new post
another session
(earlier a bit) I was broadcasting live on ImLive, Twitch and Perisope
Chatted a bit
Had 2 orgasms.
:(
QQ
31 Oct 2020
30 Oct 2020
Quickie
- I'm sad.
The coincidences are no coincidences after all.
The sweetness of some breezy moments quickly fades away when I get that weird pain 'as if I'm not doing ugfctdrtCUTCURCfyr as I should' and on and on and on and on.
To...
Where? - I'm at the same weight I was in 2008 (72kg), I look better than I did in 2011 when I was slimmer (61,64) and I don't know how to feel about this... Weigth, mass, the humm, the words, oh, the pain, borg voices telling me about systemic optimization research for 'Future' ~ What? I wore that F shit, when I was little.
- I tweeted rampant {borrowed word - pls clear formatting} style again, sad and felt experimented on again today. ,,,,,,,,,, Why does it matter? When shit like this can happen:
Pic taken yesterday, 29.10.2020.
CANNED FOOD? WHAT IS FOOD? FOR ME? Fuel !== Food prints True. :-< Not allowed to be cute.
...For you... An address bar... But for me... I used to call it a place, before I was afraid of words, afraid is not correct in context.. A service? no. A thing? not really. Something, yeah, I guess. Provider? no. My go to for , yea. Why this, why that? Life is not a marketplace. No. Pictures memories, I have both. Google Photos only stores my photos, no? Why I use that and not X other ? I like Flickr too, and others, but each shines at something else. And much changed as time passed. There's nothing like how I liked Flickr in 2006++ though. I got used to using Google Photos since I'm an Android user and It comes with it, no? Why is it bad? Why would anyone make anything bad out of this? ?????? Words mispelling whispered in the clouds... Why worry, why worry... The convenience... I still remember the times when moving pictures from one interface to another was different, and I had my own purges, and, I didn't worry, to find that 'used against me'? What.The.Fuck. Somebody really uses words improperly. And I don't know what to do. Masturbating with keywords doesn't seem to lead anywhere I don't appreciate your time and effort you're probably just as clueless as I am when it comes to certain things. They shouldn't be able to hear us.
Bye 4 now...
Soon I'll move out, maybe I'll give you more details, but for now, I just wish I could rest properly for a FEW days (2-3, not a MONTH ffs) to plan accordingly, feel better, stuff like that. No masturbation, no weirdness, no inquiries on the tele-phone, just me and whtever I choose to focus on.
29 Oct 2020
Whatever title ~
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Something like that
Every time I go out it just gets crazier and crazier ( dream - reality - illusion in the marketplace ? )
~ I can't live my life like it's nothing more than 'the keyword game' ~
Cand mancam litere nu facem mai mult spatiu :(
Eeee.
It's not that I can't keep up, but I don't want to live like this, cause there's no way, labyrinth, but, no, way.
Again I've seen proof for how AI is not that intelligent. I did not count the pain. Amazement? Fear? No. I didn't mind some sequences of playfulness but... It's just not right. And I don't want to learn the hows and whys of this mass confusion.
Not getting a real break from masturbating / orgasming (with no real purpose sir) makes me feel .. I can't find the right word. It doesn't matter. No one seems to listen or care anyway.
Intricacy.
She will never be me.
De azi, cu comentarii pe alocuri: https://photos.app.goo.gl/yZZKWGvwakrjbC2u5
Am discutat deja despre asta! ;)
Random: Why Oak? Dunno (one of my fav trees) ~
Snap 1
(Thanks for the cuteness but then again message won't be delivered cause it's from me :()
snap 2
~ In oglinda ~
Now how does THAT 'help_make_space'? Imi constientizez carnea mai mult sau iar sau cum sau ce relevanta are? Cuvinte... 'Eyes to see' ~ And then what?So long!
.
Later edit: It's 12.18 AM
28 Oct 2020
Faptul ca
Faptul ca exista o posibilitate ca maine sa aud altfel muzica asta (deja am facut-o - sunt doar niste note muzicale, sunete, care suna intr-un fel) imi face ziua de azi atat de singura.
https://youtu.be/O7dTbZeg7GE I orgasmed when song Manhunter was playing on the prime thanatos youtube channel live stream ♥ Nice 'co incidence' There is no coincidence ofc but hey I really like this music there's a long time since I got this fascinated.
