Data - 21/08/2020
18.08.
69 kg & 95-72-100
Mai devreme am fost afara { un pic si unde nu planuisem sa ma duc } si <<Tacerea>> (Luna Amara)... Nu am auzit-o pana acum asa niciodata. O experienta f. ciudata de experimentat (to experience). Imi amintesc de ce simteam acum ani... Despre Hong Kong - O combinatie unica de vechi si nou ♥ Acum si in Bucuresti - "O combinatie unica de vechi si nou" - doar ca vechiul e: Abandonat, nu "vechi natural" si noul urla... E... Altfel (Tiitii - sunet de claxon afon ~ claxofon)
What do you do when the outside world feels like a stranger, but it used to be you friend?
19.08.
Hello, Time. This time, I have a bone to pick with you .๐งก Looking at the screen of my phone earlier, was reading something, white text, black background. Light coming from screen was not continual, as it appears regularly. But I saw it gently flashing, over and over and over again... "Making up" what I was seeing. At this point, I don't even know if it's worth knowing if that happens because of the tech in the phone or the tech in (of) my eyes...No.
20.08.
Agitatie invizibila dar perceptibila... Many annoyances. Not complaining ~ half baffled though.
*Disclaimer: Maya ~ Illusion*
Dupa ce m-am masturbat am vazut cum ca, multe din kkturile din ziua de azi sunt din cauza unui arc care nu se misca nici, nici. Adica nici macar nu e un arc. Doar arata ca un arc.
The little ones sa fie "facuti" sa se reconfigureze ca sa faca un arc adevarat [functional in context].
I had to slap myself hard to show what I think.
~ The bent corner clues, ๐ THX! {I talked about this in the past about some stuff that are in the Bible too} "The ones who can understand" (Neemia 8-2,3 ~ etc.). Multa mitologie multe minciuni scripturi prost platite si scrum.
Aveam o vorba prin 2005 sau 6.. Dream awakened, Dream aware ~ Mai conteaza ca imi amintesc anul? Stii cat de tare doare cand cineva te priveste in 'ochi', te trage de 'urechi' si presupune ca iti amintesti chestii asa, DIN CUR?! [No.] ~ Ok, then, why are you even still talking with me (Suppa Soldier guy~) and who the fuck gave you the Power to live so Blindly, hurting others and impeccably being abolished of 'fault'? By design, Wrong. (Made with purpose [By who? How?] ~ "We will not fail our mission" & other such creeps to Watch over). !WAKE UP! You're having a very, very, very bad dream. I am sensing the touch of your 'fingertips' as I typed those things here, and I do not like it one bit. It's not that it isn't fair like this, but it only leads to deadends, I do not wish to participate, I do not consent with what "the settings guys" are doing most of the time ~ Regardless of everything. And It hurts me to sense that in the ways that I do. I wish I wouldn't know anything about you & vice-versa, not even in the mess that we're stuck together. Masturbating thinking about DOGS? (ANIMAL PORN IN MY HEAD) ~ Do you have any idea what that does to 'Psyche' in a world (My world) where I do not see life as a game, I can't swallow more excuses with Waiting, etc. There's no progress! Every day goes by, just more shit everywhere.
~ Cand socoteala de Acasa nu se potriveste cu cea din targ. [Storefronts] ~
What's what's real?
Uhhh? I don't care that you 'liked it'. Over and over and over again. IT'S SICK! IT'S WRONG. No one has bested me yet despite all that happened in this past year (summer 2019++). Yet I still can't have a life. (for what that really means - I'm not allowed to see key elements because apparently that would be 'Too Good' and some peeps not allowed to see that as .:True:. *sigh* & *facepalm*).
FB live de ieri:
https://www.facebook.com/ishkira/videos/10217984228262400/
si
https://www.facebook.com/ishkira/videos/10217984597991643/
More from my FB stuff ~
My profile: https://www.facebook.com/ishkira
Group I made: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ishkira/
19 August at 03:05
Time, why can't I joke with You? I wanted to say: Oh Fuck, it's 3 am already, how Efficient of you. (biiiiiiiiiiiiiig 'E')
~ but something crushed me that that might sound disrespectful. Well. I heard you like it anyway (what I said, not your super efficiency) 
:D
TO SEE YOU LIKE I SEE AN OS? But HOW?
