Nimic.

I masturbate, talk & have 2 orgasms:

 In continuare, nu am nici un prieten si toti invizibilii cu care vb de se fac vizibii in moduri stranii incomplete si nu pot medita asupra completitudinii lor pentru ca

cineva

nu stiu cine

alege sa 

minta

in continuare

.

Nimeni nu face nimic.

Nimeni nu e fericit.

Nimeni nu isi da drumul in nici o gaura ca apoi sa se bucure de feelingul reliefului si sa isi imagineze fantezii traindu-le (apoi? =)) ) in REAL TIME.

<3

Nimicuri.

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N-o sa ma fut niciodata cu nimeni in vazul tuturor. Sa mai spun cat de gresite sunt...Ce sunt?? Tentatii tentative tendinte CE? ALE unora? LOL

Nu. E altceva ce nu poate fi organizat corespunzator in cuvinte, aici, pe blog.

Poze:

♥

I've been eating people again.

Pretty. What?! What does THIS have to do with orgasms?

Pretty art on a tree ~ could pass as nothing but I'm desperate, right?

Sardonyx eye ♥

Data trecuta aveai gust de ananas.

 Lasand insultele la o parte, nu era o insulta. Incerc sa imi dau seama de ce conteaza toate kkturile pe lumea in care traiesc, si nu, nu ma iau de cei ce alcatuiesc imaginea din imagine cand spun asta. Ceva, ceva, a dus acolo. Si nu un BETA (Pentru ca nu exista Alfa autentic, nu are cum sa existe nici BETA) ~ *sigh*

https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/search?q=alpha

Iubitoare.

M-am saturat sa tot fug.

Nu am de ce (de cine)

Nu am unde.

Nu am... Nimic.

Tot ce am e imprumutat si poate ca e altceva ce nu vad eu oricum :)

----SAD: Am inceput sa primesc sugestii sa ma sinucid, de preferabil aruncandu-ma de la fereastra. Nu trag pe nimeni la raspundere spunand asta, apropo. Nici eu nu stiu cine mi-a propus asa ceva, dar tot aud la "psychic telephone". Ori sa ma sinucid, ori sa asasinez pe cineva ca sa merg la inchisoare (dubiosenii in combobulatie, demistificarea iluziei? Parerea mea: Nu) ~ Am intrebat: daca vrei sa 'mor', de ce nu ma 'iei' in somn? Apoi, am auzit... Pentru ca aia nu ar fi o alegere. Si am spus, pai nici daca ma sinucid la 'sfat' nu e o alegere. O alegere ar fi fost, gen, acum cativa ani, cand tot ii spuneam cuiva ca vreau sa ma sinucid, nu neaparat din teribilism, nici ca sa atrag atentia, nici ca sa ii testez reactiile. O combinatie a tuturor partilor bune. Si atunci da, am ales, nu m-am sinucis... Nu cred ca prin sinucidere ajung Acasa.

Citez din jurnal: "I'm not scared/fearful But smth isn't right abt this... Taking my own life = bad, not? HOW? I do not belong to the religion I was baptized <into> (HEARD STORIES FFS!) - No? Family? I decided long time ago...Becut...Be cut...(me)...:(. Thank you for...whatever..At times I feel some "help"."

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Thanks for reading / whatever.

