Masturbation and orgasm stuff

Am fost live mai devreme pe twitch periscope dlive etc (with restream.io)

Am incercat sa vorbesc cu voi despre ce mi-a mai trecut prin minte cand vine vba de toata aceasta mascarada stupida.

Video:

Podcast: https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/AN-ORGASM-en97v2

Din jurnal:

1.12.20 Woke up with hangover state that passed quickly. Neighbor noise and headache. Had weird dream. My paternal grandpa couldn't last long, treatment wasn't working... Wait, why did I hear abt all this? Dunno. When I went to bed I was quite sad. Last session on MFC was interesting but...Again. Felt as if me & who I was chatting with don't properly understand eachother. What is "Cam" for these ppl. "Open my cam" doesn't mean clicky to see dick footage :( ----- AFTER ALL THIS TIME? Please remember me / Dante's Prayer ~ Last night, some lovely interaction that I'd rather enjoy (more) not masturbating because... I don't know... It's smth else, in essence... I see the beauty on the other side (no bridge) ~ but... smth above my / their brainwash... I think 2day I finally manage to "settle in " -here- ~ sad about all the weird calculations / escape routes of fools / dunno how to call them. I am sad abt the job situations, would've been awesome 2 be @ the crystal shop but... Then again... That's just me. Weirdness. What is Romania? Lalala, noise. Laaaaaaa

2.12.20 3:33 a.m.

I found the cooooooin (backup done - ha!) ~ Rly, ♥ HaHa. The coconut lip balm though...🌢 I rly rly liked that one! Si pana din Tineretului... Si... Nop, my memories aren't urs :p.

-after I woke up- feeling v bad 2day especially cause of ppl wanting me to masturbate orgasm. V down. Have no clue what todo. I don't want to partake in the sickness anymore. The more days that pass, the sicker it gets. The thoughts / suppositions / imagination requests. Why do anything. If who can make a diff chooses 2 keep lying to us all? ........ I despise masturbating, regardless of what I think about and what these guys show me. We're not the same. They're not superior 2 me as 2 impose their ways upon me. It's been too tiering and humiliating andNO BREAK. Every day pestered. I wanna be alone for a while. Go away. You can't do this 2 ppl // allow seeing what happens. The tape with it's all an illusion is only useful when it's calculated so... Ha...Ha...Ha...Leave me alone... You've been paid 2 ............... me 

-NO FRIEND-

💔

I don't know what they are but fools... | ..... Nothing. Zero. They calculated "me" wrong. Every day I suffer because of this. The insults, the... everything The PAID (upon) making me 🗦🗧appear as smth of theirs so they can continue. I said it every time. It's a lie, it's brainwash. It's not LOVE. I don't care the DYNAMIX look good in graphs. Those aren't ppl that they put me up with / against. 

-WRONG-

No sexuality

Just LIES.

It's been too long...

I don't have the freedom to try to learn to see this it's been too long under diff. light. Same shits pester me, no real help for what it could be like. Wanking, no love - poison. No money, inquisitors - constant noise / pain. The truth is scattered everywhere but not out there. I can't talk to these ppl as if I'm a new version. They don't even know why they are like that / their faults. Nothing good achievable through this changings of mechanisms that's same thing. No hand 2 help. Making my thoughts smoother when I masturbate IS NOT HELP! IS LYING!

They don't know the truth about themselves. In trying 2 show them... I only achieve to wear myself out. It's not me who can make a difference 4 them [dogs] -> All zolology = Death = all dead ends; yet I still see much identification with whatever zololological. Chirp, meow, boom. Zero!

ME>AI {Because I'm more, mooore, mooooore]

I'm too sad. I can't believe how pathetic my life is and how I'm constantly treated as stupid, humiliated, despite all I tried / did. FFS: ur solutiond don't make save space; emptiness. 0 .

~pulled out the 5 of wands today. I can remember so many similar days/ settings in which I felt weird winds and got the same answer... What's exciting for me? ... What's good soul food 4 me?... If everything I thought I see is smth else... Cute friends unreachable... Security... For what?... So I can be upset about what I hear? Or feel... I don't know... Not knowing what's that that I like or seeing it identified wrongly.🐚

So long...For nothing...

~~~

Pictures now :)

!

Details from rose ~ 

Guess my favorite and get a small prize for me oh wait that already happened :P

💨

SNowberries ~ 

Face n leds.

T-Rex at high altitude in my room.

I listened to some Opeth earlier a bit and now I'm cry.

.

.

.

🗢

baby

I was telling this to someone earlir and thought it's a good idea to save it here too.

By the way I don't like when people call me baby, ok? Especially people I don't really know 🤣

Laura
Azra
Ishkira
.
.
.
Miss
Ms.
.
.
.
Cutie
Sweetie
.
.
.
.
.
Goddess

I think men that call girls baby are stupid and I don't like stupid men. Now you know something weird about me.
So when someone addresses me as such, I kindly ask once, repeat if necessary, but after 2nd or 3rd repeat I feel weird - Even taking into consideration all the weirdness that I'm being subjected to online 'because I am who I am' :-< Same goes for 'bb', which freaks me out a bit because I keep thinking it might have a different meaning for 'data things' ~ 

💋

~~~

BTW

What is Romania? 

