STOP talking in my head!

Posted this on goddessazra.com on 17.09 ~

Here goes.

After last Orgasm, video here, I felt like screaming: Stop talking in my head.

~ "But that's how to get access to [...]"

- dar mai ales algoritmii de conducere, algoritmii adaptivi si elementele de inteligenta artificiala sint(sunt) susceptibile de perfectionari spectaculoase care sa ofere solutii de integrare intr-o masura si mai mare a robotului in mediul industrial sau al vietii sociale - Ceea ce este nou in lumea robotilor este tipul, marimea si acuratetea senzorilor, precum si "abilitatea" de a calcula (rezolva) ecuatii de miscare complexe, intr-un timp foarte scurt (timp real), pentru a determina exact semnalele operationale pentru robot. ~ din cartea Interferente in lumea calculatoarelor (M. Gorodcov, M. Oncescu) Stiinta pentru toti 313 Ed. Stiintifica si enciclopedica, Bucuresti 1989.

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Fascinated by this type of dream, hard to deal with reality constantly having to remind myself that IT IS, in fact, dream, nightmare, or spare parts. What I can't see, what I 'keep hidden' is more or less still the same, for reasons, even though I learned more about some pathways as of late ~ WHAT REALITY?! How (!) Do I do the (!) To WAKE UP?! I don't like to use codenames, I think it restricts and influences badly what could (&should) be good, authentic communication. < The struggle of not knowing what to do with certain Embeds ~ I hear ya ~ 'I give up' - Is that an Option? > No. ..

Previous articles/posts where I talk more extensively about some topics:

http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/09/aa/

http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/04/why-does-my-labia-look-like-a-snail-more-mysteriousness-es/

http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/05/im-stuck-in-a-weird-reality/

http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/05/if-its-trade-its-not-love/

http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/06/i-dont-want-to-charge-you-with-my-trauma-also-i-am-not-bi-polar-bear-hugs/

http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/06/this-is-not-how-you-make-a-girl-meet-her-doom/

http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/08/wrong/

and this one: http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/08/embed-2

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I'm wasting Time on nonsense while the reality around me goes on the same ~ What SEEMS different, I see that as flickers, or numbers moving from A place without a place, to another place without a place, In the Town where there was NO Space, But shit has to be done because UberCREATIONZ {another lie, IT'S JUST A FUCKING Dream, Dr.} ~ Did I enjoy my ignorant mind more (when I seemed more ignorant due to lack of operational input about the 'world around me') NO. I was (and still am, Parked (:P). The difference is that now my Body hurts a lot! [I hear: 'Can't afford' to show how nature works ~ health, self healing, rejuvenation, stuff like that ~ Click Clack there's no time, and I mean real nature, not Dirtied faked out church Mary EMpress worshipped misunderstood MOMMY situational sweetie ~ The 'SHE' that will Never be Me - artificial intelligence shit - Zero. ]] On a daily basis based on what I do/don't do ~ This is not me complaining, Just pointing out. ALWAYS worse when I 'need to' get my period. REGARDLESS of what I do. [ I am not willing to participate in any sort of NWO scenarios, my last 2 jobs proved me all I still needed to see about the Sickness of it all & How I wasn't wrong before either , for 'not really wanting a job', ever). I understand more & more from my past memories, but I see those things as, Optional information, considering I'm still stuck in this LIE that I DON'T want to FEED or SEE fed (anymore). Every time I get out of the house Something is milked, misplaced, mocking. Yes, I do still love a vast array of 'things' and yes I am very grateful for certain 'connections' & opportunities but, how I see the 'Situation' changing ( I wanted to say EVolving ~ but that would be feeding the Lie Wachine) it's weirder and weirder, and, wrong. No.

Journal thoughts:

16 September 2020: Woke up "with" pain, again. Same old discrepancies. Still not feeling good because of... Heck! I already told you about it. Tho, I still hold firmly. Adapting is a word that seems that it lost it's meaning in this mad cavalcade of pornication. I don't want to be "Here". Productivity -> Profanity. I don't want to "produce" anyth in this World [copy]. Ass? As soon as something "starts" making sense, again and again, we're not allowed to "Be"/interact in a good way (-).

17. I feel as if I'm in an airplane that doesn't fly properly (?). My (s)kin feels cold, am I dying? Why does every day lately feel like an infernal rush? "Burning hot" pain earlier - top of spine & below - between shoulderblades. The why's... The HOW seems silly, in this "context".

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 New stuff I posted since I posted last time 

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(I miss you b - Shhhhtt don't tell anyone! )

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http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/08/data/

http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/08/un-avertisment/

http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/08/honest-thought/

http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/08/add-title/

http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/08/wrong/

http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/08/lylylyly/

http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/09/necromancer-whois/

http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/09/i-would-like-to-know/

http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/09/image/

http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/09/podcast/

http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/09/iwishiwasdelusionalthatwouldmakemoresense/

http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/09/040904042573658/

♥

• Also, this thing: http://www.goddessazra.com/contact/ ~ a gathering of links •

~

Be well ♥

GoddessAzra.com launched

 

http://www.goddessazra.com/2020/08/goddesazra-com-launched/

•

http://www.goddessazra.com/

•

I will still keep this blog, but from now on I will most likely post my stuff over there.