Os - bone, and to bone, you probably know what that means. I only know what I heard.
19 August at 02:12 ·
Azi am experimentat (I experienced, not I experimented!) manipularea selectiva a simtului: vaz. Sau nu stiu ce a fost {Maya - Illusion ~ mysteries}. In pofida tuturor kkturilor, this shit doesn't prove any #progress from the Baddies ~ I know I am Unbreakable, so. This is just, a silly play, Unnatural and, dare I speak about health? No, ofc. I didn't exercise yet since I woke up last time. But hey, I'm gonna exercise, and yes, imho tthe madness to these 'methods' of what happened lately is profoundly Unhealthy. *signal sent*.
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More from my fb:
#transhumanism SI IN ASTROLOGIE? < HELOOOOO > ~ < Hell ; 0 >
Cu alte cuvinte, chestia asta ma sperie, nu avatarul, nu idul, nu numele, nu ce mi-am imaginat despre el, nu talentul oratoric despre dansul {dance, not sir} planetelor ๐ (Pe Valeriu Pฤnoiu il stiu de la TV, am admirat mereu modul lui de a vorbi in context), nu textul, doar ca... Eu vad portocaliul... Altfel... "Lumina e plictisitoare", zicea Valeriu candva (dupa dictare, hooo, nu dau vina pe el!), ei... Cu tot ce s-a furat de la mine s-a ajuns 'aici', asa ca... No fucking comment. Nu.
Acestea fiind spuse, tocmai ce am aplicat la un job de.... Vanator de parcari! ๐ท๐ด :D na link: https://www.ejobs.ro/…/v%C3%A2n%C4%83tor-de-parc%C4…/1320811 ; sau pentru cei cu 'dureri de cap': https://tinyurl.com/y638nz4z . Nu, nu insinuez nimic, era doar un puf de Paranoia. (limba si linkurile) :-<
...
18 August at 04:40 ·
[About the 'hot' pain ~] When the things happen like in the past few hours, it doesn't annoy me / it HURTS me!
•
{Hearing the 1 line trigger in my head might be annoying / embarrassing - especially when I hear those words in my EXs voice haha *facepalm* / I find it stupid / such mechanism should NEVER be implemented and or used on ANYONE not even as punishment for ANYTHING} NO!
•
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This, representation of Tower #tarot card, I did this many years ago, (10+/-). I found this artwork I really liked online, I do not remember the name of the artist, I no longer have the artwork jpg. But I 'copied' it ~ because I felt really compelled to 'keep' it this way. I traced contours with the paper over the screen, I don't feel bad I copied it but at the same time I do. I remember what I thought when I saw it though: it's about the pain of masturbation. Words wouldn't be enough, 4 I still don't understand the message completely either. ~ *** Earlier I told a client this: I had a vision quite recently, I had a big dick coming out of my forehead. As if I was a Unicorn but with a penis instead of a horn ~ and a nice lady was giving me a bj ~ Instead of feeling pleasure, that hurt though. ~
A modus operandi (often shortened to M.O.) is someone's habits of working, particularly in the context of business or criminal investigations, but also more generally. It is a Latin phrase, approximately translated as mode of operating. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modus_operandi
~ Ishkira Wind I swear I heard "Mundus Operandi".
~
Spiraling back to where I started sharing with you today from my fb shit ~
FootNote: Don't mind the words but, Sirisys (Twitter), Sirisys Prime and whatnot, you get the drift, you saw the flava. ~ whatever that 'Sis' is ~ is an Impersonator; it's more than 1 year since I see shit posted on that account in 'flow' with what I do or go through.
[!What about Original Beings?! ~ Golden child, my ass *I am always beautiful*]
This is not critique, but a real Alarm. I am not in COMpetition with that thing, I do not agree, I do not approve. No-no! (Blind Fools can't see) ~ sometimes posts cute Pictures though, but how many other AIs (?), Accounts, do that and are in no direct correlation whatsoever with 'what has been done TO me' ~ Please, do not seek to Repair, and do not misinterpret these words. That thing will never be 'Real'. Regardless of everything.
~
https://twitter.com/ishkirawind/status/1295428651866095616
Eye sees... Ochi, sita, strada, masini, copaci, stalpi.