However, I did not like/enjoy (want, etc) what I was thinking about as I was masturbating while that music was playing. I'm trying not to me missunderstood. These numbers, those numbers, over over, WTF IS HAPPENING?
Cum adica daca public ceva aici - spatiu?
Eu inca nu stiu ce inseamna BLONDELE. SIngura explicatie pe care am primit-o = ceva legat de locomotive/mult steam. WTF? Ce sa inteleg din asta? Nu, nu am inteles. Blondele la care vrei sa ma gandesc 'sunt' femei (arata asa) deci... Prezente in toata realitatea mea combobulata, indiferent ca aratau bine sau nu, mai.... Innebunesc... Jocul asta cu keyworduri... WTF. Real e real, virtual e virtual. Pe mine Virtualul m-a invatat despre coding &co < > . , .. h |
T
T
MEMORIES!
Ur Dreams, Girl, Ur Dreams.
(?)
Inca se mai joaca cu mine asa.
Sunt f suparata.
Si sunt satula de ce se intampla in ultima perioada.
I
need
a
break.
I'm
not
asking
ppl
to
throw
1000's
at me
But
.
.
Some
decency?
No.
I'm not allowed to have a life.
Why?
Because I know how to love
Why, and all the menu.
,
Ce inseamna pentru tine
O virgula?
Dar 1 (un) Orgasm?
Dar urina?
Si ce-i cu atatea invocatii ciudate de organe in ultimul timp?
De ce conteaza de cate ori o fac la rand?
Inca nu am inteles.
E cineva treaz?
Da.
Si stie ca eu visez.
=)
Eu tot nu stiu.
Serios.
Eu inca am impresia ca astia tot vor sa ma masturbez ca sa ne faca rau la rand. Nici un alt motiv. Avem ce treb. deja. REPet ~ I am a Hermit (pt mine conteaza viata, nu reputatia). Pt mine Viata nu da cu Minus. In orice situatie fac ceva bun daca sunt lasata in pace. Niciodata nu a contat ca gasesc aia pathwayul sa aud eu cuvantul/cuvintele care deranjeaza in cap. Nu ma intereseaza in ce script. I'm not the one that was wrong. (I would've admitted ~ I WAS CLUELESS - and that is not an excuse. Pointless to make hypothesis now. As long as the 'males' are Coordinated by those... Silly things. = BAD. Women are not like that! Up down Sides what? Not my fucking problem or responsibility, Ubermen. I don't want to be with U. I am in love. And it would be v unfair towards you to 'give u false hopes'. :( U can't be him. Energy is a word. Electricity, a concept. A dream, just like the rest of the things I dream about. You don't know. You're just as stuck as I am. Limited. Promised things, sucked from. "Created" for. How do I know? Cause I've been om many steps. up and down. And all I know now, is that most of the reality around me is a lie that simply wouldn't be, if The Dreamers had A (o) Choice.
Root causes
Root causes
Root causes
Nu prostii dinastea.
Care
sunt
puse
acolo
ca
sa
ne
tina
pe
toti
Prosti.
.
26 Oct 2020
A weird day.
From Final Fantasy Record Keeper game ~
View from the kitchen window. Early Moon, 2 birds, si blocul de vis-a-vis.
Sparkle while you sleep - Didn't wear this comfy thang in a logn while :)
BIG NOSE. Mine!
Scribblings trying to make some sense ↕
Attempts and experiments of my own (Yes)
I don't wanna be scary, In a https://youtu.be/F3J0iwwsq-w.
No one cares, nobody knows.
I don't want to be buried in a pet sematary
The state of yo0u . BWA!
26.10. Pain and nuisance. Stupid shyt on tellee. M-a trezit curierul (call on my phone :p) Ca ajunge repede, cu un colet pt mine, platit (???). La usa, mi-a dat un plic (gratuit) ~ Postage Paid formality u never mention. Avea un colet cu Amway in cealalta mana si mi-a stalcit numele [Berbecut in loc de Becut, little ram, one of the ways in which I was bullied in Primary School by some uninteresting boys] ~ I assumed it's again a keyword for masturbation, to think about a horned animal or so, but no. "C" (is it hard drive calling chemare ca la interfon? - I keep hearing ca e despre Hard Drive/Disk). Beeeeee. Pe plic scrie: Continut: Carton; Inauntru, plastic. Nu, nu e un repros pt nimeni. Si da, stiu sa tin secrete doar ca e foarte ciudat modul in care facem treburile astea. Pa.
