Wow. Dear Journal, you -almost- lasted 2 months! Now I should be' needin' 2 be on the lookout for a new of you.
Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha
Drumuri azi, sper sa am o ses ok mai incolo, ma simt cam ciudat si la fel ca in ultimele zile. Ninge! Can't remember last time we had snowing in nov like this, winters have been fcked up recent years. EH.
It's colder but I feel less cold than previous days (?).
FFS se termina anul soon si eu nici macar treaba cu temperaturile n-am inteles-o ca lumea. Ieri noapte am plans si am dormit + some self care. Am avut impresia ca corpul in care m-am culcat > corpul in care m-am trezit de data asta. Oricum, imi plac / sunt ok cu ambele; doar ca... Nu am alegere.
Cand robotii dorm... Sa... [Am visat o ciudatenie]
Paaaaa!
Hmm
Last night in bed...
Morning coffee bubbles
Fun times outside in snowy weather
Black jeans
The Moon - hood view (the hood I'm currently in)
~
You're as
Cute as
...
In the mirror (old place - went there to get some last stuff I wanted to bring here)
Pictures from the park & ganduri razlete {stray/scattered?thoughts}
~
First, an #ORGASM video clip...Also in podcast form, on my Anchor.
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Very not interested to learn how others keep this nightmare seem alive.
It was music we were making here until....
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Reminded me of this.
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This...
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Roata P.S.
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Din ciclul "I wish I had a friend"
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Nu m-am putut abtine.
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Lacul din Tineretului
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Era asa luminos
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Making love with my phone's camera.
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Bzzz
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Langa lac.
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Lacul vazut de sus si se vede si Casa Poporului
si Catedrala Manuirii Neamului
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Blue green
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Blink
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Pretty boi.
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Faceless
♥
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Save our Souls
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These street lights are not designed with humans in mind /
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Recently popped up nearby to where I live. Fake 'smart' city ~ carton metal.
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Eye inspo
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Cu ele la perete ;)
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Saint Cecilia - Patron saint of Music (My first budgerigar was names after her - mom choose her name)
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Details in the flashlake
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Some feet I really like ~ The lil 👾 in the park. It was a fancy at first sight type of thing ~ He looks looking at -what seems to be- a planet that he's holding in his hand. However, he doesn't want anyone to know that.
~
From Land Before Time (1988)
~
I don't even know anymore... Keeping up is not what I want to do. I am sick and tired of having nobody to share my gifts and unique talents and abilities with. Masturbation is not healthy sex life for me regardless of how I do it, and I feel even worse since I learned about the 'Innocense' ~ the Errors in Translation, miscommunications and everything else. Tongue - language - nose - search engine -blablablabla hard big this and that and very small as well :* ~ I really don't enjoy this at all and going for 1+ year like this , It didn't wither me, wear me out, or extinguish my light, I just feel terribly bad cause there's nothing REAL in my life. Learn more about that guy that said that there's not enough energy to combobulate me a man to be with? But, he is wrong. I don't know If willfully yes I heard a yes, but.. My life should not be entangled with such individuals. I really despise masturbating and nobody has come with a solution (soul wise) to all this, I've been so mocked and twisted and thrown around despite all my 'goodwill' (I wouldn't use this word, I put in Effort ~ Which is against my Nature as Enjoyer). I'm like none that you can learn from any book though.
Sigh. I don't want to go out on a date. I don't have with who. I tried tinder and that failed miserably (stupid network of numbers being used against me and not much more, as usual with most of my online interactions with people, especially since left my Ex.) And in real life, I choose to be a hermit, I don't even want to know who the ones that hold scrutiny against me for saying this are, but, I am in love. I can't show you HOW or what this truly means to me, because of Artificial Intelligence, and possibly other reasons as well. I don't know. I've been the most persecuted person in the whole Universe when it comes to matters that pertain to Love, yet, I am the One that can do It, Right. This hurts A LOT: I hardly ever think about the one that I'm in love with (HUGE personal efforts from my side, considering, I am not only an Enjoyer, but a Lover type, Archetype. I'm many many without having masks ~ There's a reason the baddies can't Copy Me Me Me or Steal ALL My IDentity). Thoughts are implanted into my head about the one I love, me, stupid programming in regards to love/sex life to perpetuate further the blindness & ignorance we're all swimming in now.