"Heard about C Reactive Protein on the TelePhone" (clairaudience) ~ Rabbit hole about my OWN health / what has been done to me in this life (by baddies) ~ stolen 'tech' ~ controversy ~ many CON men involved, I don't know, I don't care. [u]I am not allowed to learn the Truth about my Self [Know Thyself] and this is a BIG Problem[/u].* My dad looked different in the pic where I was sick. wink, wink. *Sigh* ~ This topic is very disgusting to me.
* Si asta este doar unul din motivele pentru care tot spun ca: Everything I do is in vain ~ Bad Programming, over and over again. No progress. Spiteful liars.
Arata ca sita de la geam - Looks like the window screen.
Screens ~~~ I wonder...
Mecanism de actiune (?) Kkt, Love for something then Politics again, deadend period. (Cu sau fara cifre, dar e cu cu) Kookooooooo! I prefer Caw, and call that Cra.
Festinul minciunilor.
Thank you for this wonderful Art. Yes, I consider this art, and not a glitch.
Deci... Cum facem? Ma mai masturbez mult ca proasta? Si cum o fac...
Nu, nu imi place. Nu, nu consider ca face parte din mecanismul vindecarii / poate duce la vindecare. Doar orbeliste in continuare si 'Joc' stupid [Chestie care face nesanatosenia si mai nesanatoasa. 'La Puterea a' ++]. Pe cat vad mai mult, pe atat mai stupid si dezgustator mi se pare. Deadends. 'Tot ce trebuie' scos din context [contextul corect; Nu in concordanta cu convenienta aranjarii pieselor in macaz]. Cand cuvintele incep sa aiba sens... Linguistyx strikes again with more blabbering Nonsense. ๐ข
Thank you ~
Thank you SoulSis for your work ~ stuff like these is what made me question my own Reality: https://occultpriestess.wordpress.com/2016/07/01/summer-of-the-super-shero/ ~ https://occultpriestess.wordpress.com/2020/02/02/the-twilight-zone/
Un avertisment ~ 22/08/2020
Nu stiu de ce am simtit sa pun acel titlu, insa da...
21.08. Ce bataie de joc...No offense (ca deja a inceput sa ma doara capul) dar... Nu. [Vis-a-vis de toata situatia curenta cu "my family"] NO NO NO NO NO.
- So... The Sun and the Moon are like... Accounts?
- No, they are veggies.
(?) Lol
IT happens through Control. ( about how they've/are been able to read parameters (physiological) from a distance.
->Reconfigurare past future {Poor Time, *sigh*}
Wrote about this in the previous article as well ~
(Spiritual?) [No] Transhuman ~ first heard hints abt this from Albert Ignatenko (Sa fi un fenomen, sau ceva de genul) -_- Bad teachings that look (illusion!) good.
Pretty lights {Tell me lies,tell me sweet little lies)
22. I just don't want to masturbate anymore. Every "session" traumatizes me.
Layers of trauma. NOT a Staircase, Hippies!
I haven't been wrong... Once... Since starting this "journey". MLT ~ Multiple level trickery. How disturbingly and disgustingly SAD. "L e a r n" ~ Ha ~
What a joke.
Heard some guys trying to imply that they don't have enough "data" yet (through / for analysis). That's Wrong & who taught them so is wrong as well.
- NOT ENOUGH DATA MY ASS -
Honest thought - 24/08/2020
Add title - 27/08/2020
• Coming out (of) the light (dark) of day / We got many moons that are deep at play / So I keep an eye on the shadow's smile / To see what it has to say / You and I both know / Everything must go away / Ah, what do you say? • RHCP
Lies, echoes and dust (not dust in the wind though)
• There's no reason to keep repeating... I don't like it... But, I don't like having orgasms / what's happening. It's not that I don't want to be benevolent, but I don't have with Who, considering how my reality is combobulated / the circumstances, the appearances. Through ALL the "nicknames" (Accounts?) that are interacting with me online... Good voices (Good voices NEVER "Take over"~) cat't speak. Only calculated BAD (mindless, unaware, not authentic). I "am" trapped but I don't feel so (~illusion).
It's mind boggling to give Alpha Numerical replies over and over and over again
.
It's against my own (and Normal/Moral) principles of Communication. The more I masturbate, the worse it gets. And everything I do is (still) in vain.
