25.02.21 Am fost la posta azi. Au sosit bilele anale comandate de pe AliExpress in Octombrie 20. Intr-un plic fara nici o data, stampila cu data, etc. Nu stiu ce o sa fac cu ele, lol. Cand eram adolescenta am citit ca se introduc in (*) si daca le tragi afara incet cand ai orgasm, e ceva foarte placut. :/
Din jurnal: Am visat ciudat – like a
roleplay with characters I didn’t rly like/care about ~ bla bla… Inainte sa
adorm ma tot gandeam “If I love you,
that’s not self love”. [Explicatie: If I love someone, that
does’t mean that that person loves themselves.]* Am vazut mecanisme cu chestii
din sticla, ca niste capsule mici, cilindrice, in jurul carora erau infasurate
sarme arginii la capete (nu stiu din ce material erau facute chestiile alea,
dar aratau interesant, o miscare omogena, nu stiu la ce erau folosite). Erau
multe prinse de ceva, aratau aproape ca niste petale… Cand m-am trezit am avut
un gand, cum ca sunt proscrisa din cauza ca am avut orgasm. Dar nu am inteles la
despre care era vorba… Primul? Sau cand vorbeam cu cineva?? Nu m-am
masturbat niciodata “real time” cu cineva de pe net. Cand David era in baie si
eu la Stefan, ne-am scris pe messenger dar nu interactionam cand ma masturbam,
decat pe alocuri. Si nu ma gandeam la el… L
Floating si “trebuia sa ajung la orgasm”. Thunder. Ce legatura are cu cainii si
orgasmele mele? Eh. Nu pot sa ma gandesc prea aprofundat la asta… Tentativa de
pain si noise.
Azi timpul trece prea repede. De ce?
Am fost pe afara. La intoarcere urcam scarile si am simtit atmosfera de coafor de cand eram copil. WTF J
~~~
*Una din greselile mele, pa care nu le inteleg indeajuns din cauza ca ??? Smth to do with AI and or numbers.
https://occultpriestess.wordpress.com/2019/08/23/creative-differences/ - Love Her Blog ~ Found inspiration to understand myself better. Very grateful.
This passage speaks to me a lot:
“Then & Now Comparison:
In the past, when I met someone new that I enjoyed, I would paint on them. I am a highly creative soul, with piercing perception, who ‘quantifies data’ of subconscious and super-conscious awareness, at lightning speed. Trauma in my childhood, developed me into a psychic wonder woman. When listening to someones “Story” or autobiographical narrative, I would be ‘busy’ taking note, of flaws and background issues of origin, while AIR BRUSHING their short comings. At the same time, I was open and observing, for I was genuine in my friendships- However I was not Quiet, and I forgave their flaws even if they made this person Completely Incompatible with my Morals. This was a DEEP FAKE of the SELF. (lol) I would Listen to them, and PERFECT Them in real time, and before my Perception, a real Dog could become a fabricated Prince. I ARTED PEOPLE!
I decorated strangers with
Ideal love. I airbrushed their flaws, I was in denial.” – GUILTY! I do not understand the Quiet part though.
♥
