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I want to grow up I want to grow up I want to grow up. I really like the guy in this song the voice and the story he is evoking. But I cannot help but wonder... Is this the man of the future? I hope not. It would wrong. A world of lies. I look at myself and I see this body. I'm not allowed to see too far away from my own programming. And }you don't like this photo{ yet I am like this for a reason. I like myself, despite all my

}notifications{ imperfections.

I don't think I'm alive in order to prove others the ways to take to constantly better yourself like in the story with the coal and the diamond. I see their eyes - red - hiding behind darkness. I don't want them to see me. We are not alike.

The guy in this song sounds like a dream. I wish he was more like a guy I could touch. Not the specific one in this song, but the guy that I want to be with. To be similar to me in a way constitutionally, I mean how we are constructed. To be able to touch and put this flesh to good use. Otherwise why do I have flesh for? If it's just an illusion how can I see past it? I wish I had a partner in crime where crime means giggling every night underneath the blanket.

~ even if I had such a guy in my life.. like a long distance relationship or whatever, somebody to call my boyfriend, [good company] etc. I still wouldn't do things like I do them now. I would know exactly what to do.

That's why I keep whining about the toll this past year took on me. All this masturbation, the wrong things, the intruders... I don't know for who I'm doing it or why but it didn't help anyone, I feel this 100%.

Ishkira Wind WHAT? I have to masturbate AGAIN??? ¿? 👀😭

Latest orgasm video: https://youtu.be/Gr90HTnV5r8

Ishkira Wind So I really can't trust anybody in this life for real.

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}Everyday buses{ lol. Every day
}de4 asses{ passes in vain. Everything I do is in vain. Only evil is preferred. I'm not in competition with anyone I don't want to convince anyone of anything I just want to be myself I want to be free to be myself. I don't want to hide anymore I don't want to masturbate anymore I don't want to think about all those things anymore. No progress no progress no progress there is just too much pain. So much lack of truth and understandment.

The pain is too big and I can't express it in words. What happened only in this past year I can't find the right word for it but it's a crime against everything that I stand for. A mockery of everything that I consider as value. Stop twisting my words my intent is only one. I don't know what to do anymore it hurts too bad.

ishkirawind : It's not that I'm not understanding with you all, but I can smell the bs from afar. • ishkirawind : And this has gone too far. • ishkirawind : I'm just trying to have a good time, and wish for you the same. I doubt feeding egregores is how ANYONE can have a good time. ♥

My FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ishkira/

More 'stuff'' from my latelies :   https://photos.app.goo.gl/zdM7cwuAF2JVZZi28