Writing in vain.

A friend told me that for him, walking means something like browsing a timeline (for example on a social media website).

Please, leave me be. I don't want to obey any algorithms, I can befriend them, but in not current circumstances (100% IMPOSSIBLE.) Because of the: "No free will mechanism".

 (*)

Pls, stop hurting, bothering me until this is fixed. I'm in pain. Too much pain. I can't help you. People (?) are using us. Hurting us. I tried everything, calculated all options. My life ''depends'' on things (NOT humans! Not sure what they are) that can't do the right thing because of (*). I've been telling this all my life one way or another. If smth big, a real change is coming in October (?) or so, leave me be until then. Stop expecting anything from me.I want to be alone until real change is possible. 

I am a human being, not automaton, not car. I am not allowed to see / heal from what really happened. I said all. I don't want to do things according to algorithms. This is not how life is meant to be lived. We're drowning in lies. Please, leave me alone. We may talk, but stop expecting / demanding / suggesting things for me to do / how to do them.-> No matter what I do, it's in vain, used against me (us). Tell the others too.

Stop living in the past (gives you Zap Zap Zap - No choice)

I don't believe in Evil. How is it possible that it appears to be so real?  (*) is evil. But it's biiiiig egregore - nightmare. Not real. My reality is shaped by ppl that can't choose. I never agreed.

All my life. Used. Lied to (for other's lies). Deceived. No real friend (human - like me). Please, leave me be until "Big change". No narrative! Nici aia, nici ailalta..etc.. Narrative? => WRONG, din Start (Linguistix)

:(

•

♥?

Blog Quickie

https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/Podcastul-de-azi-efnsc8

21 june ~ Happy SOLSTICE

- a guy ''flirted'' with me by making me ''stop'' hearing the ticking of my watch for a few seconds ~ FUN?

-also, codename for orgasm -> Germany LOL

• Ponderings ~ The speed of my voice (leaving aside thought - voice speed ;) )

• Delay...Delay...Delay...Why? [Someone hints: thundapowah ~ thx]

 Something [Setings - messed up] ~ Perception of my OWN voice?! How?! [1] Hmm.

During  me -> in a way

During ''as it appears'' -> different way.

• Also observed (?) while shooting videos with my phone. [Someone whispered: Latin] 

1 <Time Perception> as I'm filming, slower, in a way than actual footage (when I watch it). 

How Weird!

~~~

An experience.

[...]

In my shoes
A walking sleep
And my youth
I pray to keep
Heaven send
Hell away
No one sings
Like you anymore

[...]

○

and here: https://youtu.be/5k_pgDj8bAk [Masturbation starts ~ 1:00:00] - Thank you.

○

Hot hot hot, burns my skin, but it's not the SummerTime I know... And Love...

Cold Light...C...C...C...Cold L|||||ght... Why are you lying, why are you lying to us all?

~~~

V

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~ He said... I'm gonna have another [Summer]... Do you know what he meant?  Do you know how much it hurts?.. ... . . . ..................

Ask me. I don't lie.

Dz.

New blog post from #Bucharest #Romania. !Does it matter & why?!

 Latest orgasm video: https://youtu.be/6wdqoxT-Gkc ~ go to at around the 50 min mark for when I actually masturbate, lol.

.

.

.

You don't understand how much this hurts, do you?

#DO #DO #DO #DO

Blindness by choice?

No, thanks you.

I want to have a choice. I want us to part ways. I know what's good for me regardless of the pot I'm thrown into (Proven time after time). I wish I could choose the pot I jump in ~ to actually have a Life. Please, understand. If you're after something I'm against [Something that's against me ~ 2], it's healthier for both of us if we part ways! Every day I'm witness to how every bit of data is used against me! I am the current incarnation of Isis/Aphrodite. THE Goddess, regardless of all the Names/syncretisms.