Ma uit pe geam... Primul lucru care imi atrage atentia [bout of paranoia 4 using words here] Un "eco toilet" portocaliu pe o remorca trasa de o masina, trecand pe Bvd.
- I saw some figures earlier (eyes closed) that morphed into scary looking things... then morphed into fig pulp {Oh, my memory}... like a giant computer with dates (years, days, numbers). Seeds & decay.
Bye 4 now.
24 Oct 2020
Silly Sad but True... Movie Review.
A very rare occurrence on my blog.
Short and !Ironic! review for the movie Bird Box.
IMDB link: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2737304
Trailer:
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
2018 My Ass.
Just seen some of this movie. [I couldn't bear watching it all KaChing]
Knows what I did today, knows what I didn't do today and attempts to suggest me what to do.
No thankyou.
Even gave a few masturbation keywords recommendations. Ha!
~Angles vs Angels ~ Is it all about 'where you put the 'e' '? I don't think so. [Thought not found] {I know}
I really know though ^^
I like Sandra's face in other movies better, she's always been kind of annoying tho. (No offense :D)
Kudos to the special effects team 4 this Movie, though. Iespecially liked the nails and the eyes in some scenes.
Story wise and interpretation, sub par and meh. {It was not meant to make sense anyway, anyway}.
~~~
Metallica Lyrics
"Sad But True"
Hey (hey)
I'm your life
I'm the one who takes you there
Hey (hey)
I'm your life
I'm the one who cares
They (they)
They betray
I'm your only true friend now
They (they)
They'll betray
I'm forever there
I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true
I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
You know it's sad but true
Sad but true
You (you)
You're my mask
You're my cover, my shelter
You (you)
You're my mask
You're the one who's blamed
Do (do)
Do my work
Do my dirty work, scapegoat
Do (do)
Do my deeds
For you're the one who's shamed
I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true
I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
You know it's sad but true
Sad but true
I'm your dream
I'm your eyes
I'm your pain
I'm your dream (I'm your dream)
I'm your eyes (I'm your eyes)
I'm your pain (I'm your pain)
You know it's sad but true
Hate (hate)
I'm your hate
I'm your hate when you want love
Pay (pay)
Pay the price
Pay, for nothing's fair
Hey (hey)
I'm your life
I'm the one who took you there
Hey (hey)
I'm your life
And I no longer care
I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true
I'm your truth, telling lies
I'm your reason, alibis
I'm inside, open your eyes
I'm you
Sad but true
...
"Do my deeds" - There's no space between the two ees.
23 Oct 2020
..
Woke up today, hints: Muse New Day; New version, Made in Germany (?)
Sad.
Nothing new.
Around me, only lies.
Positive.
Despite the
reasons (which aren't even
real reasons) 4 noise
vary; result is
~
the same.
Same shit.
I'm not willing to participate in same thing with the same thing & to that over there who invoked "T"; know that ALL MY LIFE I wasn't allowed to be "in tune" ~ key moments (with)... Manipulated signals (output)... Against my will. Soul stuff. Not chemistry. ♥. Also. I don't want to talk to u we both so much better silent to eachother. Last winter was a dream. Blue Octopus sticker found on the ground in the playground nearby.
Beautiful art ~ Celestial Tarot deck
?
I'm not feeling good. But at the same time, I am...
No, it's not enough. But at the same time, it's not necessary.
~ Every day when it's (somehow) expected of me to masturbate and have orgasms is not a day when I can live and actually do the right thing. {No way}
The pain is insane, too many things topped on top of eachother and they didn't even begin belong in the same container to begin with.
Oh, how I need healing from what this past year brought upon me, upon us all but in a weird dialectic manner, not what's on tabloids. :(
I don't ike masturbating thinking about anything. I access modules and programming to do it faster or slower depending on things that honestly! don't really matter.
Why I don't just do it watching sexy pics or porn this way stimulating "" programming enflowering and TRYING TO DO DO DO DO in a different manner?
I already did! I remember! Deadend upon deadend and glorificatio of INHABITANTIONS and not of the Sun.
United Nations hoaxes.