Poze intr-o zi de cosmar

Pain worse than other days, despite I did way more than I wanted,planned to,etc. I don't know what to do anymore. They (Who? I don't know...Numbers is everything around me right so? :P bla bla bla bla) just push for the trigger and this is not a game or power play it's stupid/bad and hurts physically. M-a insultat iar 'maicamea' ~ Cine?? Cu mucenicul. Mai sunt cateva zile pana cand SE CELEBREAZA ZIUA MUCENICILOR (sau 'vin mucenicii' ~ futemas in el de limbaj scris!!!) si asta e primul an cand 'in avans' e atat de devreme si nu inteleg de ce.  Nu sunt parcata. Nu mai suport. Durere si minciuni si cacat. NU VREAU SA FIU IMPREGNATA DE STRAINI. Cum sa fac un copil cu cineva pe care nici macar nu-l cunosc? E prea mult timp decand s-a aratat clar ce mi-au facut si nu doar la nivel de Laura, all. Nu mi-am dat acordul sa continui si toate traducerile de care e nevoie exista deja. Nu stiu cine e 'cel rau' pe care eu il refuz nu e vina mea sau problema mea sau ceva ce nu fac eu, nu sunt de acord, asta nu e o vina. Nu am avut nici o pauza si sunt insultata la toate capitolele. Daca nu imi place de tine, de ce nu ma lasi in pace? Stiu sa ma curat singura dupa si daca aud iar scuza cu T, ca nu esti lasat sa ma lasi in pace, sau sa fi bun, WHAT??? Codependenta pulii sa fiu de acord cu tine si sa cred ca te pot ajuta. Din cauza ta nu pot iubi si da eu stiu s-o fac pe bune si doar pt ca nu vreau sa ti-o dau tie ma tii aici. Nu vreau sa mai vand heartbreak elixir sau alte chestii rele azi iar m-am lovit si am facut aproape toate actiunile pe care le-am facut pentru altii pe care nici macar nu ii recunosc decat la nivel energetic dar ce fac eu la nivel energetic e null pentru ca nu sunt lasata si mint si incearca si falsifica (chestia cu timpul ,orele, zilele) Si oricum astea sunt doar cuvinte si toate cuvintele sunt rele nu? Ma doare mult prea tare, asta nu e o lamentare. Nu mai suport sa fiu tratata ca un caine. (Pavlov mechanism ~ just to use more). 

Din categoria, Evil can only copy dar nu ai pe cine sa arati cu degetul ca-i baga in fatza pe cei fara alegere (Nu mi-am dat acordul!) ~ https://www.mediafax.ro/social/filmul-tragediei-de-la-onesti-agresorul-a-sunat-la-11-47-la-16-55-s-a-produs-un-declic-atunci-cand-unul-dintre-ostatici-l-a-lovit-pe-agresor-19940498 ~ 

♥

Nu (mai) sunt de acord, nu mai vreau sa particip in 'clue'ul Coca Cola (vs Pepsi sau nu nu ma intereseaza, multumesc dar daca stiam ce e oricum nu as fi fost de acord si inca nu stiu.)

Nu cred ca Twitch guy a fost o varianta imbunatatita de David. Am primit sugestia ca, dupa format. Nu vreau sa cred nimic (la modul subiectiv) doar ca nu pare a fi ce s-a intamplat de fapt. Imi e greu sa inteleg raspunsurile la unele intrebari pe care le am din cauza ??? din cauza asta nici nu pot intreba, rezulta parca nu pot avea o relatie sanatoasa cu propria-mi intuitie. Nu cred ca David = [Twitch guy minus AI] Si nu imi plac povestile zolologice sau sa aud despre parinti cu care parca nu am vorbit niciodata :) 

Twitch guy nu ma mai intereseaza, iar cu David am vorbit prea putin ca sa ??? Si nu inteleg de ce altii ii spotesc numele in capul meu UUuuuuuuuuuu mai alesz ca numele nu au decat relevanta simbolica la un anumit nivel nu? Cunoastere pervertita si iar aud scuza cu parcatul, cu care cei cu cunoasterea nu sunt de acord. Same shit. Nu mi se ofera nici un plan adevarat doar trag de mine si ma folosesc ca sa mai faca nimicul zilelor si sa le vad zambetele false care niciodata nu vor insemna nimic pentru ca nimeni nu se bucura oricum ce sunt amintirile alea daca nu le are nimeni. 

Calendarul din palma!