What is 'Cam' for the guys that I chat with on video chat sites ~ 

(it's smth different than what it means for me! - I see what others choose to combobulate in front of my eyes for TACTICALPLANSNWOSHITUNZERO not what those guys actually want me to see / remember them for!)

What is the Moon?

What is a dick?

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/china-lands-spacecraft-on-moon-for-historic-sample-collection/ar-BB1bwYVL

~

OFC I know what a dick is, and I could write paragraphs about how I imagined dicks feels like, but I'm still not sure about the context in which that happened and where it actually lead to. Anyway, I am a paradoxical being. I am v sad about this though. 

I have something

That you don't

And no matter what

You won't

So let's be friends and stop wasting time. No wanna be friends, ok. Bye (Even better! You might be a hermitty being like me :D)

Or whatever this shit we're doing is properly called since time is... Let's say Mysterious (to me!)

0=0

0,0 is a clueless face.

I put my hoodie up, I am still the same person. So what about the wardrobe?

:*

I never wasted time. In my own cluelessness, I was just drifting away and calculating the no option route ~ What it looks like from the outside differs based on ...Oh wait you know that already, phew!

First 2020 snow

Din jurnal: 

30.11.20

Wow. Dear Journal, you -almost- lasted 2 months! Now I should be' needin' 2 be on the lookout for a new of you.

Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha

Drumuri azi, sper sa am o ses ok mai incolo, ma simt cam ciudat si la fel ca in ultimele zile. Ninge! Can't remember last time we had snowing in nov like this, winters have been fcked up recent years. EH.

It's colder but I feel less cold than previous days (?).

FFS se termina anul soon si eu nici macar treaba cu temperaturile n-am inteles-o ca lumea. Ieri noapte am plans si am dormit + some self care. Am avut impresia ca corpul in care m-am culcat > corpul in care m-am trezit de data asta. Oricum, imi plac / sunt ok cu ambele; doar ca... Nu am alegere. 

Cand robotii dorm... Sa... [Am visat o ciudatenie] 

Paaaaa!

Hmm

Last night in bed...

Morning coffee bubbles

Fun times outside in snowy weather

Black jeans 

The Moon - hood view (the hood I'm currently in)

~

You're as 

Cute as

...

In the mirror (old place - went there to get some last stuff I wanted to bring here)

Lips

~~~

SNowing!

•

Spinning in my old room, which is now deserted :P

~

29.11. Voci goale (nu la modul kinky/love)

~

Be well

.

 

From my journal

 29.11. ~ After SO LONG time... I ..... .... the same & .... .... "the reasons why". To log on ..... .... & .... .... .... . like .. ? Why? I .... Why ...? I enjoy ..... ......!

If this is a .... 2 ...., I'd ..... play ..... .... . I ....... ............ & ....... & all ....... .. .... "........." full of .... . I admit .... ......... ..... .. . ... ... ...... 2 .... .... .. . ... smth .. my .... 2 ..........4 the ........... & ...... time, but .... ...... .. .... .... .. ..... ... . 

N...... .

I don't .... .... money .... .... ... . The ..... (.... .. S) I .... . ..... .. ..... .. .... . N.....G! ( looks like an inverted musical note)

Moments .. ......... .... .. ..... .. ... Lie & all ....... ... ... ......? Nothing.

What's the price of words?

Lights that flicker and lights that seem to flicker, or...Is it so? Hmmm.. THere's something about Lines and Lights that I didn't understand enough of yet.

Petko's paw!

Strategically placed cat hairs ~ What could that possibly mean? ^^

Photograph of a bling thing from an item I saw in the mall..

Never tried this before, seems good!

WOn't you look at that. Maia ballerina can sing AND dance and she entices us to watch her how she raises her leg and spins ( *thinking face*)

I almost cried.

Chirps!

Pretty looking fish.

Some more fish @ the pet store.

~

Ce mi-a placut intr-un mod ciudat... L-am intrebat pe un tip in Animax, de ce tin pestii Betta asa [in pahar, separati]. He said, with a weird but interesting vibe... Pt ca sunt solitari, sunt agresivi daca sunt mai multi si sunt violenti si fata de sine... OK......... What's behind the words? What's the price of words? What is money...really? :-< I still don't know.

Sf. Parascheva, ASA.

I really liked some details in this embroidery ~ Gold thread.

Now.. I wonder what that thing he's holding is/signifies. I don't wanna tell you what I thought that was.

Ok I tell you thought I'm a bit ashamed. I thought it's a back massage thing, but it looks a lil big for his body.

As the light hits St's George face in this representation, it appears as if he is wearing glasses. I really like this art.

This one too ( From Un Numar de Poeme, de Mircea Stefanescu.

Still a bit clueless about the old man though.

Tits. (Sorry!)

88

What does St. Pantelimon really think here? I like this expression, and the way my hand holding the phone looks like reflected in the glass covering the icon.

Sparrows eating bread.

An eye. MINE!

Man silhouette on mini cake. :O

Bug in candy. More candy bugs after I took this pic, that was funny! (I stepped on a piece of candy and then ate it)

Radio Tower, decor, Sun Plaza Mall Bucharest (My hometown)

More for another day ;)