You could be my uninvited
Grasping open at the truth
No button can make it sweeter
That is not what I would've given
Songs I wished to feel
Because those winds
could take me where
I wanted to go
It's not about what 'they' might think,
it's never been about that.
Slices slices don't make cake for
hungry idiot
that forgot his own settings.
First there was
Someone I wanted
Comfort of flesh
Eyes I would've never confused
I was available
But the morph was too subtle
Told no story at all.
All the love I could've given
I did what I found I liked
No reproaching for the
poorly understood
self.
But other is something else
Electricity is something else
Noise in the head is something else
Numbers might be something else
Everything might've been something else.
I didn't care
I was open to know.
Not even a squiggling worm
As this moment passes by
Tarnished by misunderstood thoughts
Trembling at the potentiality of nothingness
Racing against waves of shit
Acting every day because there's nothing else I know
Committed to find something better to do
Trusting what lies beyond primary instincts
Mending together parts of myself that feel so damn right
Ever wondering...
A potion was needed
But it wasn't you.
Compounding gathered data, I'm sorry but I don't regret. This doesn't mean I would do it again. I feel just the same for the 'good things'. I feel my message was always clear, on layers. I don't think the reality I experience now is punishment for my actions in the past.
Dunno who put shit in my head. Awake or asleep.With you I go, you I'd never call.
The process
The finality
Scavenging through unrefined memories to find missing links
If there's even such a thing
No means no
And I gave mine away so many times
It wasn't even needed.
I don't know what to do with this strength.
Copulate, multiply, nature screams. In - Out. Value, ugly.
Flavors... No...
It would've made sense. But it's not enough for a true embrace.
I look and I wonder
With awe I ponder
I find a tablet with etchings
THERE IS NO SUCH THING!
Who told you that? Dunno.
If it's not like that, how is it?
Dunno.
What do you wish for?
Dunno.
Operating intricate devices to access flowering realities, however they might be called... Alternate, parallel, virtual, w/e... Operating takes place (words not too literal here) from a standpoint. How is that reality & why? The ONE version that is correct. Why is that correct and not others? Without knowing that, I don't want to proceed. Funny how so many things mean just the same thing. I looked everywhere, no matter how unpleasant or unlikely(tobetrue). What did I find? Nothing concludent.
Time doesn't make me more desperate. Maxed a long time ago... No amount of desperation could account for compassionate understandment towards some sick things. The reasons for that sickness though... I do not see them clearly, but I sense something funny about it, something that would delight my mind. Wondering what sort of knowledge that is.
I looked at shit from the past, trying to see it with different types of eyes, to understand wtf happened why did it happen the way it did, meanings, did I not see something essential? Hilarious, stupid, powerful, it didn't matter... My own interpretation of whatever chessboard might be... I didn't find myself... Nor disposable others. Nothing... No match for ???
Preferences don't mean anything when they don't matter at all in the greater scheme of things (personal).
/ / / / / / / //////////////////////////////// / / / / / / /
!
So what to do with... Fertile soil... That apparently is like an interface, which changes based on... ( ? something to do with time & wrong attributed will/power). Sneaky sneaky but means notmuchy. Whatever dared pester me... All this time... For a message that wasn't accepted _ _ _ _ (when?)... When it was already clear.
Wrote this because I woke up grumpy after yet another dream with my ex that I don't like to dream of & YEARS AGO, while I was with him I didn't dream him too often(for introspection, relationship shit, w/e). X(
Yeah I feel someone is playing tricks on me & I don't know how to defend myself. I feel I make my point of view clear, not to impose, to be known.
Macar daca era altcineva in loc de ala, poate m-as fi simtit mai bine, sau altfel.
Da, dar, daca era altcineva poate te-ai fi purtat altfel in vis. Ce te face sa crezi ca te-ai purtat asa pentru ca erai cu ala si nu cu altcineva? Oricum nu era ceva familiar dupa dorintele tale, alegeri... Nici o reprezentare prea fericita a vreunor chemari ancestrale.
Macar mi-a placut cum stiam sa imi repar ceasul, cum il stergeam de apa, peisajele montane, zapada, crocodilul... Ce conteaza restul? :)) Cum adica? Ceva a intrat la mine in vis si eu nu vad unde am probleme de securitate ca sa iau masuri... Ce fel de masuri? Nu stiu, macar sa stiu care e problema. Ma simt luata la misto si umilita (tentativa proasta de brainwash?) cand vad cum se incearca o asamblare a simbolurilor pentru derutarea perceptiilor... Undeva unde un mecanism poate fi folosit altfel. Repet, nu m-am dat niciodata nimanui asa incat sa sufar astfel de consecinte. Figurativ vbind, cautarile unor locuri nu inseamna vieti traite pe meleagurile alea care sa atarne la karma.
Penibil.
</3
Nu inseamna ca....
... Ba din contra.
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