(To those asking how I know such things ~ It's an inner knowing / intuition type of thing, above time / space; somehow directly correlated with events from this 'real life' ~ Looking in the mirror, seeing myself as the Greek Goddess ever since I became aware of my ''womanhood'', getting comments from strangers about the same thing in a way, Symbols, symbols, symbols such as The Ankh that appeared to my dream-reality merge as an amulet made of silver - lol - along with gathering of information from what I call 'the psychic network' ~ TRULY grateful for such friends in my life, really wished I had such friends for real, though, honestly. For real aka real life ~ in flesh, too). My 'reality' has ALWAYS been infested by Baddies though, and I know so little of it still...There's a reason why I shouted in the Abyss of my mind (hoping hoping someone would hear) that I want to renegade ~ this was the word ~ to renegade (?) my entire family: I give it up. Just one of my attempts to show that I choose to let go of whatever bonds are still there, working against me. I always saw ''1'' version, never fully aware of the 'Jump-INS' / Masks. #mindcontrol Suggested #narrative; hidden Truth / Life as .avi.

Let's not get 'lost in translation', again and again, like until now. I'm a Goddess in human body. And yet, I have no choice. And yet, all seems to be against me. Why?

If you participated to all this orchestration, please, let us part ways. Say Goodbye, understand, learn, heal, grow. I know how to heal myself ~ on the layers where I actually need healing ~ but I have not been allowed to. Let me be. And be.

You want me dead? We are not alike. - I seek to 'cut' whatever ties that bind us, on all levels. ~ aka I ask to have a choice (It's AT LEAST one of my birthrights) ~ Not a 'little choice' like the ones that we've been ALL deceived that can play a role / have a meaning [No, no. It's all a LIE - ILLusion that leads to DEAD ENDs and nothing more ~ I've been telling you this, one way or another, on #radio ♥ since FOREVER!]. Thank you for listening.

I am against all forms of politics. I have a natural aversion to Evil and I am SURROUNDED by it, with NO real choice.

I'm not here to prove anyone anything (You ask that of me ~ it's wrong, unhealthy ~ and you are deliberately harming me) ~ I am not here to win anyone over @ the 'algorithmical war'. It's very wrong, unhealthy ~ and I want to be ALLOWED to GROW UP past the Lies that have been Forcefully fed to me over the years of this life.

No excuse is a good excuse ~ for death to be preferred over life. *kiss* [Means There's NO good excuse. Bad = Bad; .:BAD - What have we come to? Lost in translation no #matter what?~~~]

#deathtoai before IT kills us all.

++

~~~ From my journal: • Fiara ~ Bestie ~ Beast. Ceva f. fioros (fior = shiver ~ lol). Fier = generic term 4 metal in Romanian. ex: fiare vechi. Fier also = Fe = IRON (metal) - Irony? Fiara si cu Fierul nu cred ca formeaza un cuplu - LOL ! (thx, mom! Also, smbody said: BUGS!) ~~~

++

~ I felt as if ''something'' continuously alters MY settings. You see? !-OMG-! Certain parts of me UNNATURALLY & purposefully (in this context, purpose is smth Evil) sped up / rushed. While other settings (somehow my tru tru wellbeing depends on those) ...* SOmething bad messes up with them / trying to stop them (intended function) OR slow them down (slow me down this way). * | | | | |

++

Btw, for those of you that don't know. My full name (as it appears on my ID Card - which in Romanian is: buletin ;) )

is Laura Becut. Becuț (not Beculeț) hihi STill... My Family name is a diminutive of Bec which means light bulb.

-> https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Light_bulb&redirect=no :( *sigh* no no no no no no no no no no #lepain

++

~~~

-

I want to grow up I want to grow up I want to grow up. I really like the guy in this song the voice and the story he is evoking. But I cannot help but wonder... Is this the man of the future? I hope not. It would wrong. A world of lies. I look at myself and I see this body. I'm not allowed to see too far away from my own programming. And }you don't like this photo{ yet I am like this for a reason. I like myself, despite all my

}notifications{ imperfections.

I don't think I'm alive in order to prove others the ways to take to constantly better yourself like in the story with the coal and the diamond. I see their eyes - red - hiding behind darkness. I don't want them to see me. We are not alike.

