Another wasted day

Another wasted day. I have nothing to do.

I'm very upset.

All I hear is excuses.

~

 Started packing ~ gonna move from this place.

Not sure what to think about this yet, I'm not in the mood honestly, but that doesn't matter.

:)

Haunted by thoughts about some people that I don't want to think about. Maybe I did (like & thought there's a purpose in) thinking about them in a specific manner, but I was UNAWARE of so many things back then, especially about, well, other people's plans. I find it highly intrusive and disturbing to think about some people when OTHERS want me to, regardless of purposes. It also makes me sad. If I wanted "more" wth that GUY, I would've said more than just a simple I miss you. He didn't talk either, bye from me :) I don't want him! I really do not want him. It was what it was. Grateful for some experiences, but that's it. When I feel as if some people (?) want me to want him more than I ever actually wanted him.... WTF. Delusional masses. Disgusting. Nobody seems to understand. Nobody that talks to me, anyway. :( Disgusted by the scenarios and 'studies' [aka: WASTE OF TIME & also SOUL degrading]. I hope there are no confusions as to who I speak about here. I have something special, and nobody should decide what I do with that, or how/who I ... Share that with. I share openly more than I'm comfortable with, and it's not about Ego Death either. That is more than just thinking I'm somebody I'm not, so The sleepers see nice images in my head running down, flowing as numbers I've never seen before, and what joy would've that been to my heart :)

.

Keywords is 1 thing, or deep faking certain celebs or whatnot when I masturbate. (I don't like it, but oh well, it's different that a simple no emotional implications; You didn't get My heart Right since you still don't get it why IT HURTS me so much to think about that Cortana when I masturbate. I don't like her. Not her personality, not even her looks. For fuck sake I don't understand how all this came to be ~ *sigh* TRIGGERS/settings. I can't put in words how wrong this is. You see, but you don't see all, and that which you don't see is important and that's what I want to focus on but I can't because of the... Visible things, aka.. Why you still want me to masturbate thinking about that girl's face/whatever. It hurts. I would appreciate to CUT thoughts about that specific Guy & that specific Gal from my head.

♥

No offense, I gave more than was EVER necessary on this Topic.

This hurts more on top of all the problems I have with dealing with 'reality', REALITY, meat suits, signals, what I hear, etc. AND OFC HOW COULD I LET OUT: The fact that I still have to masturbate/orgasm for no reason at all, thinking about a myriad of things that I don't like/wouldn't do with anyone. Because translations. If a real solution was desired (!) we would've seen SOME results by now. All we did was waste time. And squeeze poison {not real resources}.

My inspiration comes from somewhere else and in this sentence somewhere is a very weird word.. So tired of analyzing words and everything like this, takes out from the (possible) quality of living.

English language ~ I used to say to my Ex, or whoever that was... Oh, but... En is the Latin of our times.

_-_ 

🚌

\Take care/

~

Writings on the wall

Parking place view @ Lidl nearby, inspiring.

*wink*

Something for 2021.

Runes.

My adorable cat.

I really liked drinking you but I really want to know and it's not curiosity, what would you be/do if you weren't masturbating so I can experience you in that way :)

•

•

•

.
"Sing It Back"


When you are ready I will surrender take me and do as you wish
Have what you want your way's always the best way
I have succumbed to this passive sensation peacefully falling away
I am a zombie your wish will command me, laugh as I fall to my knees

Can I control this empty delusion lost in the fire below?
And you come running your eyes will be open
And when you come back I'll be as you want me, only so eager to please
My little song will keep you beside me thinking your name as I sing

Sing it back to me
Sing it back to me

Now you can't help it if you have been tempted by fruit hanging ripe on the tree
And I feel useless don't care what the truth is you will be here come the day
Truth do you hear me? Don't try to come near me. So tired, I sleep through the light
If you desire to lay here beside me come to my sweet melody

Sing it back to me

Bring it back, sing it back
Bring it back, sing it back to me
Bring it back, sing it back
Bring it back, sing it back to me