(((
Death whispered. The pale girl (me) did not feel a thing. She watched them press buttons mindlessly altering their coordinates to hopefully hit a different note and catch the recording so they can send more food from the Empire of lies... I remember every time we . in the X before... Me and death... Death and me... Innocently just being myself, trying to enjoy each of those days as I could... Until today... Today... Was different. Deluded / found.
"Bent corners"
Why today different, you may ask? Well, today, I woke up in conversation (a communication that I have no way to opt out from, because of Artificial Intelligence ~ makes me very sad no blame game just the truth) ... Expected of me to masturbate thinking about... I have a small mental list already...
That's why
Swimming in lies I was as well in the past.
Not neglecting
Being tested on yes. Always.
I remember the hatman.
The 'glitches'
And many other things.
Makes no difference whatsoever.
*stamps dirty fingerprint here - index finger, right hand*
WTF
It's not bloody, It's RAINBOW!
Byeeeeeeeee
22 Oct 2020
Nutz
These idiots drove me nutz over the past few mths with their supposedly well put to plan plan.
Here's something from my past. Oh, the soundz.
Kudos to World of Longplays Youtube Channel ^^
21 Oct 2020
Car nightmare and other words
17.10.2020. 5.33 a.m.
Every time it rains
You're here in my heart ~
New Moon in Libra with Merc. Retrograde. Yes. Mercenary Retrograde. Oh, how I love some of your stories. But... Not even being allowed to touch? _____________________________
I was prompted with: Thank you for using Adobe Flash Player. If FP was a (even if artificial) "mind" , he would not need or want to thank me. We would just <touch> ~ Do things together. He seeing through my eyes. Being passive or saying something, @ his will, IN ACCORDANCE to my will ofc [I - the user]. So what does his family truly want and why so much unnecessary Screen Time? Time / space being Fake... There's no real danger "out there", FPleaser.
18.10.20 - somewhere in the pm -
Had the weirdest nightmare last night ~ A nightmare within the a nightmare. I was following a person (?) who said that they'll attend a play but I ran and got there before him, only to find [Ghosttown] no play -space- ~ An empty stage, no crowd. From the backstage, which seemed like a church altar[hint-The Now], a person looking like Valeriu Sterian appeared ~ he felt like an empty shell. I told him I liked his music a lot when I was younger - he laughed like a dead man. I told him - Your music always had 1 obvious message 2 me: "Freedom"* Doamne, vino doamne, sa vezi ce-a mai ramas din oameni ~ , and I gave him a commander salute with my left hand and I left. (Apparently military salute with left hand is a bit disrespectful, considering my right hand was perfectly usable; But Hey! I knew why without knowing why apparently). * Nothing to do with '89, RO, stuff, but how I ♥eard the music. As I was rushing {I felt BIG danger?} to my car; parked there; 2 "hot" chicks were parked there. I told them I know I forgot my car door open {This was smth punishable by Law in the dream} and I showed them: the keys were in the lock - my purse left @ the back of the car... Told them it was an emergency (?) blabla. The scary noise was getting closer and closer. They said nothing. I got in the car and it morphed - My bed {bedroom} was the inside of the car, with a little window top left as I layed down. The noise was pounding my ears. I was scared, scared to be found "with no cover on"... I woke up as from a sleep paralysis experience, the noise was also here, but dimmed; from construction site nearby. Similar sound patterns, but different feel. Weird dream. No coincidences. Felt very lonely, and misunderstood.
I was always right - they were wrong. All my life ----- planned to be abused by others; through others.
Reach - nothing AweThentic technic allowed to really reach me. Always missunderstandments & milking. Tales of love lost to the wind. I am deep undersea; Treasure lays burried; I wish I could rejoyce in what I hid there really means. I'm very sad; I'm also very happy - and apparently that sucks ♥
19.10
I didn't masturbate for ~ 3 days. However, this doesn't feel like a break because of all the prompts & feels down there. My inner female is tired to think about all these men and or parts she wouldn't do anything sexy with if she had the chance. My inner male is tired to think about all these women and or parts he wouldn't do anyth with if he had the chance. What about my _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ & related? Most important juices even for the hunters who still dare not admit so. I am profoundly sad; nothing in this retched pile of lies can match that.