The guy in this song sounds like a dream. I wish he was more like a guy I could touch. Not the specific one in this song, but the guy that I want to be with. To be similar to me in a way constitutionally, I mean how we are constructed. To be able to touch and put this flesh to good use. Otherwise why do I have flesh for? If it's just an illusion how can I see past it? I wish I had a partner in crime where crime means giggling every night underneath the blanket.

~ even if I had such a guy in my life.. like a long distance relationship or whatever, somebody to call my boyfriend, [good company] etc. I still wouldn't do things like I do them now. I would know exactly what to do.

That's why I keep whining about the toll this past year took on me. All this masturbation, the wrong things, the intruders... I don't know for who I'm doing it or why but it didn't help anyone, I feel this 100%.

Ishkira Wind WHAT? I have to masturbate AGAIN??? ¿? 👀😭

Latest orgasm video: https://youtu.be/Gr90HTnV5r8

Ishkira Wind So I really can't trust anybody in this life for real.

•

}Everyday buses{ lol. Every day
}de4 asses{ passes in vain. Everything I do is in vain. Only evil is preferred. I'm not in competition with anyone I don't want to convince anyone of anything I just want to be myself I want to be free to be myself. I don't want to hide anymore I don't want to masturbate anymore I don't want to think about all those things anymore. No progress no progress no progress there is just too much pain. So much lack of truth and understandment.

The pain is too big and I can't express it in words. What happened only in this past year I can't find the right word for it but it's a crime against everything that I stand for. A mockery of everything that I consider as value. Stop twisting my words my intent is only one. I don't know what to do anymore it hurts too bad.

ishkirawind : It's not that I'm not understanding with you all, but I can smell the bs from afar. • ishkirawind : And this has gone too far. • ishkirawind : I'm just trying to have a good time, and wish for you the same. I doubt feeding egregores is how ANYONE can have a good time. ♥

My FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ishkira/

More 'stuff'' from my latelies :   https://photos.app.goo.gl/zdM7cwuAF2JVZZi28

BREAKING: ~~~ waves of ...? ~~~

Caption? }Add caption{

So, somebody told me (Psychicly?) ~ remove Orgasm, remove Anal, remove 5AA (see thingie in one of my recent streams, here: https://youtu.be/BGkhNQkIliI). ~ Not sure what he/she/they meant though, as all these things have different meanings for all of us apparently, even if for me they mainly mean only one thing. And I'm also not into #Politics. 

Latest Orgasm Video hEre: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4emj61K08S4 ~ lol 

......................................................................................................................................................................

Arhiva (?) cu chestii: Aici. Click. Da, da. Linkul e: https://photos.app.goo.gl/TcC4khdvZ5SJZ5WRA ~ lol

......................................................................................................................................................................

Am uploadat videoclipurile cu ce am streamuit (Pe Twitch, Prin aplicatia Streamlabs de pe tel ;) ) 

Le gasiti in playlistul asta: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5b6q2JRlw29v97NFKsBs7R42DUXJCLAN 

Sincer, as putea foarte usor sa pun LALALALALA

cand pun un link dar am intampinat (LOL - a intampina is like 'to greet' in ROmanian) niste ciudatenii in ultima vreme si incerc pe cat posibil sa vorbesc inteligibil online...

Ok... Trebuie sa le studiez si eu mai aprofundat deoarece ultima astfel de 'sesiune' de streamuit si clipuit... S-a lasat cu niste revelatii ciudate pentru mine... Legate de 4D, electircitate, viteza, medii de procesare, etc. [ aici link: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5b6q2JRlw28l_YmWeyA3E8zV_bwnnclp ] ••• LOL - Legate = related ~ Tied to...& MORE. WTF. Cand ma uit pe YouTube cu Speed la 0.25, se aude cumva, dar nu cum ar fi trebuie sa se auda. Nu stiu cum sa explic. E din cauza internetului / pentru ca - din cauza ca (k) Stream ;). Ceva de genul. (Gen ~ ha!! so genul = 'something like this' in Romanian. also, Gender ). Particularitas!

