than before. Rumors (that it's only getting started, it will be way worse,etc) are false due to the illusory nature of reality. Noise is noise. Anti love energy abound. Smart does not embrace lies. I don't want to be raped (whatever purpose) anymore. 

No amount of your ThankYous can or will ever suffice. 

thank_you

Din jurnal:

18.02.21 Before I fell asleep last night I heard the clock ticking faster. Am crezut ca mi se pare, am tot ascultat si tot asa se auzea. Nu inteleg de ce. Upon waking up, Maya's aquarium water was fresher than usual, again, time passed faster. What could this mean, for what, why?  Am visat mai multe ciudatenii... Eram intr-o masina, plutind pe apa... Masina mergea prin apa, dar nu era barca. Lol. Didn't like the dream...

*Crying - drowning in sadness because I'm still here & nothing changed & none of my stuff has been taken into consideration. I don't want 2 be part of this , 1 more month of trying to make babies with strangers I don't even know/like. BS. I can't ask questions on the psychic network or properly communicate because of noise / intrusions that I don't want 2 learn 2 control (that would be wrong, Don't care why!). So I learned nothing. Not burning questions but I deserve 2 know what happened not segments or gradual because I'm not at that stage for a v. long time. I wasn't there when they chose to lie 2 me (blatantly). The Twitch guy story - . I no longer wish to think about that - accept failure - I don't want 2 have 2 deal with ones who chose to be insincere 2 me. And keep others unknowing so they can take part & use them against me, me against them, etc. All wrong & "when I go there" (meditation/trying 2 reach ppl on the psychic network) I get only debris, lies, and facets of stories full of lies from fake "healers" (stolen symbols) etc. All 4 profitability. I don't want to live anymore. What is my double? What does that have to do with the consciousness behind David (David2, not Allbeholder/others). Why stimulate certain feelings in me if He knows nothing about the real me (the whole me) or isn't interested in interaction. Will? Where? I can't live without dreaming about somebody. I'm tired of projects (accepting none as the one I'd give my hand 2). Wholeness IS. (No project necessary 4{<ppl>} like me, I'm not a project). I'm not allowed. Continually being used, repressed, the pain used against to shape & train into wrongness. I can't live without loving. Real loving, nothing that's seen in commercials or that turns anyth in the stomach. 

I said once (to myself btw & I was bullied later online abt this!) "I'd do anything to be with him" (about the Twitch guy) I'd mop the floors to be with you. Cause I thought he was real, psychic, so good 4 me, bla bla bla. Learning more about what he was, ofc I don't want to have anything 2 do with him/parts or anyone involved into that pile of lies. Not used 2 learn - ppl with numbers / calculations, cause you should've known about the harm. More than risk in the stock market. I would've never agreed to give that level of information about myself, intimate details from my life, etc to Anyone (especially in context!). I thought he knows/feels stuff about me because he's interested in me (to know me, to love me). I was very wrong. It was all lies bs political & SCIopatical experiments. What wasn't, in my life? I can't stand doing this anymore. How to trust when so many showed they rather chose the lie? I don't blame them. I just have nobody 2 rly trust / Befriend / talk to, etc

I'm bursting because I can't pour my love into the world, because I deny the santuri shown to me as pathways, because I see more, in my blindness. :(

My I'm not allowed is not an excuse. But I feel somebodies' I'm not allowed, is. I don't know who, I don't wanna TREAD more on this shit. You've already read my past articles and seen/listened to videos/ whatever I put on the internet. Hundreds of proof for whatever you were here for.

.

Maybe Tomorrow

I've been down, and I'm wondering why

These little black clouds keep walking around
With me
With me
It wastes time, and I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside and buy a rainbow smile
But be free
They're all free

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

I look around at a beautiful life
I've been the upperside of down, been the inside of out
But we breathe
We breathe
I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean, wanna take my time
For me
All me

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

Be well.