No title

 

01/15/2021

 *

Vazut in incinta fostei mele scoli - looks like a guy 2 me, lol.

Weird looking dude with a huge hat with many eyes.

.

.

.

dream fragments

 

:*

Beautiful

"How soon will I be able to trust again?"

How soon is now(?)

I trust now.

Everybody wants my love & nobody really wants my love, at the same time, is not the paradox that History was built for.

*deep sigh*

Corner

2 Leaves

L.

♥

Pretty

.

.

.

Dream fragments:

Ar fi trebuit sa fie o priza (punct de alimentare) pentru un radio mic. (?) dar erau 2 lampi/becuri invers, prinse aproape de tavan. Aratau ca niste cupe/pahare ciudate. O tanti mi-a spus ca nu sunt suficient de inalta ca sa ajung acolo, dar am vazul locul ala de mai multe ori si puteam sa ajung acolo fara probleme...

O certam pe o fata din trecutul meu, credeam la un moment dat ca suntem prietene. Ea si 'Madre'... Dupa atatia ani, tot nu esti vindecata... Grup de tipi mi-au zis, aaa, sa o cunoastem si noi - Nu stiu cine e, in mod cert, nu e cineva cu care (mai) vreau sa interactionez. < Toata viata am fost inconjurata de astfel de paraziti, atent selectati pentru fiecare domeniu, eterna scuza, minciuna,_> M-au mintit prin tine, ca sa vizes frumos, sa mai aiba ce 'manca'... Dar asta nu e mancare adevarata, pentru ca eu nu am fost concepuuta asa (?). Am mai vorbit despre asta, este o neintelegere F MARE la mijloc, mai mare decat toate penisurile la care ma gandesc eu cand ma masturbez. Nu ai cum sa faci asa ceva unor oameni, sa ii tii adormiti in minciuna, nu, asta nu e cultivare, nici scoala. 

Un tip simpatic (teste ciudate in ceea ce priveste ce simteamcredeam fata de el) s-a apropiat de mine cu burta/pelvisul, si pentru un moment, am vrut sa pun capul acolo, sa ma 'odihnesc'. Nu am mai atins corp de tip de atata amar de vreme, si parea atat de real, ce ocazie buna. Amenintator de aproape :) Dar am simtit ceva si instant eram cu el in alta camera (un hol), amandoi in picioare. Eram trista pentru ce simtisem si i-am spus ceva de genul: Tu nu simteai nimic cand eu simteam toate chestiile alea. Tu simteai doar ce simteam eu, si prin asta te hraneai. Dar nu era nimic autentic (mecanism intrinsec de hranire prin simtire ~ cum ar fi trebui sa fie, ca sa nu vampirizeze ...???) ~ Asta m-a facut f trista si, desi as fi putut sa continui, chiar imi placea tipul, stiind ce am vazut, nu am putut. M-am saturat de nimic.

[...]

"Practricam o alchimie pe dos - atingem aurul si-l transformam in plumb; atingem versurile pure ale experientei si acestea se transforma in echivalentele verbale ale aiurelii si ale bazaconiei.

-Nu cumva esti nejustificat de optimist in ceea ce priveste experienta? l-am intrebat eu. E intotdeauna chiar atat de aurie si poetica?

-E in mod intrinsec aurie, starui Rivers. E poetica prin natura ei esentiala. Fireste, insa, ca daca esti varat pana-n gat in aiurelile si bazaconiile pe care ti le servesc formulatorii opiniei publice, vei avea automat tendinta sa-ti corupi inca de la sursa impresiile personale; vei recrea lumea cu imaginile propriilor tale notiuni." 

Aldous Huxley

targetedlady

Not blaming anyone (t).

But.

MAYBE, Maybe, shills should stay out of areas of expertise where they are not GOOD for.

I am consistent, for a very long time, in various things, with results RERERERERERERERERE that don't prove anything, because this is not how Life works like.

At this point, I'm not sure it's healthy to care what you heard about me. 