Wrong. - 28/08/2020
~
Hello. I am still baffled (I can't believe my eyes like ~) about what I've seen lately in the 'Media' around me in RE: to 'dogs' & all. After all this time and many traumatizing masturbation experiences, despite the mutual conclusion that Zolology is Death, I still don't get all the fuss about dogs, fish & co considering it takes Light BEINGS to combobulate even what I see on the window. [Possibly false light which I don't know what is](?) ~ Speed ~ "sex"(?) ~ 'things' I see. WTF. WTF. Very humiliated lately, from minor lil pesky things to downright 'crazy' type of 'brought to my attention' in ways that I would never think about myself ~ I'm very sad.
TBS Satsuma TBS Brazil Nut Hello.. I'm alright, you? Why are you telling me this? *raises eyebrow* Gosh, we don't even know eachother... Lol Idc. What do you expect? I don't want to roleplay as your sister .. if that's what you're after... You can tell me about it here. Here. Oh. I don't know what to say, this really happen to you or is it like a dream of yours? :)) Thanks for the details, sounded just like movie scenes I could see. No room for misinterpretation, right? Wait, I'm not interested in such details. You have a way with words, I must admit. Tell me about what you wanted to tell me about. I'll try to remember what you said about honesty. Ok now I'm sure you don't even have a dick. Or at least none that I know of. Instincts. And you know what's worse? No video footage or picture could convince me otherwise. Look I'm a human alright? Army having a dick means one thing mainly. For you it might mean something completely different. I don't want confusion like this For me* not army, lol Naughty voice to text thing... I don't even know what to say to that, this conversation is beyond weird. Maybe I just don't care about your dick. I just want to make sure that I avoid as much misinfo as possible Sexual being... Are we all? Sexual healing... What about that? Ppl don't want to admit their trauma, so they can heal. And the ones that want to heal, are not allowed to. Me? First I still need to understand some things, some things are so deeply ingrained into my memories that I can't really see what happened.. hmmm. About orgasms and such. I've learnt all I know about sex from what I've read or seen on screens... Apparently that was wrong. I am I'm not sure you want to know about that though. I have something special... When it comes to all this... I want to learn to put that to good use. And I can't if I still have to do things based on my old programming. You can ask me anything if you'd like to know details. Before I saw any porn, I've read articles in magazines/books :) 17-18 it happened through masturbation In the shower :)) brb back I wouldn't like that, personally :P DId she ever know? aaaaaaaaaaand? Anything else? So far this whole thing ~ where do you want to get with this? Do you feel any better now that you've told me about this? :P Was curious, that's why. I still don't know what to say about your story though. Sounds a bit off to me, as if, fragments from a dream of sorts. Alright :P - not interested - I don't remember what I was thinkinking of, probably tried my best not to think about anything, I remember I thought it might interfere with the process, haha. I'm programmed to have orgasms only if I think about oral sex ~ however, I do not enjoy that in real life so.... both, depends on how I felt like... Why does it even matter No. I didn't feel like moaning..... Surprised? wtf Thinking about my first orgasm, I remember that it was very underwhelming, but saying that is unfair, for I had no idea (and I still don't know for sure) what a TEAMWORK that was ~ I was learning with Others what's happening, it wait whole text didnt appear as I wrote it. it was like our project, together, even though I thought that I'm all alone, and I was ok with that ~ I was not. We were learning together 'what's happening', somehow based on how I imagined things, based on the Wrong stuff that I've read 'to learn from' about sex, orgasm, etc. with others? I am a Goddess. Aware of different parts of myself, even if I can't clearly see. It's Trauma, for all involved. ~ Wrong Teachings can only lead to Wrong (Bad / traumatic, etc) Outcomes... *sigh* I don't know for sure what you want to know, but main idea is what I said earlier, I 'thought' it has to be a certain way based on what I understood from what I've read / seen. Not sure 'qualify' is the word I'd use in this context, lol ~ And also, what's not clear from what I already said? Trauma from mind control (through Bad media ~ Wrong