Sing it, sing it
Sing it back to me

Bring it back, sing it back
Bring it back, sing it back to me
Bring it back, sing it back
Bring it back, sing it back to me

"High Hopes"

Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young

In a world of magnets and miracles

Our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary

The ringing of the division bell had begun

Along the Long Road and on down the Causeway

Do they still meet there by the Cut

There was a ragged band that followed in our footsteps

Running before time took our dreams away

Leaving the myriad small creatures trying to tie us to the ground

To a life consumed by slow decay

The grass was greener

The light was brighter

With friends surrounded

The nights of wonder

Looking beyond the embers of bridges glowing behind us

To a glimpse of how green it was on the other side

Steps taken forwards but sleepwalking back again

Dragged by the force of some inner tide

At a higher altitude with flag unfurled

We reached the dizzy heights of that dreamed of world

Encumbered forever by desire and ambition

There's a hunger still unsatisfied

Our weary eyes still stray to the horizon

Though down this road we've been so many times

The grass was greener

The light was brighter

The taste was sweeter

The nights of wonder

With friends surrounded

The dawn mist glowing

The water flowing

The endless river

Forever and ever

B.D. Energy.

*almost 2 minutes to midnight* (?)
Posted March, 2020. One of my first takes at showing you how I do the samethingwiththesamething, whatevering & how I reach #ORGASM ~ Not much has changed since then. Hundreds of videos & media pieces through which I tried to reach... Who?
< >
Not for money, not for free, honey.
Nu e mare filozofie, nu e chiar nimic.
[Brainwash/Trauma NOT love~]
Nimic nu te va face sa te simti mai bine
♥


https://youtu.be/G08WF_oKRnA


Cum pot aprecia ce inseamna cu adevarat cateva secunde, cand eu nici macar 10 minute inr-o zi nu pot face ce vreau :)


Nimeni nu e fericit.
Nimeni.




Fericirea mea nu e tranzactionabila.
,

~

[Verse 1]
Kill for gain, or shoot to maim
But we don't need a reason
The golden goose is on the loose
And never out of season
Blackened pride still burns inside
This shell of bloody treason
Here's my gun for a barrel of fun
For the love of living death

[Pre-Chorus]
The killer's breed or the Demon's seed
The glamour, the fortune, the pain
Go to war again, blood is freedom's stain
Don't you pray for my soul anymore?

[Chorus]
2 minutes to midnight
The hands that threaten doom
2 minutes to midnight
To kill the unborn in the womb

[Verse 2]
The blind men shout "Let the creatures out
We'll show the unbelievers"
The napalm screams of human flames
Of a prime time Belsen feast ... yeah!
As the reasons for the carnage cut their meat and lick the gravy
We oil the jaws of the war machine and feed it with our babies

[Pre-Chorus]
The killer's breed or the Demon's seed
The glamour, the fortune, the pain
Go to war again, blood is freedom's stain
Don't you pray for my soul anymore?

[Chorus]
2 minutes to midnight
The hands that threaten doom
2 minutes to midnight
To kill the unborn in the womb

[Instrumental break/guitar solo]

[Verse 3]
The body bags and little rags of children torn in two
And the jellied brains of those who remain to put the finger right on you
As the madmen play on words and make us all dance to their song
To the tune of starving millions to make a better kind of gun

[Pre-Chorus]
The killer's breed or the Demon's seed
The glamour, the fortune, the pain
Go to war again, blood is freedom's stain
Don't you pray for my soul anymore?

[Chorus]
2 minutes to midnight
The hands that threaten doom
2 minutes to midnight
To kill the unborn in the womb

[Outro]
Midnight
Midnight
Midnight
It's all night
Midnight
Midnight
Midnight
It's all night

Untitled

 

*

As scrie niste ganduri mai pe larg dar tot ma fute la cap un Dubios sau mai multi, cum sa stiu, oricum.

Multumesc pentru consideratie.

Stima!