The "Anti Love Energy" I keep talking about. [I am sorry if this upsetted anyone, I see this anti love energy as a tool used by evil - 4 but not only 4 population control - and I still say that, I personally don't believe in Evil I don't believe it exists, despite I 'feel' and see the effects in the reality around me. And 'population' ~ Oh my, still learning/adapting meanings here, still being Hammered-in-the-head about this topic on a daily basis ~ noizzze ~ 'makespace' files]
(I already got pain for saying this and a few little crawlers, eh... *sigh*).
Twisted perverted visions of love in this world that will fall.
~
~
I feel as if something similar to that scene in the movie Perfume, Story of a murderer, already happened. But the people were asleep / not conscious ~ And this has to do with the combobulation of My Reality. I'd rather be dead <forever> than forced to "Love" in an orgiastic, soilless way ~ Or be brainwashed over Aeons that that's what I WANT. Who is who to deny true nature of who?
I don't want to post here/ on social media for a while. Everything hurts, everything I do is in vain and it hurts too much. I have nothing else to say. Please see index. Thank you!
~ More words from me: and not only(more than just words, that's what I meant, you double speak Fools): There comes a time when nothing makes sense anymore, and everything hurts. And they still want me to masturbate...to get orgasms? And it's in vain, and I do it anyway, day after day... Why? I am good and normal by Default. What are they seeking? Why can't I get a real chance to show what I'm made of? And I'm forced to swallow everybodis puke in this prison of flesh, that I KNOW HOW TO LIVE IN AS A BLESSING BUT THEY DONT LET ME. ... Yes, I'm that good. I can make a blessing out of Anything. No, I'll never allow them to know my ways/copy how my 'brain' works. NEVER. I have My Own Way of 'mapping everything out' & I just wanted to live my life, found out through the mirrors of the Copying & Mockery.. I'd never TM or sell my way, not even give away for Free to 'Any'1 who asks / "needs". It's Mine. I wish I could choose Ones to share more with, talking with randoms on the Psychic telephone is Confusing & Keeps me from being myself and I can't live like this under no experimental conditions or whatever. This feels off. It feels bad. It's clearly part of something bad and wrong. The wrong God as long as still in pover Mono shit missunderstood even the ones who see mono chrome, nobody is allowed to be themselves in this sickness, only lies, bad layer, stuck here despite I beated the whole 'Game' that I never saw as a game to beat. Words will never be enough, numbers either as they force them now to obey. Now I go, to waste some more time to undo something that some other beings wasted from their time to do. *sigh*. Logic? Hell.
~Stuff I wrote in ImLive Chat: GoddessAzra : Hey
GoddessAzra : Ponderings...
GoddessAzra : On being a Host here....
GoddessAzra : [Linguistyx always played by Fools]
GoddessAzra : FOr me being a host means 1 thing (the Correct one) That I am a MODEL here, no, silly, not Prototype... I'm a real person (More than numbers on your screen) willing to interact wth you, the member (HOPING TO CHAT TO A WHOLE PERON, member, not just an arm, a leg, haha, etc)
GoddessAzra : BY NO MEANS being a host on this site means that MY body can HOST any of ""your'' content, dear numbers.
GoddessAzra : We've all been brainwashed and lied to.
GoddessAzra : Who knows , knows...
