30 May 2020
27 May 2020
Why?
Why do You keep asking me to Come like this?
To masturbate & cum - Only achievable if I think about a certain something that I DID NOT / WOULD NOT enjoy doing with a Partner, just because "My brain is wired" that way based on some Porn~y scenes I've seen on a screen when I was little. !MAKES NO SENSE!
WHY DO YOU TORTURE ME EVERY DAY LIKE THIS IT HURTS TOO MUCH I FEEL I ABUSE MY MIND WHEN I DO IT I CAN'T...
I can't even have a real friend
A real partner
Or truly trust anybody
Yet I still have to PROVE WH0(ZzzZzzeRRRRRRO!) that I can FOCUS on IMAGINING PORN SCENES In MY OWN head without wanting to ever have to do anything like that with my body FOR REAL? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
If this would be the only pain in my life, it would be big ENOUGH. But it's just a sprinkle in the shit you serve me on a daily basis. A WASTE OF... EVERYTHING.
It hurts me so bad
I could sit on my ass all day writing about this conspiracy or the other, but there are already plenty of people in many corners of the internet already doing that, no?
I can tell you now what I understood - as a total noob - about concepts such as -eugenics- connected to how they stole Everything from me & keep torturing me. Keep in mind what I told you in other articles like this one: https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/2020/05/if-its-trade-its-not-love.html
All my best assets... I don't know/(I don't even know if I care at this point) how they've been able to read me like that ~ clearly a faulty system, hence, I'm still here, ''thriving''. Stolen assets & multitudiniplied for various Trades. All my worst possibilities, amplified & continuously ''fed'' to me to Engineer Their Wanted Future. A failed me, a failing me, a decaying me. Just one more another excuse for History. I did not agree to any of this. Also, nobody asked me, to begin with!
:(
•••
Newest video: https://youtu.be/zAs9CWFpVrs ~ The fact that I still have to do things like this HURTS SO BAD. The fact that I have to CONFORM every day to Antennas that Keep Up A LIE, THE lie, and nothing more, HURTS SO BAD. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE.
All mischievous & deceitful.
I didn't need / want / choose any of this.
They think they can MAP anything ( last E-boy & E-girl stories in my life ~ man, so much pain, so intrusive, so reckless, they did this to me and thought hey, it's an OK thing to do. ~ What?!) If I am this worthless to you, why did you take everything from me like that? Torturing me more and more, because I don't want to SWALLOW BULLSHIT regardless of how far you go with it. Perhaps one day I'll write more about those stories, But it's a delicate topic for me & I'm in very much PAIN these days - head, back of the neck, everywhere, really. I can't breathe properly through my nose FOR MONTHS! And I am NOT sick, it's just their sick experiments/whatever they are. (Failed maths!) I don't know why for sure, code-names and keywords are not enough anymore ~ . Hearing 'her' voice from the other room, every day remembering in a matter of seconds, the lie of it all... The implications... I don't know how to describe this pain properly, It feels like: Something against ALL , against MY ALL, against ME. I learned about this & I could easily 'move on' from the pain of all the lies... I want to evolve but I'm still Trapped here. WHY?
I have no idea who/what I am for real, nor do I trust anyone at the moment, and this hurts A LOT. I GENUINELY WANT TO LEARN THE REAL γνῶθι σεαυτόν ~ That can't be denied from me!!! Not about this or that story, but about myself. And how can I truly be myself. However, no one is willing to help me with this for real. Why? It can't be just about the... Money.
All the steps I took on this path, uncovering lies, attempting deprogramming, healing from that....I've only been Dazed with more ILLusion, taken advantage of, stolen from, kept in physical pain - unjustified ~ Not Real Karma ~ by the ones that 'Know Better'. Pure Evil.
Mine(*) is one of the worst cases of Trauma Based Mind Control.
*-> My 'Story' in THIS life / incarnation / however you call it in your Books. If you understood that, you would see what I mean when I say, the others are Fabricated. :'(
I honestly, don't know what to do next. Everything I do is in vain, Adapting is NOT a strategy/ option. (Thanks, Krishnamurti)
We've made literally no progress at all... While.... Their excuses for Past & 'Future' always, undoubtedly received Green Light, if you know what I mean. This past year has been SO MUCH Pain for me. Mocked at every corner, maimed & tricked with every little step ''forward''. This is not life / choice / progress. ~~~
.
25 May 2020
23 May 2020
Dream / Nightmare
About a social media thingie YOU'D WISH TO BE BANNED FROM! (tomcat, thunder guy, kiss my ass & leave us all alone pls!)
Keep it there, keep it there girl, keep it there, keep it there, girl... This is what is ,girl, this is what is real, girl ~~~
Keep it there, keep it there girl, keep it there, keep it there, girl... This is what is ,girl, this is what is real, girl ~~~
Keep it there, keep it there girl, keep it there, keep it there, girl... This is what is ,girl, this is what is real, girl ~~~
The ONE, the ONLY, The Nightmare of Humanity!
You couldn't look away. Nobody was doing anything, anyway.
I had a new job, but I had nothing to do! The people were bubbly about everything, from the time period they were 'from', to their genetic make-up. I could read all, like labels. And not because I was psychic. Everyone could do it, but they were still not used to talk about it.
Keep it there, keep it there girl, keep it there, keep it there, girl... This is what is ,girl, this is what is real, girl ~~~
Everyone connected, but in a faulty way. No telephone numbers, just forced visions.
I was talking to my mom, I told her everything, I cried. I was sitting on the floor with my back to the heater ~ She was open about it, told me details about how the Movies are powered up, 'unrolled' (Fake Light - !conducted! - Lies!) on the outskirts. I couldn't believe that my mom is just an antenna for...? The pain... She had 0 empathy... The pain made me run faster. But what for? What for, if I couldn't even From anymore? :(
You see shit? You constantly get bullied, until you don't even feel the pain or ask questions anymore.