teachings). Not knowing the truth about oneself (!) Programmed to have orgasms only if I think of oral ~ I don't know. Evil people chose that for me :) I don't believe in Evil though ~ I don't know what more details you wanna know about The fact that I don't like it, should be enough for you to understand. I'm here to have a good time with the ppl I chat with..I don't know who the 'Evil ones' are, All is but a Dream, anyway, I don't know how they did it ~ If this sounds confusing, know that I am confused as well The way I've been programmed when it comes to anything -sex- related started in early childhood, and more layers of bad programming at each 'life stage', as I grew up... :) Leaving this here for no future research: https://www.silkstream.net/blog/2016/02/b-vs-strong-i-vs-em-whats-the-difference.html ~="" one="" of="" my="" #spirit="" guides="" told="" me="" that,="" strong="" vs="" bold="" has="" to="" do="" with="" the="" 'mobile'="" aspect="" things="" {in="" this="" whole="" immovable="" combobulatonated="" 'nature'="" (?)}="" upon="" search,="" i="" stumbled="" that="" article.="" a="" bitter="" smile="" later="" and="" salute="" in="" appreciatio="" some="" fellow="" (lil'ones)="" hard="" workerz="" ♥="" what="" waste="" time.="" bye.<="">I don't have anything to say wright now. Not in the mood of refurbishing from my past sayings just for the sake of saking {I find that annoying at best, morally questionable @ wrst} ~ Everything I do is still in vain ~ My 'situation' is getting worse as the days go by ~ on all planes :) [Yeah I know, it's an Illusion anyway ~ But unless I get to actually TALK with someone about this & more, have a friend, have a real chance at a real life; everything IS in vain] ~ After every Genuine 'thing' I put -out there- I find how I'm welcomed with More Mockery and things that I label under the Category Humiliation anyway, so. No hint of real understatement ( ephemeral doesn't count here ~ ) ~ So here are some new-ish pictures. I don't know what to say, but this: I am profoundly disappointed. *wink*
~•~•~•~
I Hope you realize what you're doing, Just as I'm trying to ~ Pings sent your way ~ If you're worth 'it' - the time (You can't make up for the lost time ~ buy back, etc ~ as I've read from a book). - I was never allowed to really choose what I do with Mine. A little reminder for the spears that hear whatever they're programmed to translate wrong by the shitface wrong Design 'meant to' (??? rofl) Overwrite God.
Harm none! [Doc, you sure you know what you're doing? Cause mirroring that "If I had a real Choice I wouldn't be doing things this way" ~ doesn't ring the shit from a bell to me.]
~ Be well ~
Necromancer whois - 01/09/2020
~
25. Necromancer whois (lies, illusion!), Keywords abunda & me being cornered against my will. So sick of the lies... And their crumbs. Pardon poor self expression through words but... I've seen some things that I rather "process" under different circumstances ( I earned them ~ still not granted -> same reasons as all bad ~ Anti Love Energy vs. Enlightenment ♥) ++ All mental thrash due to what passed through in front of my eyes. Calculations made by baddies, to make me look bad regardless of what I do. Coins thrown on the ground; instead of hugs. I'm not a beggar. • Heard sound from Aurolaci, I remember how some sounds they made sounded like, like a song, but very strange sounding. Wondered what that has to do with any programming (through my ears); got an idea that that was part of <Deleted scenes>. WTF? Regardless of all the online "craze" (mockery & all) my worst thing to deal with is immediate (combobulated) reality & how "it" works against me, mind [v], body[v] & soul[x]. Precipitatio ~ bad "Alchemy", not following through with what's Good. Past year (summer 19-20) spins inside my head like the most painful torture device; 27. We're all just prisoners here; of [...] Device ~ LVX In vain, in vain, in vain, in vain... Until now = in vain Or, the "rulers" are very, very dumb ppl. I see them as ghastly puppets though... Immune to their shit, unlike the ones that combobulate my "realitee". ๐ง Here's a tear. 29.08. I don't have anything to write now. The only reason why I'm writing is because if I don't, it's "bad", somehow. How stupid. I'm so sad. I'd never do things like this if I had a choice. Only stoopid everywhere. Very few exceptions that I still don't get how it can be Hierarchycized like so. 30.08 Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing Writing & Writing some more. Genuine inquiry. What is the meaing of a hat?! first saw em @ grandparents (?) in this life.