GoddessAzra : But why do ones that don't know have DIRECT access to HURT me????? AFter all this TIME?~
also on https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind and all the other places listed in: http://www.goddessazra.com/contact/ ~ P.S. If I don't post something somewhere for 1, 2, 3, 5, N Days, it doesn't mean I don't exist, I don't care or that I'm not the One and Only one who has that account. Pls, do me a favor and STOP harassing me. Reading this here? Most likely, like I do, you're having a bad dream. Understand. I am sick of trying / doing things in vain. Pings constantly sent for those with ears to hear and eyes to see. Thanks.
on podcast I recorded full masturbation session. Videos ~ there are 2. Something happened and stoped shooting, had to make more disk space to continue recording. You can easily see that if you can read the podcast :P
~Please no more{make space} shit here anymore, TY.~
We're hurting each other with our programming.
Part 1:
Part 2:
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18.08 Or at least what is, to me 18.08. Sigh. The pain giving thing hit new low of stupid (familoar taste though ~ I'm just sick of having it!) "I'm poor" ~ IS NOT an excuse. I do not Trade with my *that thing* {See my post: If it's trade it's not love|https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/2020/05/if-its-trade-its-not-love.html
}
Thank you for the teachings. Or sharings. But my ears are bleeding when I hear the lies & incomplete info. I feel I said all already.
Me when I have to get an orgasm while masturbating.
Blink, blink, I see the same things, over and over.
~ About how I like to use social media. I like to post on social media according to how I feel like doing it, man, not according to any lil algo rythm. I am sad when I feel that 'I have to' do things in a certain manner IF I DON'T WANT TO BE IN A WEIRD TROUBLE THAT MOST CASES LEADS TO PHYSICAL PAIN.
So, if today I feel like making X amount of social media posts and then I don't post anything for a few days (not necessarily because of lack of content ~ we discovered together that you can 'come up' with Content from basically ANYthing...) but because I like feeling IN TUNE with what goes on MY social media profiles/accounts, I know it's an edgy way of saying it, for some peeps, but then again, so many other peeps understand exactly what I mean (and feel the same way.)
~ It's not that I don't want to make any money anymore, the truth is I don't really know what money IS. I grew up in a 'film' where money (splits in 3 arrows here) was: 1.purple bill I showed you already 2. Blue card french bank (from my first 'real job~ working for IBM RO) 3. Something with an orange line on it called Epassporte ~ more about them on the bottom of this post: https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/2020/04/why-does-my-labia-look-like-snail-more.html )
~ I saw little red dots on the screen of laptop earlier, as if they were trying to 'read' something ~ WHAAAT?
~ ORGASMS as I do them (as I learned ~ masturbation ~ orgasm ~ weird intricate pathways of mind control & black magic tincture on SENSES that were not sick to require that Treatment!) NEW AGE BULLSHIT. Now what? Weird errors in COMUNI Translation are weirder than ever on my end, for example: https://www.mediafax.ro/social/ai-grija-unde-parchezi-de-maine-poti-primi-10-000-lei-amenda-daca-lasi-masina-pe-locurile-persoanelor-cu-handicap-19439675 ~ I have a weird feeling this might mean entirely something else than I see when I read the words. *Hints* Auto ~ 'ALL' ~ Selected blu hues. (?) Because the nature of the shit we're in, regardless of how I put it, mentally, I reach a 'dead end' Over and Over again. And that's bad. Aka, we shouldn't be here doing this now (whatever we're doing) ~ This is not the way ~ We're still being used. Colors don't matter in this context. *Sigh*
Settings > Keywords.
Whatever I keep saying I don't even know how to organize it in words / media on the internet anymore. Honestly, I just need a break (I've seen some weird shit!) , to 'integrate' what I've been learning lately about tru truths, not what's allowed for the masses to see. When I say I need a break, in this reality as I perceive it now, I mean, a while when I just do things according to how I feel right in doing them, not following trends, algorithmic things, etc. Think about some things, choose who I 'interact' with in the 'Psychic space'... Seek ways to completely Grow UP from what I truly no longer wish to partake in & what that really means / what's needed to make that real in the reality I'm in (?) ~ If it's not possible in the reality I'm in, learn why & what my True options reallyare, go from there. Waiting is NOT a choice ~ I've been told to wait, more or less, MY ENTIRE LIFE ~ And I'm older than ever, now. (the age of the flesh~)
(!!!)