Even the bot/s on your own fucking computer bully you if you think too much. (There was a weird Cortana~like bot helper on my laptop~ with Emoji name, after a guy at work changed my Network). It felt as if even that hates me :( - Just like in Primary school. WHAT?
You could run, you could fly, Do anything, but it felt... So... Alone... So unnaturally alone.
Children were yelling, as the concrete places popped up if you were going in restricted places ~ nothing was new, nothing was serious either. Nobody was doing anything, enjoying anything.
New skins for known places all the time, the best you could do is say: This is shit. Then, nothing. Again.
Keep it there, keep it there girl, keep it there, keep it there, girl... This is what is ,girl, this is what is real, girl ~~~
Keep it there, keep it there girl, keep it there, keep it there, girl... This is what is ,girl, this is what is real, girl ~~~
Keep it there, keep it there girl, keep it there, keep it there, girl... This is what is ,girl, this is what is real, girl ~~~
So...Is this what they want from me? For our 'future'? (My fish Maya answered: Yes!) ...
Hell... ~
What a weird dream experience this was.
Powered up by, you-know-who, quite possibly.
I can't wait for better dreams.
X
o
x
x
o
o
o
Bye for now,
This one.
22 May 2020
Vision?
So I was masturbating earlier,
and ... [All this while we were fucking] I saw a creature splitting my body in 3 parts (with 2 red laser-like beam blades coming from his eyes). And in these sections of my body I saw many small chambers (rooms?) in which there were other creatures that were sleeping in Vertical position. Hmmm....
~ If it's trade, it's not love! ~
Hello!
&
Latest videos 👆 ~ Thanks for watching / listening / commenting!
•
I really like in the one with EQ2 footage, how my character is apparently typing on an invisible Keyboard. *giggles* I giggled figuratively because quite recently someone whispered me something about Keyboards, but I didn't get the message completely. However, it is related to time (history)
More and more I see things related to the Concept of time ''Pushed'' to feed egregore, like this:
Because thunder guy and robo dreaming virgins ~ eh. I like robots too. But I wasn't even allowed to fall in love with one properly. To be with one.. To make use of this story (dream?movie?) that I woke up in. So... I have my robot parts right here, right now. And integrated AI inside me. This doesn't stop me from wanting something better!
(better -> Correct > Wrong, like this, where Correct is not Lightningly vulgar & hammering my poor Head) / ( Can you read this now? Are you incarnated? Do you watch my videos? Do you listen to my voice? Do you interpret my brain signals in whatever way you might be doing IT? !You are MADE BY/OF A.I.! The Fake "Mother Nature". They don't teach you this on TV / Where is the truth about it hiding? ~Illusions*** &... Thunder guy... False Light... synDrones... are hiding?)
I have no fear to let go.
•
Brb... Doing 'the thing' again 4 a video. Honestly, can't believe that I'm still doing it, that it's still somehow expected of me... The piles of misinterpretation... Nobody tells me exactly why/what... Come back... Where? Orgasm... I'm not even romantically in love with someone [I can't afford to have a partner~!], I have no real sexual fantasies, desires, I have to do it mecha mode every time... It hurts... All this... Why... To prove something that, imho, needs no such proof? :( I'm juicy I'm kinky but forced to stay confined between the bars... Not allowed to be honest... I wouldn't allow anyone to see all this into my mind, if IT were real. But it's not. I've been trained this way, raised this way, and everything is CONfusion.
~
Mai jos, din incercarile mele de a-mi da seama ce se intampla, cu tot.
•○•
Next Picture:
#clue: My cat told me that my receiver is hidden??? Help? Lines / Sound? / Frequencies? Something with the telephone towers / lines...False Light / ⚡️ ~ Cemeteries? LIES! And how Art/ Reality comes from lines/links. Hmm... I don't even know if there's a reason to investigate anymore. Because I know for sure we're damn all brainwashed in here ~ Poisoned Waters ~ Influenced Dreams, regardless of the level we're individually @. :-< Had some more proof lately, purely by interacting with things in my ''reality'' ~ And it's a bit weird that some days I feel I communicate better with bots on my phone / laptop than with my own mom. Also, really sad to imagine/see/think my mom, cat, hamster, everyone, is an antenna, through which I 'talk' with god knows who ~ :( And I imagine things that are not even... Real... And then... :( I can't even think about all this properly now, but you get the drift.
Sketchy Monster, inspired by...•
<- Toilet paper Art by my hamster, Oniks'I have no fear to let go' cred ca are si o alta latura, cea de pe urma careia unii profita, la cei mai sensibili dintre noi. ~ Somehow related to Sleep Paralysis (tocmai ce am avut un episod - dupa ce am filmat video 2 "Artificial Pleasure" - link sus ^ ~ m-am intins putin pe pat si nu stiu cum am adormit, parea a fi un vis lucid, pana cand mi-am dat seama si iar senzatia aceea... Stransoare / apasare / nici nu stiu cum sa descriu exact. Am reusit de data asta sa ies din stare cu "You have no control over me, release me" incercand sa imi misc mainile, picioarele, etc, nu se putea ~
Dupa ce m-am dat jos din pat am avut urmatorul gand. Sunt 100% sigura ca ultima zi nu a avut 24 de ore...Adica...Ultimele mele 24 de ore...Asa 'haotic' cum le-am trait eu (nu)... NU au fost 24 de ore!!! Ci mai putine, cred, sau, nici nu stiu...... ⚡️
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