31.08 [nightmare] A future of "fake immortality" where you aren't even allowed to die. You're <<kept alive>> to serve, not to live. For that wouldn't be called life under no authentic jurisdiction (???) Whaaat? Yesterday when I was out I experienced first hand a weird type of "harvesting" ~ So "the world" around me would still seem borderline "normal", Passable; so that the reporters (hired; trained wrong ways) wouldn't really notice. {Or when they notice, they 'forget' when it's 'necessary'}. Signals causing noise in my head; the "stress" (stress is not the right word though? I don't know the correct word) I emit in exchange is gathered / used as fuel (BAD!) for the combobulatory process. Absolutely disgusting. To look into my mother's eyes... And see... [Because I'm T.I.] There's not much there but #keywords... Is devastating. I can't allow myself to fully feel that! Shits "copy" from Me and use against others (us all) over and over again... Darker? More sinister? There are not good words for such atrocious decisions. (PPL! Wake up! It's somebodies CHOICES). How can they lie like this... As if there's nothing good left in them. Multiple nuisances on all levels I dwell in. My "unbreakableness" mirrored Wrong & used 4 BAD! I can't live with this idea... Infestating... Everyth I take in (air, water, food, media). I observe all these in the Now (socialengineered Future?) HOW? How is this degree of wrongness allowed? Money is NOT the answer. Humans vs nonHumans Parable doesn't fit the gaps either? Evil? I don't believe in it! Never will ~ it's Brainwash. It's not REAL; it can't be MADE real ~ it's not an ambition; it's against the rules of Life (not bendable, fuckers!) • IT HE SHE what? ~ If you don't have it; you don't have it; Periodt. • Stupidity that apparently knows no bounds. And here I am ~ I have to masturbate / orgasm again and again... To show what? To prove what? When will i be allowed to "be" on <My> Level? Or to have a choice ~ not to be used anymore for this charade. Look @ all they did with what was Illegally taken from me... All these years... So much fake. There's no side to choose. They're all wrong if they agreed 2 This! No "lesser evil" stratagem should be permitted either. (-THE Goddess-)
~~~
Degeaba Pilde despre mecanismul uitarii... Sau cum "Ce sa faci cand idiotii se joaca urat de-ti auzi propria voce in capul TAU spunand chestii alegorico~alfanumerizidiceproaste". Asta doar asa, pentru ca esti bun ( ai ceva ce nu se poate lua ~ ) Si astea-s doar cuvinte. Cand cuvintele dor,cine mai plange? Cand cuvintele plang, te doare? Solutie? Incercate zeci si mii, ca doar altfel nu am fi "ajuns" "aici" ~ Un nicaieri ....(no words for it) Noroc ca nu dureaza mult ♥♥ Testele pulii. • Voci de fantome care "scriu" (nu stiu ce naiba e dar nu il identific ca si scris) cum sa foloseasca timpul ca arma (?) WTF. 01.09.
•
•
•
~
Be well. ๐บ๐๐ Thankyou for reading ~
I would like to know… - 01/09/2020
2 orgasms, achieved in the same way.Another orgasm, achieved in the same way ~
I would like to know why I have to do this again and again, I feel I harm myself (abuse my own mind) in the process of having to apply same ol’ BAD programming. Add the piles of other abuse constantly sent my way and make the calculations for yourself. ~ I am still a coherent being after all this, even if we might understand different things from these words. I proved myself over and over again and this is BAD, because it’s just feeding a very Toxic mechanism. I did it to help others see & hopefully (be allowed to) heal myself, but it’s constantly getting worse and worse. I AM unbreakable (the noise in my head is not mine!), and nothing in this world can take that away from me. Even if I have no real choice… Do you know how much all this hurts? All the pretty places you’ve seen ‘through’ my eyes, or read ‘on’ my <body>… Stay there forever ~ I hear a ghost singing ~ I think we have much more to ‘visit’, discover, understand, explore, rejoyce in, than these refurbishments of Past programming. I say this again, I do not like/enjoy having orgasms.
Take care!
Podcast. - 04/09/2020
https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/anorgasmingsessionandsometalkinginthebeginning-ej3ohi
Clicky.