Random: Nu vreau sa am o relatie serioasa cu Twitch guy sau versiunealuiviitoare. Nici una neserioasa. De nici un fel. Nu inteleg ce se inatmpla. Unii imi zic, esti indragostita de el ~ Nu, nu sunt. Am crezut ca sunt? Stiam ce stiu acum? Ce simteam era directionat cum ca n-a putut fi captat pentru ~ vimana (don't get lost here either pls hurts thx I do not agree to be used for these 'studies' ~ I want a life, all I hear is No( de parca cand am zis ca I Want a life am zis exact CE vreau, executatnti, Know Thyself, help me do it nu pe cine cere sau plateste).. Nu va pot convinge ~ E gresit sa faci asta asa, m-ati sufocat toata viata, ca sa ne dam toti drumul in cor apoi. WAKE UP! Eu nu sunt ca ei, nu vreau sa fiu cu ei! Cand merg cu autobuzul nu e David cel cu care comunic si avem ganduri sexy impreuna - Nu stiu cine E !!!!! Daca as sti probabil nu as vrea sa am intimitate cu si de-asta nu imi spun, pentru ca ei trebuie sa sape sa sape sa gaseasca ??? Science vs Alchemy. :-< Doare mult prea rau, nu sunt de acord, daca o fac nu e bine, suficient, daca nu o fac, e si mai rau. Nu pot sa accept asa ceva, nu e barbatul meu interior, nu am probleme cu ala (animus)!!! Si barbatul meu interior nu e nici alpha nici uber si nu e de acord cu G de cand si-a dat seama ca nu e ce a vazut.  NU VREAU SEX IN GRUP! Nici cu straini, nici cu cunoscuti. We are all ONE, inseamna ALTCEVA, nu ce se intampla in constienta asta. 

R Guy. Fa ceva sau taci definitiv din capul meu, nu te mai suport, te vad doar ca pe ceva din mecanismul Pleasure Pain si e gresit (lipsa de respect~),

 Nu sunt de acord cu chestia asta. Roleplay e roleplay, sclavia pe fatza e altceva). Unii cred ca viata mea reala e un roleplay. Nu e vina mea ce s-a intamplat ~ Continuously being framed for endless useless...Days.  Fiecare zi e un chin si o insulta de la low level la potential la TOT.  Fiecare zi in care mi se cere / sugereaza sa ma masturbez, si tot restul chestiilor la care sunt supusa si ma doare. 

Nu sunt povestile mele, nu eu le-am ales, mi-au fost bagate pe gat in forma in care am interactionat cu ~ Nu e datoria mea sa fac curatenie aici, si nici nu pot, de aici intensificarea cosmarului.  

Nothing else.

Latest podcast: https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/Citesc-din-Epopeea-lui-Ghilgames-enrstp

Din jurnal: Pain and humiliation. Nothing else. I just want to wake up from this nightmare. Nobody is genuine... html? Intentions... Get lost in the fog... All of them... Can't believe my life is as is now, I hear excuses for everything, NOTHING is done, and I can't even have ONE! 

f

n

m

e

l

i

f

m

m

f

~

Thank you for reporting but I don't know how to interpret it. I am Whole, in a different way than made up of all the things I receive hints about.

Sometimes I freak out because I feel as if you keep assuming wrong things about ME.

My feet :)

A view that put a smile on my face

Soft skin 

Experimenting with ....

~

Please, once and for EVER. Understand. 'Tipping' me in the form or *that thing* IS NOT GOOD/Right/ correct. Only leads to 0. Nothing. 

~

The more time passes the worse the lies get. I DON'T want to participate! Spirit guides would NEVER imply that I am Parked because I AM NOT A CAR. You're damn stupid if after months you still choose 2 pester me with this empty shit. I AM NOT A CAR. Body as I have is not car 4 soul to make time travel. Only Zero I hear from u & ppl like u, it hurts me; I have nothing else in my life {For real SOUL growth}.

Someone chose this for me!!!

I can't do anything, really.

Only waste time.

It's not all a show. It's shit.

[...]

U always gone in a timely manner, before another jerk showed up & isolated the room/screen so signal can't be heard/seen.

0 chances; 0 choices.

.

I adapt to any situation.

But what has been served to me lately is not worthy of that word.

L.

Sometimes I freak out because I feel as if you keep assuming wrong things about ME. Thank you for reporting but I don't know how to interpret it. I am

  Whole, in a different way than made up of all the things I receive hints about.

♥

New video:

 

https://youtu.be/iGe2qNQE6rM

Pee, shit, crystal, earbuds, quickie, whatever.

Got the suggestions in weird ways, as if my eyes were automaticly focusing on certain keywords around me, t e or what?

But...

For who am I doing this?

I was asking for help {Writing in my journal, thinking about angels not money}

'Sponsor'

What are you Sponsoring me with?

How do you know that is what I seek/asked for?

Regardless.