Thankyou for following so far!

Camera 102

 #Orgasm, Masturbation & more...

In podcast form:

 

Dropouts:

on podcast I recorded full masturbation session. Videos ~ there are 2. Something happened and stoped shooting, had to make more disk space to continue recording. You can easily see that if you can read the podcast :P 

~Please no more{make space} shit here anymore, TY.~

We're hurting each other with our programming.

Part 1:

Part 2:

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18.08 Or at least what is, to me 18.08. Sigh. The pain giving thing hit new low of stupid (familoar taste though ~ I'm just sick of having it!) "I'm poor" ~ IS NOT an excuse. I do not Trade with my *that thing* {See my post: If it's trade it's not love|https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/2020/05/if-its-trade-its-not-love.html

}

Thank you for the teachings. Or sharings. But my ears are bleeding when I hear the lies & incomplete info. I feel I said all already.

♥

Every You Every Me

Sucker love is heaven sent

you pucker up our passion's spent

my hearts a tart your body's rent

my body's broken yours is spent

Carve your name into my arm

instead of stressed i lie here charmed

cuz there's nothing else to do

every me and every you

Sucker love a box i choose

no other box i choose to use

another love i would abuse

no circumstances could excuse

In the shape of things to come

too much poison come undone

cuz there's nothing else to do

every me and every you

every me and every you

every me... hee

Sucker love is known to swing

prone to cling and waste these things

pucker up for heavens sake

there's never been so much at stake

I serve my head up on a plate

it's only comfort, calling late

cuz there's nothing else to do

every me and every you

every me and every you

every me... hee

Every me and every you

every me... hee

Like the naked leads the blind

i know i'm selfish, i'm unkind

sucker love i always find

someone to bruise and leave behind

All alone in space and time

there's nothing here but what here's mine

something borrowed, something blue

every me and every you

every me and every you

every me... hee

Every me and every you

every me... hee

every me... hee

every me... hee

every me... hee

*sigh*

 Hello...

Journal entry:

Hmm. -Advanced search- ~ Triggers - Why? Proves just how stupid someone who had such an idea [to implement protocols] can be / is {is it still a choice at this point?} I heard a Yes but all I see is No.

Bit of honest thought - It hurts that some think (are lead to believe) that I'm not real; "Polymorphy" - not sure why I heard this word. In WoW, mages have Polymorph spell, to CC (Crowd Control) - In HS, Polymorph makes a minion a 1/1 card that can be easily taken down.

I' not sure I want to understand more on how sites like Pornhub come to be through examples of Polymorphism. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polymorphism_(computer_science) (numbers, periods, aaa) ~ It's like I first see the results and I Internally Process the results of the results and I reach dead end(s) and this makes me 'unwilling' to learn / see how the first results I was talking about came to be before My Eyes. 

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https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5b6q2JRlw29HaFd2aSvCEKhcVUGp593F - Playlist with orgasm videos, check this out starting with: https://youtu.be/G08WF_oKRnA ♥

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Wearing 'something' VS Hiding behind 'something' ~ ART gateways ~~~ Thought interpretatio ALWAYS leads astray. ( 0 to 1 shit ) ~  by design, bad design, bad romance, not me, not here.

[Every thing I do is in vain anyway, lately I feel worse. I don't know how where what anymore because It's not in real agreement with my real self anyway ~ The pain still comes time and time again and keeps me away from 'functioning' properly; How many months now of this shit? I need a real break, the more I feel that I need a break the worse everything gets, irrational, illogical, totally un_compassionate, makes no sense, turning us against eachother, excuses, bad programming, cues, *sigh* ...No offense but... Stupid ai has been given more 'rights' than I could ever dream of, and I am net superior, so, oink oink, bonk bonk, Zilla wanna be my friend? It'll be exciting but look at them making me older, they lied to you too, but we are only dreaming, and this makes everything even stoopider.] ~ I do not obey, unless it's a very skillfully made ROLEPLAY, And I get to choose who I 'do it' with. If that is not possible, routes -> deadends, on and on (again and again, the fake 'on' ~ Baby I'm ON all the time and look what happens because of that.). 

Every day ~ puke and insults. I waste time on activities and things that are just 'Eaters' while being unable to Give what/how I want to what/who I want. This is not life, this is not what I signed up for.

Do you have any Idea what I feel, and what I have to 'do' to myself, every time I hear that voice, and I have to start talking, say... "Hello!" Italic space, I hope you and me both can do something better with our beingness asap. I know they can't break us, I don't know why they still trying though. It's like stupidity that knows no bounds. 

So, do you want to be a sheep? 💋

blood or tears (2)

Siriously?

 

12.08. I was looking on the window earlier... Felt autumn is closer. I feel miserable (yes mainly because masturbating / orgasms) ~ stuff that doesn't allow me to deal with what I consider current mental problems in my life. I feel like @ a funeral. But who died? Is that blood or tears?

13.08. There are ppl "out there" getting paid [since I was born] to:

- make me feel bad }  inadequate | ugly 

- teach me wrong

*recycling sign with two arrows in black* The blame game. Can you tell the difference? .:No:. ~ I remember asking Astro Lady smth similar. Almost 10 years -> and you still don't know the diff? Tick - tick. I'm very sad cause of this. 💔

 

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