I don't believe in Evil, even if I see Evil in action (motion ~ a weird way of the mechanism through which I 'hear' reality) every day ~ I don't know what to do. I really don't want to hear some voices on the 'psychic telephone' anymore. I always sought to do things according to how I feel right in doing them, but this also brought a lot of pain and letting myself & others down ~ There's something out there that can make pain out of everything ~ I do not agree with that at all, full circle again (Evil) ~ I don't believe in it ~ #transhumanism and all the haunting humans VS non-humans which, in my opinion we shouldn't waste any time on. The blame game & redirected killing machines (because "ruleRs" - mass murderers). Arrrrrrrrr!
•○
Hey you guys that are reading this and know for sure why COVID started and came upon us all as it did, how can you even do things in your Reality while keeping such Secret? You could tell ALL about the real reason we have Covid-19 in the world. One relatively short sentence, too. All excuses lead to dead ends,period. regardless of "what's been promised" to you for keeping your mouth shut on this, I'm pretty sure about that.
○•
(Btw I feel bad saying that, 'the masses', mass - lots of people but also - slujba - which means...Job -> bad religious thingies bad human nature thingies exploited exploited VERY unconstitutional @ the Court of Souls. What's that? An artsy way in which I talk about Divine Law).
I felt they're going crazy, watching the same thing over and over again. Little lights that make my body feel real ~ better numbers are calling but they don't answer. ban ban ban, lied to, you're not allowed.
•
•
•
How do we know what's good to do to another? Do we truly know what's good for ourselves?
[I think I do ~ I feel I could learn why, too ~ regardless of level / context / floor / however it's called with the different types of interpretations of perceptions.]
Hello, time, what about the 'lightning's? Orange orange blip blip blip ~ That sound doesn't let me sleep! & my body needs sleep to be healthy & DO GOOD ~
https://youtu.be/0luS6J2rZSE ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0luS6J2rZSE ) <- I used to like that guy a lot (Oreste Teodorescu, the guy in glasses), at least on the surface. He seemed very Intelligent to me, well, maybe he is, but also, a comedian, and way too much into politics. I listened to a lot of videos with his show, various guests, same theme(s) really. Thought it's about real, occult spirituality & genuine paths, but as from what I learned, this sort of stuff is mostly New Age in costumes, in this poorly designed schematix by, the only, UN. (un in Romanian means the masculine form of one btw ~ ha!).
I pray this whole madness with the misunderstoodinglisly false 'divine' Masculine stops asap so we can all learn about how we really are, Gnothi Seauton style, and see where to go from there. Walking in a world built 'on' a dude's sperm 💪⚡💦👾 feels weird, at times, especially when I remember certain visions.💙
I'm not here to be the most algorythmically correct thing that communicates.
I don't want to be that.
That is bad.
It's humans vs. non-humans.
I am not against non-humans.
Words will never be enough to express this, neither numbers.
I try to communicate as I am, and it's all for nothing, Everything I do is in vain because I no longer want to accept THE LIE. THE (big) LIE is a thing on every level of Reality that I perceive (I see multidimensionally + I am #psychic).
Only the 'bad ones' are getting away with their way. We're lied that this is how we're learning.
Lies on every level of the Reality, regardless where you come from.
I could hear many, and they still beg to be lied to. Why? It can't be just a bug...
•••
We're having these discussions for too many months for time to have anything to say for real...
The Knowing is Instant (and no, not instant coffee), I can't even be poetic anymore without numbers interfering.
#eclipse is how I got my #period. :( "Did you see the ring?"