:

Cea mai ascutita

♥

Cine ma asculta?

*

Latest podcast: Citesc din Filozofia Hermetica

 *

I was playing a game today on my phone and I saw it had a feature to record footage, ok,

Fooled around for a bit, here is the result: Playing Deep Town

Making a list of all the games I have on my phone right now, not sure why, maybe to check it after a while and giggle. I like trying out new games with various art styles. I don't play them to 'kill time' or because I'm bored, something indescribable perhaps. I always had an interesting relationship with games and never really understood why. 

One of the things I'm grateful for this year, that is slowly approaching it's end (LOL), was how I felt I was interacting differently with some things in the games I play(ed), even if, that didn't really lead anywhere, it was something more than just enjoyment for me. Not sure why. If all this was just for...masturbation/keywords suggestions, then... *sigh*... Only strengthening what I kept on saying for the past... Umm... Well... PAST? :O 

♥

Iron Saga 

Cut the Rope

I Love Hue

I Love Hue Too

Final Fantasy Record Keeper

Merge Dragons!

A Girl Adrift

Bistro Heroes

MyMuseum

Terrarium

Om Nom: Merge

Starry Garden

Alphabear 2

Bushido Bear

Pou

Monster Chef

HaywireHospital

My Music Tower

Kawaii Kitchen

HappyHop

Monkey Roll

Sailor Cats

Symmetry 

Fluffy! Cute Character Lunchbox

Dessert Shop ROSE Bakery

animal restaurant

Mama Hawk

Deep Town

Sandship

~~~

 

Much love,

Laura.

pwwoi

 

*

*

If you don't stop, I'll kill you!

4 orgasms ~ Part I and Part II - 2 orgasms each ~ #GoddessAzra #whatevering:

https://youtu.be/HuLGWAXTQbg

~

https://youtu.be/h87Jf98E2OQ

I'm so tired of all.

Every day is a waste of everything.

What was life supposed to be?

*Nobody talks*

And if the one I want to see can't be seen with my eyes - why TF do I have eyes for? [Me] 

30.12.20 00.39

Had 4 orgasms made 20tkns. That's not the problem. The problem is the same as ever. A mountain of lies that looks like thrash. [in our heads]. No love. Borrowed flavors. But from who? I want to choose. I want to choose. What's happening now, on most if not all lvls. Is so wrong. No love. No comfort. My head is not room for whatever T&C has access to because X & S or whatever. That's not a choice. Will. Intent. Energy. So miscalculated. I want to die but death doesn't come for me. I have literally nothing to live 4. My life is a nightmare. Surrounded by Godless. 

I don't care that they give me pain. Choice? No. Nobody 2 love. Doing nothing all daylooking at my fish is a better life than all this shit. I want to "see them dead" = never again hear from ??? Liars.

Doing that to my mind (thoughts!) is not Anal play. FFS. It's our world. Not yours. Who made this possible? It's schemed. Stupid too. Zero. Not making anything. I've outgrown those who gave me no choice. Pls don't tell me that T so u have to continue to do this to me. Please. They T[ed] me too and at best, I was ashamed of myself. Never use that as excuse. I saw as 0. Nothing.

I know we need not wait 4 betterment. Zbang & Smth instant.

-wrong type of red as usual. Red=life not the nonsense I'm served [given without real choice].

I'm pissed because how we do things now is v unhealthy :P

*Nobody talks*

*Nobody talks*

*Nobody talks*

Daca traiesti pentru altii, n-o sa traiesti niciodata pentru tine {Sa stii cu adevarat insemnatatea acestor cuvinte}

Daca nu traiesti pentru tine ~ nu vei fi niciodata cu mine.

Abia apoi poti invata

Sa traiesti cu

Sa traiesti prin

Si alte chestii interesante

Mie, cel putin 

{Si daca ar fi sa te aleg, logic ca si tie}

.

Nu imi mai explica ce auzi, te rog

M

F 

M

FMM era o injuratura in liceu 

♥

Eu sunt eu

.