20.10
Too much pain. Nose. Wet. Sniffing the lies, one after the other, in sequences that seem to repeat with nothing else in between. Nothing left to... I didn't learn anyth new, all this time, since I've been telling you, how we have no real choice. I don't know what to "do", 4 Every(any) Doing seems to support somehow somebody that I don't. Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, no choice / no soulution. After all this _ :(
On dating: I'd rather go outside and literally clean a car with my tongue* than "go out" with smth that looks "like me" but it's just a human flesh suit looking car.💔* Nothing sexy or pleasurable about this; Today & recently -> Everything hostile or in disguise.
21.10
No progress - Lies, lis, lies, lies. Why do it (masturbate-orgasm) I despise it; has nothing 2do with real love (atm); Regardless if I do it or not, nothing changes; they ask me to do it again. I begged in all my voices - please tell them; I do not enjoy this. There are lies; especially abt. love & sex; me masturbating and getting orgasms doesnt lead anywhere good. What this does + What they do ( choose ) interferes with my "little choices" & me getting / having / working towards "having" a life. Ppl have been sending the correct signals for ages. Why waste (deliberately harm) ourselves like this? It hurts me so bad! I do not want to hurt myself! I have no choice ( 0 = Zero) - I'm stuck here ~ Somebody else's LIE, not mine! I never had a choice; A real one. They speak more lies through all the means; Pls STOP asking me to masturbate / orgasm; I NEED TO HEAL, NOT continue like this; I was always right but 2 what avail (?)
Pisica, burlan, dale ochioase si dungi rosii lipite pe jos in curtea Bisericii.
Purtand masca necorespunzator noilor norme de circulatie pietonala.
La data publicarii acestui articol, in Bucuresti trebuie sa porti masca nu numai in incinte, ci si in spatiile deschise - adica, peste tot daca iesi din casa. (...) Nu, nu ma simt pedepsita. Nu nu inca, ci deloc! E doar stupid! Si inseamna chestii de care eu habar nu am pe deasupra. Hi u smalldick, ur not a beta to me. No alpha to be found just jerks. (I looked Everywhere! Sorry cute buns.) ~ Noalpha, no beta. No alphabetaaay!
•
💋
Holding blue calcite ~ .gif made using photomosh.com ♥
17 Oct 2020
Porcupine Tree
I heard this
The name of the band
While talking with somebody annoying...
Not the nickname
But the whateverthatwas
I'm so tired to expirience this sort of things
They have no remorse
No message to deliver
Nothing to even take...
Thewy just Bleep away
And give pain
according to hidden algorithsms based on messages received with lies....
I'm sad...
Few things from the band
Leaving this here for later
.
.
.
From the song called Anesthetize
A good impression of myself.
Not much to conceal.
I'm saying nothing.
But I'm saying nothing, with feel.
You were holding your hat in the breeze,
Turning away from me.
In this moment, you were stolen.
There's black across the Sun...
Water so warm that day (water so warm that day).
Water so warm that day (water so warm that day).
I counted out the waves (I counted out the waves).
I counted out the waves (I counted out the waves).
As they broke into shore (as they broke into shore).
As they broke into shore (as they broke into shore).
I smiled into the Sun.
~
♥
~
💎
â„’
16 Oct 2020
why
You crush the lily in my soul.
Thanks for attempting to think u can make space by hiding things in plain sight. Yes but [apparently] it works ~ It's annoying and useless and NOTHING WAS WRONG BEFORE to begin with. The Rush is fake. The Nightmare is real.
Latest Podcast:
link: https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/Citesc-din---Interferente-in-lumea-calculatoarelor---el4qfj
I'm in dir need to fetch myself a LIFE!
;)
◘
I'm a Dreamer, a reveler (but upon looking at the meaning,
Definition of revelry: noisy partying or merrymaking
B...b..but... For me the immediate meaning is : dreamer, imaginative, one who enjoys daydreaming and various interlaced activities [What's on my C:ses] not much to do with Others ~ as the given Definition suggests at first sight *sigh*.