The more layers I browse through, the more of the TRAUMA I've been subjected to I understand. I can't even have a fucking 'day off' to HEAL, because nobody has the balls to speak the truth for all 'COmmunity' to see ~ We wouldn't be like this, now. Stop pretending.  Nu e despre bani. 

Nu vreau sa mai aud nimic...Vreau o pauza... Nimeni nu vorbeste... Totul e impotriva mea... Tot ce spun/selecteaza astia e ce nu am/ce nu am facut in |-| respectiva. I don't get a job because I'm too good & they can't power up places for me (NOT my fault! - Nu exista oferta reala). Also, all jobs are FAKE. You are lied to, si NIMENI NU FACE NIMIC ORICUM.

Deci ce facem?

Nimic.

Am asteptat destul TIMP. Am investit destule resurse. Nu exista explicatie pertinenta sau scuza. Nu am alegere, altii au. Nu vreau sa aleaga altii despre/pentru mine, in special daca i-am refuzat deja politicos, in repetate randuri. 

Much love,

Me.

💖

 

Hard to understand

Hard t understand.

Random interaction.

n 

Pasted text in blue.

KEYWORDYNICKNAME static rumbling....

KEYWORDYNICKNAME something is coming 

KEYWORDYNICKNAME wow, breathing too

KEYWORDYNICKNAME one step from ASMR

KEYWORDYNICKNAME chair moving

KEYWORDYNICKNAME incoming...?

KEYWORDYNICKNAME "wtf" moment

KEYWORDYNICKNAME this is actually like.... working with a sonar at a boat

KEYWORDYNICKNAME listening carefully for hints

KEYWORDYNICKNAME disturbances

Nightbot •Lurking? •Stalking? •Just chatting? Why not follow? Go on... It only costs one click, and I need all the support I can get rn. Much appreciated. Hail!

KEYWORDYNICKNAME @Nightbot well, I expect for a little more before following. But always considering, appreciated

Nightbot Click before it's gone!!! Wait... Here. https://linktr.ee/ishkirawind > There. TY 

KEYWORDYNICKNAME more social networks accounts than possible character nuances

KEYWORDYNICKNAME was that a bird?

KEYWORDYNICKNAME yes!

KEYWORDYNICKNAME ohhh

KEYWORDYNICKNAME nice

KEYWORDYNICKNAME finally something kind and merry

KEYWORDYNICKNAME sobbing?

KEYWORDYNICKNAME mmm

KEYWORDYNICKNAME I like the birdie

KEYWORDYNICKNAME yes, hello

KEYWORDYNICKNAME I'm here with birdie

ishkira <3 

KEYWORDYNICKNAME I don't get anything going on here

ishkira @KEYWORDYNICKNAME  Don't worry, everything will be ok 

KEYWORDYNICKNAME jajajaja

KEYWORDYNICKNAME it was fun, even on my own

KEYWORDYNICKNAME I suspect "somethings"

KEYWORDYNICKNAME but....it was fun making the stream mine in a way

ishkira @KEYWORDYNICKNAME  stfu 

My bird's name is Casio, and he wasn't talking about him. Again, T is not an excuse. 

-------------------------------------

I don't know what all that text meant, I suspect hijacking of my stream/ 'whatevering' & orgasm. I don't know how, I don't even know if I'm interestedto learn about that now. But honestly, being limited to this sort of interactions, weirdness everywhere, is.... nowordsforit. You're not even getting your humiliation food out of this. 

Take care,

💋

Detalii

-Podcast-

 

thought

*

Legs and feet

Looking @...

De ieri.

Writing here mainly cause if I don't write I 'get' pain is very wrong. Sometimes, honestly, I feel like 'brewing up' a blog article for a while before posting it. However, if I don't post daily (or almost daily) here, I GET PAIN. and most if not all MY good thoughts & intentions (for concocting & posting blog articles(!)) are WASTED. [Also, I get similar shit in other areas of my life too, he-he-he].

This is not normal or right & proves no point about me & or Evolveness when it comes to mind and consciousness. Really. I don't care you don't believe me.

Take care and if you have more comments on this topic please let me know.

Do... because....if not.....