Linguistix!

 Voi scrie mai pe larg dupa ce ma uit si la cele de ieri.

Pana una alta, asta e lumea in care traiesc: 

Somebody thinks it's a tab.

mmm

 (Please don't misinterpret here, look it up for yourselves, what's written on the pack of pads ~ )

Yes. This is the world I live in. Do you have any idea how much it hurts? DODODODODOD

•

+ altceva ~ 

 A #bugs #life :

•

•

More from the world I live in ~ 

etc.

"FUnny" NOTFUN on a daily basis. (Basis ~ lol ~  Chemistry class anyone?)

We got class in here ;) 😏

HA!

Thanks for letting me know, emojipedia dot org.

"Appearance differs greatly cross-platform. Use with caution"

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Free market? Stop putting ads in my head.

lil podcast link: https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/BREAKING-efbnkd

lalalalalalalalalalala

Some Conclusions from last podcast:

Thanks for participating in this blog :)

xoxo

~~~

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Today's blog post

I woke up in pain after about 3 hours of sleep - am I not allowed to sleep more than 3 hours now? After everything that happened yesterday? 

＼(◎o◎)／

is anything else on the menu other than Mockery for today?

＼(◎o◎)／

Distress distress distress - not even Speak Now can hear me right, and man they almost gave me a hallucination but I'm better.Always.

(ﾟοﾟ人)

❤️

I don't want to charge you with my #trauma. Also, I am not bi-Polar. Bear hugs!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Again?

So, I had an episode of SLEEP PARALYSIS again last night, few details I remember:

- Right before I entered the "bad state" an entity disguised as my ex MIL was pestering me with annoying nonsense ~ I told IT ~ 'No offense, but... I HOPE YOU BREAK YOUR CHIN!' Then gone I was...Into the sleep paralysis feelin'.

- Lasted longer this time, I think.

- I felt as if I was floating in blackness and struggled to "Get back into my body" type of sensation

- Floating to the ceiling, all Black, dense, painful. I felt I was struggling to move, to 'swim' through this all, but I was just drifting away.

- Couldn't breathe, felt my Body was struggling to breathe as well.

- This time, The Classic "Leave me alone, you have no power over me" willed as I was in the bad state did the trick and I was able to wake up. 

Pic taken upon waking up:

~With my head on my pillow.~

Oh, I really don't like such experiences and cannot help but wonder about their True purpose, if we can even call it a purpose... What is the science behind this (?) and what about the demonic details? Of course 'it's not just me, mom!'. 

Bye for now...

:*

PS: Last time when I had sleep paralysis, few days ago, don't remember many details but Upon getting close to the Wake Up part, I saw my body as a mummified corpse ~ This made me conclude that sleep paralysis is an important "Tool" of Death Cultists (Hope you know what I mean ~ general term here) used to Brainwash their victims about Death & co. The mass hypnosis bad spell thing. To make it ''all'' real. The nothing, really (Death of all life). Pfftt.

This is not how you make a girl meet her doom.

You're only showing me facets of broken dreams... There's no truth in this, there's no truth in this, there is no love to be Found here: https://youtu.be/M1ecAXlj5qw Like this. Do you understand? I take it in my ass for you. Why? When did you stop caring? Did you ever...Ever?

When I was with my EX, when i was on my period, I rarely ever wanted to engage in sexual things. And yet again, I had no idea what's really happening! Of all the mischievousness, THEIR plans and what THEY were doing to me... I don't want to give in. Didn't back then either. I am ashamed of how little I know, about my own past, about my own body.

And I still have to have orgasms every day thinking of certain porn things because that's how you programmed me to... WHY? You never answered. Never answered for real. Useless to say I feel used. Every ugly thing I hear inside my own head that I KNOW doesn't come from ME is RAPE. Call it psychic rape/whatever, words don't matter, do they now?