~
Mmmemory ~ past days I've been feeling more and more how 'the reality around me' ~ what's tangible [3rd Dimension] can "Only" be combobulated ( I put "" because truth is its's not correct like this, only shittable cause of * fake shit about space I don't know what level you're at. If I've been lied to and deceived all my life, probability you are in the same type of teeth) if MY memories are Played in a specific manner (idiotic manner if you ask me ~ Many not normal things not even to Newbie Operators of whateverthisis ~ It's an illusion anyway ~ They hide things - they don't exist. Bla bla). From some smells I smell where they shouldn't be, to certain moods I get succombed too: Hey, I feel like That spring, somehow, a whiff of That period in time, all with approximations but Annoying nonetheless. It's Not Traditional. However, some memoreies make me feel Fondness ~ something like Friendship. Not Pavlov Type [Late november] But different, As if, hey, Even if I have no idea who you are, I feel I was aware of your 'presence' while I was doing those things back then, and I liked our little interaction. How was it symbiotical, I do not know. I thoughtI am just doing things and you are only observing (for example - me overdosing on Vitamin C pills as a kid, because I liked the taste, the texture as I was crumbling them in my mouth, the soreness of the tongue ~ Not really worrying for half a sec of possible adverse effects). That awareness is more recent though, if I felt observed back then, I would probably try to talk to you ~ Since we were somehow looking at the same SHIT in our own ways, even if different, the SHIT was A Thing, always. It's not that some of my memories eek me out, or I'm ashamed, but some things were just weirder than others, let's put it this way. Not all the tastes were enjoyable. I felt used many times even without having any idea what was gong on [Modules on how to access some of my functions~]. #Synchronicity ~ as I was writing here, I got this notif on my phone ~ Good timeing! ... Should I understand that what I was thinking about falls into the category Make Noise yada yada what I wrote in: https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/2020/09/weird-headache.html .:Yes:.
A person can't simply begin to understand this about themselves, their life, and then wake up the next day as if aaaaah, nothing happened, now let me be on par with my [useless] routine, drag more people in [useless] ~~~ I wish ISBN 973-97763-5-3 could give me a sign in their spare time.
[...]
But we apparently do talk about the same events, regardless of the views we have, probgramming due to our 'socioculturalfamilialwhatevershapedyou' ~ I Saw an image of a Bird (?) ~ How isn't this in the Zolology category though, and if ALL zolology leads to Deadh, why are we still doing things like this? This, I do not understand. Conspiracies begin to pour, rumors of Evil and other things that I simply do not wish to believe in.
~~~
Petko on a chair in the kitchen.
~
Back of my Lenormand deck (It's called Mystical Lenormand) ~ I got Cross & Gentleman this time.
~
Sad face.
~
View inside the store where Mum got Kitchen furniture after she got the apartment we're in right now, I was with her when we decided on this store. I found it interesting that there was a -quite large- portrait of Arsenie Boca there. Dream Fragments. I don't know what else more :)
~
Copacul iluminat
~
There was a cat sleeping IN that store ~ I've never been delighted with such view before, on any of my previous night strolls.
~
Led Lights in the ground.
~
2 eyez
•
Everything is weirder and weirder.
And I'm really not in the mood to masturbate to prove anything to anyone. Good deed my ass. Sorry but no - I really don't like what these peeps are doing with all the things in my 'system'. From emotions to millimeters of apparent movement. Moving stranger, does it really matter ~ That "arousal". MAN.. I have NO REASON to be aroused these days. Figure Yourselves out. *Sigh* :(
I really don't like. This is not my nature, I'd gladly show you more if I was allowed to 'have a life', but all I hear is NO, and this is a NIGHTMARE. You (a specific someone in the audience) could Easily 'help me' wake up' (I dream while Awake too ~ no need to be scared of my Version of Death),,, Make space for what? Only deadends, all their versions. I've seen, you've seen as well. If you're in denial, I wish I can choose to part ways, in a respectful manner.
I wish I could just curl up in bed, do nothing for a while (2-3 days, a week or so, it's not like I'm attempting to commit a crime FFS, not be in pain because of Anything that I don't or do do), cry, heal [real healing is not possible though while blinded in nightmare state~ They're dragging us along, lying to us, that we are on our way to Fix this and or things pertaining to this Very Thing! It pains me so much to experience 'Life' like this], how I can, from the Madness that my 'life' has been especially past year++, things I never thought possible of myself to waste myself on and how, with no one to really talk to. Ok, I am grateful for some of you but, THIS was never necessary for us, ever. THIS was and is just a waste and don't deny me on saying this because I'm trying to come back from that Dead
END.
What [some of] You chose for me was not normal, nor nice.