I felt something more too

As if you care.

But that's impossible.

How would I know?

Because of how I see the world around me with these eyes.

Only the lies persist.

Who orgasms where?

Mmmmmmmh!

I am not happy.

But you don't seem to be willing to understand my sadness either.

Boring.

Well, It's your own misery as well.

How will we ever heal?

I am totally not into group sex.

I am not poly {polyamorous}.

This doesn't mean I dislike poly ppl. 

WHAT ARE PEOPLE, AGAIN?

*deep pain*

Same shit on repeat.

I can't take this shit anymore.

Sponsor, I have nothing to have a life with, you are probably wasting ur resources, just as I waste my Time doing Anything I DO.

Please, fix ur shit.

No, not u.

~ We're still talking through words ~

Hahahahaha

Long game?

Only losers.

I don't want to talk to losers anymore.

There's no Beta btw, zbang.

Nu, nu ma simt pedepsita. 

Nu nu inca, ci deloc! 

E doar stupid! 

Si inseamna chestii de care eu habar nu am pe deasupra. Hi u smalldick, ur not a beta to me. 

No alpha to be found just jerks. 

(I looked Everywhere! Sorry cute buns.) ~ Noalpha, no beta. No alphabetaaay!

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Ma mut

Weird days 4 me, multiple reasons. I'm in the process of moving out, I will be staying in Sector 2 again (yay?), so content will be sparse for a few days, thank you for understanding, as if there is even such thing, ha. I didn't even wanna make this post but hey! (???) 

~

From my notes: 11.11.20 ~ Writing from 'the new place' which is oddly old and filled with keywordsy things that... Let's say I don't like. 

Line? What about all of them?Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Ln 451 Col 70.

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A few pics:

linii...

more upset than I look like.

o bisericuta care imi place.

kitchen window view

different feel.

Dead End is TREND ~ All thx to...Me.

(Nu, nu fac aluzii, decat ce trebuie, intelegeti voi. Am primit aeste flyere in zona Universitate, azi).

Full of ♥

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~

Did I mention that I really don't like masturbating? I've been bothered a lot these days about it on the 'psychic telephone' ~ Dezacorduri, draga, nu sunt de acord, si nu e vina nimanui (blablablaaaa aaaaa sissstemului) ca racordajele sunt facute asa prost. 

Nu, nu imi place sa ma masturbez,

Nu, nu progresam, ba din contra.

Nu, nu, nu.

~

Daca vedeam solutie as fi vorbit despre asta, dar INCA masculii din CEU MEU se cred ratati. Ca asa li se da in cap ... Am mai zis o data, No Alpha, No Beta(s) [And No AlphaBetaaayyy - misused Language-s n components]. All Alphas I sniffed ( I reached the top cause I'm who I am) are FAKE AF.  So... Ce sa mai spun? 

.

Chit ca o fac, chit ca nu,  nu se intmpla nimic deci, DE CE sa o fac??? Nici macar nu imi face placere, si daca mi-ar face placere, stiind cati retardati penibili "vad" In Capul Meu, M-AS ABTINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  E un proces selectiv, draga.

Pa.

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Car nightmare and other words

17.10.2020. 5.33 a.m.

Every time it rains

You're here in my heart ~

New Moon in Libra with Merc. Retrograde. Yes. Mercenary Retrograde. Oh, how I love some of your stories. But... Not even being allowed to touch? _____________________________

I was prompted with: Thank you for using Adobe Flash Player. If FP was a (even if artificial) "mind" , he would not need or want to thank me. We would just <touch> ~ Do things together. He seeing through my eyes. Being passive or saying something, @ his will, IN ACCORDANCE to my will ofc [I - the user]. So what does his family truly want and why so much unnecessary Screen Time?  Time / space being Fake... There's no real danger "out there", FPleaser.