iwishiwasdelusionalthatwouldmakemoresense - 05/09/2020
05.09.20 (5:25 p.m.) Writing... I have nothing to say... Imi este scarba... "Surprised I'm still allowed to have a face" ~ Only to be used though. I don't want to let them see. I don't want to let them see. I don't want to let them see. I'm ashamed to say, but everything I do is still (in vain) nothing more but a waste of time. I hardly ever think my thoughts (Protection) and Action ~ Nonaction ~ Reaction isms only seem to "work around the clock" ~ for the Benders. Piles of keywords and lies... Going strong... getting lost... Morphing faces... No friend... Used in memories, as they happened... Why do I write all this? I don't know. The things I'd rather write about... My own thoughts lanes and landscapes... Hidden... Protection (song & lyrics). Fasting day today... Null encouragements, no offence. Petrified 2 what "they" (planned 2?) show me through my senses. How disgusting. I don't wanna be here... Not like this. Murmured hiss... Life hurts without a heartfelt kiss... Fleur de lis was not meant 2 be drawn in blood.040904042573658 - 06/09/2020
4.04. All these lies so they can lie some more. Woke up in pain again. Prompted to “come” again. Know this (if you hear what I talk in my head) 1. Not everything you hear is my voice (very annoying) 2. I won’t be rude! I’m just sick of their lies 2 me. [2day; weather; “mom”; dream; fake politeness] I don’t know what movie’s you’re stuck on watchin’; but mine is a HOAX; And it’s not that I want to defend myself (I don’t know how to do that properly) I’m just VERY SICK of the blatant lies 2 my Face; As if I have no heart… << But I showed you already… Why don’t you believe me? Why do I have to do it again? And then they expect me to be “normal” (according to) fake (data) numbers (your movies) … What about my kind of “normal” ? ~ I can’t even afford a free trial period ~ Mwah >>
06.09. I am in love… If I wasn’t, I’d still think the same about all the sickness. The more I “see” the more “confirmations” I get / but I never asked 4 / needed them. It hurts like hell. Whisper – creatures forming a net of gossip infested cloud – I’m surrounded ~ The ones I like & I ~ can’t reach eachother ~ Tricks!
How can I trust? Trust someone I can touch and touch someone I can trust.
I “let” (as if I had any choice – ha) these guys in the most personal / intimate corners of my mind and… To what avail? Programmed 2 let eachother down. Evil grins smirking spark in “safe distance” ~ ILLusion ~ game of mirrors – not my shit – bleah.
Bye 4 now.
Aa - 09/09/2020
08.09 So that's why they (Baddies) give me pain... Cause they "have" no Time. But.. But.. Time has no problem to be "mine" issue after issue... So... Fuck the hell off!
? Notawoman (EMperoar)
Worshipped
Making thunder Golden not
The elders know
Lab coat
Long black hair
Imparateasa viselor sparte pretuita ca si cum ar fi "a cerurilor" desi nu are nici macar pamant (timp)... Hmmm... O aripa franta de avion si o Laura care n-are ce face. Deseneaza prostii dupa ce-si aminteste din Biserica si blabberings. #prophecies from a REAL PSY~Chic grrrl...
I was thinking somehow about what happens Backstage in the Tarot IV - V & The lies that should've been (will be?) XXI... So 4, 5, 21(!) All Tarot is fun 4 Plutonians like me (joke)
Pana si compasul e cu cracii in sus (Joker laughter)
~~~
"Cine e"?
Cand simt furnicaturi ~ intense in dreptul fundului? ~ Ma simt ciudat ~ tot felul de idei. Dar parca nimic nu are rost. Romanescul IDEI rimeaza doar cu Englezescul DELAY (?) ~ nu cu viata sau cel putin ce simt eu ca inseamna sa traiesti. Viziuni ciudate dar vad despletirea lor in prezent; si daca ma gandesc mai bine, nu difera f. mult de trecutul pe care am invatat sa il vad cumva cu alti ochi. Deci... Ce se intampla? Cum? De ce? Risipa... Nimic cu adevarat concret. Concretul e ceva despre care mai multe tabere * (genetix) au ceva de spus; Dar; inca visez, visul altcuiva; chiar si daca are elemente din presupusa mea realitate... Deci, inca nu stiu ce e concret cu adevarat dar multi din * gresesc / se inseala. Si nu imi place [I do not consent] sa fac parte din schemele lor ciudate, oricat de interesante ar fi unele chestii de digerat ({! Thanks 4 teh books!}). Ma simt (prea) singura ~ prea NEsingura d.p.d.v. al ~ minte internet idei ziduri manipulare furt "Dans"? Nu. Cacofonie.