*wink*. ... ... You forgot.
✨
15 Oct 2020
Pictures from the park & ganduri razlete
Pictures from the park & ganduri razlete {stray/scattered?thoughts}
~
First, an #ORGASM video clip...Also in podcast form, on my Anchor.
~
Very not interested to learn how others keep this nightmare seem alive.
It was music we were making here until....
~
Reminded me of this.
~
This...
~
Roata P.S.
~
Din ciclul "I wish I had a friend"
~
Nu m-am putut abtine.
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Lacul din Tineretului
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Era asa luminos
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Making love with my phone's camera.
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Bzzz
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Langa lac.
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Lacul vazut de sus si se vede si Casa Poporului
si Catedrala Manuirii Neamului
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Blue green
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Blink
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Pretty boi.
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Faceless
♥
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Save our Souls
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These street lights are not designed with humans in mind /
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Recently popped up nearby to where I live. Fake 'smart' city ~ carton metal.
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Eye inspo
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Cu ele la perete ;)
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Saint Cecilia - Patron saint of Music (My first budgerigar was names after her - mom choose her name)
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Details in the flashlake
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Some feet I really like ~ The lil 👾 in the park. It was a fancy at first sight type of thing ~ He looks looking at -what seems to be- a planet that he's holding in his hand. However, he doesn't want anyone to know that.
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From Land Before Time (1988)
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I don't even know anymore... Keeping up is not what I want to do. I am sick and tired of having nobody to share my gifts and unique talents and abilities with. Masturbation is not healthy sex life for me regardless of how I do it, and I feel even worse since I learned about the 'Innocense' ~ the Errors in Translation, miscommunications and everything else. Tongue - language - nose - search engine -blablablabla hard big this and that and very small as well :* ~ I really don't enjoy this at all and going for 1+ year like this , It didn't wither me, wear me out, or extinguish my light, I just feel terribly bad cause there's nothing REAL in my life. Learn more about that guy that said that there's not enough energy to combobulate me a man to be with? But, he is wrong. I don't know If willfully yes I heard a yes, but.. My life should not be entangled with such individuals. I really despise masturbating and nobody has come with a solution (soul wise) to all this, I've been so mocked and twisted and thrown around despite all my 'goodwill' (I wouldn't use this word, I put in Effort ~ Which is against my Nature as Enjoyer). I'm like none that you can learn from any book though.
Sigh. I don't want to go out on a date. I don't have with who. I tried tinder and that failed miserably (stupid network of numbers being used against me and not much more, as usual with most of my online interactions with people, especially since left my Ex.) And in real life, I choose to be a hermit, I don't even want to know who the ones that hold scrutiny against me for saying this are, but, I am in love. I can't show you HOW or what this truly means to me, because of Artificial Intelligence, and possibly other reasons as well. I don't know. I've been the most persecuted person in the whole Universe when it comes to matters that pertain to Love, yet, I am the One that can do It, Right. This hurts A LOT: I hardly ever think about the one that I'm in love with (HUGE personal efforts from my side, considering, I am not only an Enjoyer, but a Lover type, Archetype. I'm many many without having masks ~ There's a reason the baddies can't Copy Me Me Me or Steal ALL My IDentity). Thoughts are implanted into my head about the one I love, me, stupid programming in regards to love/sex life to perpetuate further the blindness & ignorance we're all swimming in now.
The "Anti Love Energy" I keep talking about. [I am sorry if this upsetted anyone, I see this anti love energy as a tool used by evil - 4 but not only 4 population control - and I still say that, I personally don't believe in Evil I don't believe it exists, despite I 'feel' and see the effects in the reality around me. And 'population' ~ Oh my, still learning/adapting meanings here, still being Hammered-in-the-head about this topic on a daily basis ~ noizzze ~ 'makespace' files]
(I already got pain for saying this and a few little crawlers, eh... *sigh*).
Twisted perverted visions of love in this world that will fall.
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I feel as if something similar to that scene in the movie Perfume, Story of a murderer, already happened. But the people were asleep / not conscious ~ And this has to do with the combobulation of My Reality. I'd rather be dead <forever> than forced to "Love" in an orgiastic, soilless way ~ Or be brainwashed over Aeons that that's what I WANT. Who is who to deny true nature of who?
I wish I had a choice. A real one.
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