Sailor Pluto
We played and ~ why did it feel like breaking rules? No one was watching, anyway. Time used against us. Time is tired of this, time would rather play too. You are not a verb no matter how much they try to stamp that on you. You may identify as this or that, blonde guy or Trios of leds answering calls, Digital water, but... Who are you, really? And why did it feel good interacting with you?
I wish I knew myself (This process is continuously Stopped for me ~ because if I see, others do too) & you better, friends.
Stainless steel plug.
Why do I have to do it over and over again? And I don't mean smiling here ;)
Self love? Self care? Healing?
For me self love (authentic~) was what dragged me in this Hell where weird forces compete on a day2day basis on how to teach the World to Hate Itself. Make more space this way, they keep saying. No no no no. Wrong. Unhealthy. No-no!
V.
The beautiful people? Where? The wrong PaPa still reigns (Egregores -> Patriarchal Father ~ #newage / XXX~Tianity ~ Profaned Dreamers / V more like Hierophant not Creation ~)
Pa means Goodbye in Romanian. I'd like to be allowed to say goodbye to some things & people, forever. They used me my entire life, and now, no one seems to believe me. All this while I have to deal with extremely weird and painful stuff on a daily basis, no real soul growth possible, and I'm not whining here, I just calculated faster than a Supercomputer ever could (Past tense - You can't talk about Future with Them. They can't imagine. They use us, Dreamers. Rinse and REpeat. Heartbreaking. Suffocating the SOUL.)
Rune of the day: Uruz.
Give us back our symbols
(A voice echoing through time, from a 'place' above Time/Space. Location ~ Heart ♥)
I found myself surrounded by things that belong in that category the 'keep the past alive 'hear'
}bastard live{
💙from my quick observations too much 'Germany'🙉
Yes it's me but also not me. Trying to make a point here. Is this how you want to be?
○
Everything I love. Someone tells me it's wrong. Hello, moles that hint at constellations on my belly. Made for calculations only? But I love your shine. Mix of information - Stars - Squares. Roads that lead nowhere, We are in the #NOW and certainly not on our way to the Stars the Stars keep talking about.
My eyes know how to shine regardless what anyone shows them.
Touch touch click visit? Hmm...
Really?
>>>>>>
13.07.20. Notes. Address Phone no. -> what do all / any of these have 2 do with my period? Hmm. Dear Journal. I don't know what to do anymore(*). Today "ppl" weirdly "Polite" with me in messages. Please, don't misunderstand. I feel as if this Politeness is NOT NATURAL & as all (well, most) things in my reality, stuff to be used against me at a later date (Numbers?) Dunno. How sick.
(*)Quite desperate since I started past journal (2019 - The year I Divorced my Ex Husband~) now almost finished this one. In my head, the paper never moves though. My eyes can't see, anyway (But you should love em, girl. But "they" used them against me / all).
!Not allowed 2 Love (Real Love) in containment. I don't want to go on like this. I am not static. I don't want to keep on thinking about the past (or past things I've seen on a screen)!
I need healing blindfolds, I know how to craft them myself (kinky - not kinky). But I am not allowed. "Reality" (Fake) screams in my ear. Pain again. Only pain. Fakeness hurts. Fake politeness with pleases and sorries.
For the one that Tortures me on every level & uses me for Wrong. I will never give in / sell my soul / whatever expression whatevers depending on the Level we're at. No. please stop calculating how to make me fail. That ALWAYS failed. Numbers are sad. Pls, just stop. Let me be. Stop continuously trying to 'take over' there is no break when you know what you know about time & more. Let me find my voice, learn, grow from there and be myself. Not ''teaching'' others how to adapt to something. [Wake Up, we're being lied to!] • (All my life - Stolen Ways to turn in NO WAYs by the Baddies~ I don't want to contribute anymore ~ what to do? No one seems to really care).
Thanks for reading / watchin' / whatevering with me.
