3 Apr 2021

Bitter smile

Not afraid, not disgusted, however, disgusted feels more appropriate as a word...
To listen to a song I like
because very fast and irrational
erratic
I get the message "Love Me" not through the song or my first intent
Hurts and at times it's quite bothersome.. Disrespectful to self and (who knows who) others that hey I don't know you I don't want to insult you... To love you... "Lie to me"..
If you're sick don't try to make me appear so just so... Oh, wait, you don't know...

*sigh*


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LYRICS 
Stood still on a highway
I saw a woman
By the side of the road
With a face that I knew like my own
Reflected in my window
Well she walked up to my quarterlight
And she bent down real slow
A fearful pressure paralysed me in my shadow
She said 'son what are you doing here
My fear for you has turned me in my grave'
I said 'mama I come to the valley of the rich
Myself to sell'
She said 'son this is the road to hell
On  your journey cross the wilderness
From the desert to the well
You have strayed upon the motorway to hell

Well I'm standing by a river
But the water doesn't flow
It boils with every poison you can think of
And I'm underneath the streetlights
But the light of joy I know
Scared beyond belief, way down in the shadows

And the perverted fear of violence
Chokes a smile on every face
And common sense is ringing out the bells

This ain't no technological breakdown
Oh no, this is the road to Hell

And all the roads jam up with credit
And there's nothing you can do
It's all just bits of paper
Flying away from you
Oh, look out world, take a good look
What comes down here
You must learn this lesson fast
And learn it well

This ain't no upwardly mobile freeway
Oh no, this is the road
Said this is the road
This is the road to hell

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And it's not all smoke and roses.













:)

Multumesc pentru flori!



~ discovered this today - Yay!


Handle with care.




Joaca de-a texturile ^^

Prima poza pe care am facut-o dupa ce am fost la vaccin. Apoi cineva mi-a sugerat ca nu vad bine culorile, si asta m-a intristat... WTF.

[...]

Nu ai cum sa astepti atingerea mainii mele daca nu am voie sa stiu cum arata ce vad... 





29 Mar 2021

27 Mar 2021

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Measurements: 95 - 69 - 99

65 kg

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Today's card: 4 of Swords



Today's rune: Sowilo (Sun)



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Beatles -

Because




Aaaaaaah-aaah
Because the world is round
It turns me on
Because the world is round

Aaaaaaah-aaah
Because the wind is high
It blows my mind

Because the wind is high

Aaaaaaah-ah

Love is old, love is new
Love is all, love is you

Because the sky is blue
It makes me cry
Because the sky is blue
Aah-a-a-a-ah-aah-a-ah-a-a-aah
Aah-a-a-a-a-a-ah-ah-ah-ah-aah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-a-a-aah
Aah-a-a-a-ah-aaaaah

26 Mar 2021

kkt

An orgasm https://youtu.be/Creibovg1xg premiere 15:00 EET (1pm GMT), tomorrow, 27 March 2021 (3/27/2021) 
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24 Mar 2021

Some pics

 I remembered about this today:


Made me giggle not really knowing what the fuck threw it in my way.



Fondness and gratefulness about many things.



Some pics:












 

21 Mar 2021

:)

Podcast: https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/Citesc-iar-din---Interferente-in-lumea-calculatoarelor---continuare-et5o09


Da, fiecare zi pentru mine e in continuare un cosmar si nu am nimic bun de facut. Sa cotizezi pentru o iluzie sau alta (impletire de ~ cu minciuni) nu e ceva bun si acest tip de gand e f condamnabiL de catre cei care sunt programati prin scrisul altora sa FACA lucrurile BINE. Acei altii insa, identitatea lor reala, absent cu desavarsire.

Vreau sa scriu din ce in ce mai rar aici.

Nu conteaza de ce. Considerand ca nici macar nu am vrut sa am acest blog si ne aflam cateva zeci (mai mult de 200 in aproximativ un an) de articole mai departe... Sincer acum, e penibil, sa astepte oricine de la mine sa public aici cu regularitate sau sa fac orice doar ca sa apara ceva fara nici un sens scop real dorinta autentica, etc. Nu, nu scriu din dorinta autentica. Da, consider irelevant. Nu ma intereseaza opiniile celor care nu conteaza (pentru mine, nu inseamna ca nu contezi daca nu cotizezi, ci daca nu ma intereseaza persoana ta. Imi esti inferior si totusi viata mea depinde de tine - M-am saturat de cacatul asta). 

Azi o sa scriu diverse chestii random din jurmalele mele



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I'll never love you. I'll never show you how. You raped every corner of my mind which was meant to be treated like smth precious to grow & bloom & shine & all attributes u stolen from me & scattered them in lies 2 make money.


I don't have the freedom to try to learn to see this it's been too long under different light. Same shits pester me, no real help for what it could be like. 


Am avut ganduri ciudate inainte sa adorm, gen: ...Te-as lasa pana si sa te caci pe fata mea. Ar merita =) [Te-as lasa sa imi faci orice pret de 10 minute ca apoi, 10 minute sa imi explici ce inseamna pentru tine 10 minute - haha timp de, pret de.]


I got time... Aaaand fools trained 2 misuse what they got (not time), beautiful machines -> purely mental no fake woman involved. [...] I swear I'd make an effort 2 keep up if I would've seen 1 tiny sign of REAL somethingthatdoesntlead2adeadend.


Stiu. Zolology = death.


I won't "work" today. I'm a lab rat 24/7 (365) which means _ ALL the time. Not 1/3 of time/day (the normal 8h work schedule for humans as I've been taught) Stop interpreting me. 


Exploring nothingness...(lines & shapes above are imaginary)

Dream machine
Mind of mine
Waves of mirage
Waves of air
Gliding through
Sparkling seeds of light.



Yes, it was traumatic, this and that, but a part of me wasn't affected even as all trauma happened.



I DO NOT wish to participate in this masquerade any further... I have no choice... With every breath... I feel... You use me. Against my will... To keep the broken mechanism going... I DO NOT CONSENT.



Ma simt ciudat ~ tot felul de idei. Dar parca nimic nu are rost. Romanescul IDEI rimeaza doar cu Englezescul DELAY (?) Nu cu viata sau cel putin ce cred eu ca inseamna sa traiesti.