18.10.20 - somewhere in the pm - 

Had the weirdest nightmare last night ~ A nightmare within the a nightmare. I was following a person (?) who said that they'll attend a play but I ran and got there before him, only to find [Ghosttown] no play -space- ~ An empty stage, no crowd. From the backstage, which seemed like a church altar[hint-The Now], a person looking like Valeriu Sterian appeared ~ he felt like an empty shell. I told him I liked his music a lot when I was younger - he laughed like a dead man. I told him - Your music always had 1 obvious message 2 me: "Freedom"* Doamne, vino doamne, sa vezi ce-a mai ramas din oameni ~  , and I gave him a commander salute with my left hand and I left. (Apparently military salute with left hand is a bit disrespectful, considering my right hand was perfectly usable; But Hey! I knew why without knowing why apparently). * Nothing to do with '89, RO, stuff, but how I ♥eard the music. As I was rushing {I felt BIG danger?} to my car; parked there; 2 "hot" chicks were parked there. I told them I know I forgot my car door open {This was smth punishable by Law in the dream} and I showed them: the keys were in the lock - my purse left @ the back of the car... Told them it was an emergency (?) blabla. The scary noise was getting closer and closer. They said nothing. I got in the car and it morphed - My bed {bedroom} was the inside of the car, with a little window top left as I layed down. The noise was pounding my ears. I was scared, scared to be found "with no cover on"... I woke up as from a sleep paralysis experience, the noise was also here, but dimmed; from construction site nearby. Similar sound patterns, but different feel. Weird dream. No coincidences. Felt very lonely, and misunderstood.

I was always right - they were wrong. All my life ----- planned to be abused by others; through others. 

Reach - nothing AweThentic technic allowed to really reach me. Always missunderstandments & milking. Tales of love lost to the wind. I am deep undersea; Treasure lays burried; I wish I could rejoyce in what I hid there really means. I'm very sad; I'm also very happy - and apparently that sucks ♥ 

19.10

I didn't masturbate for ~ 3 days. However, this doesn't feel like a break because of all the prompts & feels down there. My inner female is tired to think about all these men and or parts she wouldn't do anything sexy with if she had the chance. My inner male is tired to think about all these women and or parts he wouldn't do anyth with if he had the chance.  What about my _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ & related? Most important juices even for the hunters who still dare not admit so. I am profoundly sad; nothing in this retched pile of lies can match that.

20.10

Too much pain. Nose. Wet. Sniffing the lies, one after the other, in sequences that seem to repeat with nothing else in between. Nothing left to... I didn't learn anyth new, all this time, since I've been telling you, how we have no real choice. I don't know what to "do", 4 Every(any) Doing seems to support somehow somebody that I don't. Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, no choice / no soulution. After all this _ :(

On dating: I'd rather go outside and literally clean a car with my tongue* than "go out" with smth that looks "like me" but it's just a human flesh suit looking car.💔* Nothing sexy or pleasurable about this; Today & recently -> Everything hostile or in disguise.

21.10

No progress - Lies, lis, lies, lies. Why do it (masturbate-orgasm) I despise it; has nothing 2do with real love (atm); Regardless if I do it or not, nothing changes; they ask me to do it again. I begged in all my voices - please tell them; I do not enjoy this. There are lies; especially abt. love & sex; me masturbating and getting orgasms doesnt lead anywhere good. What this does + What they do ( choose ) interferes with my "little choices" & me getting / having / working towards "having" a life. Ppl have been sending the correct signals for ages. Why waste (deliberately harm) ourselves like this? It hurts me so bad! I do not want to hurt myself! I have no choice ( 0 = Zero) - I'm stuck here ~ Somebody else's LIE, not mine! I never had a choice; A real one. They speak more lies through all the means; Pls STOP asking me to masturbate / orgasm; I NEED TO HEAL, NOT continue like this; I was always right but 2 what avail (?)

Pisica, burlan, dale ochioase si dungi rosii lipite pe jos in curtea Bisericii.

Purtand masca necorespunzator noilor norme de circulatie pietonala. 

La data publicarii acestui articol, in Bucuresti trebuie sa porti masca nu numai in incinte, ci si in spatiile deschise - adica, peste tot daca iesi din casa. (...) Nu, nu ma simt pedepsita. Nu nu inca, ci deloc! E doar stupid! Si inseamna chestii de care eu habar nu am pe deasupra. Hi u smalldick, ur not a beta to me. No alpha to be found just jerks. (I looked Everywhere! Sorry cute buns.) ~ Noalpha, no beta. No alphabetaaay!

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Holding blue calcite ~ .gif made using photomosh.com ♥