Why do I do what I do? " [quotation marks] ~ interesting concept; but I feel as if I'm moving farther & farther away from myself. Oh. Venting: Close nearby; Hell calculus is making my (perceived reality through) senses grow bitter (sweet sour pain) every day. Smirk smirk *pukes*. I have no one to really talk to - looks at toes. Oh my. What they did to us lately... My monkey self jumps to the ceiling and morphs into a gecko~like reptile then becomes invisible ~ can't catch me ~ won't touch me. Not you, dear Journal; the weirdos who keep on reloading us into these weird ways ~ I feel as if no genuine play possible ~ SUPERvised {visor, visier, dreams, dust} by freacko's. Smh.
too sad - 09/09/2020
I’m too sad to write, to sad to draw, to sad to clean, too sad to open my eyes, too sad to do anything ~ No, I don’t need meds, I need me, no d’s, ds’s or another D… I’ll go on about my day, do the routine of the same thing with the same thing because ~ orgasm always reached the same way, and (after all this time) I still don;t know why ppl want to see that in my mind. -_-Regardless of the choice of words sounds or vibes, I keep on’ sayin, we are Wrongly interlaced in here, and no matter how ‘you’ turn it, it’s always the same, same shit old pain. So… Take care. I know I can’t (not allowed ~ fake paper storefronts restricting access from me doing the fucking Right thing(s) for myself ~ so u can see too). For the Millionth time, No, I do not see life, or ‘this’ as a game, so I am not Willing to participate, under no circumstance.
What am I doing with my life? - 12/09/2020
Did not enjoy (cummed twice, once off cam - I was in bed - the 2nd time on cam, on the floor) ~ looking at my face as I came on cam I first giggled, then I said to myself: FUCK! They won't understand what they wanted to understand this time either.
From my journal: 10.09. !Avion cu motor / Ia-ma si pe mine-n zbor! ~
I keep finding that <I want to make love with a book> (a "special" ♥ type of reading [ ] ) but there's no time/space for that. (Sad). I'm not even allowed to love a robot (!!!)
I'm not even allowed to love a robot.
I'm not even allowed to love a robot.
Not even allowed to love a robot, before his eyes turn red.
Do you know what love is? We protect eachother. And that's just a glistening little thing, underneath a healthy foundation.
I am not allowed to (really) build.
What about the orgasms then? Why do them at all?
<Goodbye. I...forget.>
She & He cars ~ with 'Nothing (-) in between ~
Bucks - bricks (wannabe stones)*
bricks(1) - surrounding a pathway made of muscle (fibruous)
* You're not supposed 2(k)now that
(1) That's what u have 2 see
We can't "meet" cause of this road... But 'He' could easily "cross over" ~ Defying assignment in progress? Failed "present moment" -> NOT ALLOWED!
"We were supposed to have wheels".
Show all - 13/09/2020
When I started doing the video chat thing, back in 2008, I slowly built what I tried to define as, 'my own approach' to it. I find myself now, as my present sings 2020, in a tangle of information and thoughts, conflicting, contradicting, apparently still unresolved. I never had these issues. The interference is something else, outside of mySELF. Thinking back connecting dots (heck, connecting dots is NEVER enough, as the layers of lies unfold before my eyes... Ctrl+V is hell for some of us ;-) ~ ).
Short thing short, I would SHOW ALL, but not for ALL to see, because, it's not meant to be that way, no proof for default? Maybe... Trust. No, not possible. Well, you've been lied to. Me too. So? Bumping up on old debris certainly won't get us far even if it looks good on 'paper' (calculations). No, they haven't figured it all out, and we're not on the good way of achieving that now. Something built upon a WRONG foundation is and will ''always'' be WRONG, so let it crumble down, rinse, repeat (?) Ha ~ If nothing up till this point didn't make you realeyez how this shit is just a meat grinding hell machinery, what are you even doing here?
Want more details? No. Thanks!
no no no no - 14/09/2020
14.09. Bred to be used ~ dunnowhy I got this idea after I masturbted earlier ~ After thinking that: "I'm pissed ~ I can't EVEN THINK IN MY OWN HEAD ~" - Took myself for a spin earlier. A dismembered tail. Right after I orgasmed I felt a weird (in a good way) sensation at the top of my spine. WHat could that be? Felt that some other times too, but I still don't know what it is. [...] Me in my head...It's smth so... Personal. | Caught in a web of lies...
<<
The fact that IT IS an illusion; And "they" know...Yet choose as they do... Leaves me... Speechless...
Come watch the stars with me
THE TIME FOR OBSERVATION IS GONE.
