Stuff.

https://youtu.be/nz6B8IBrK0A

Framboise.

Is it really a video? But...It's my life! How can I learn & really grow past my programming? Circuits-trends? (Someone suggested singular, circuit as valid here, hmm, thanks.)

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         •----< 

As soon as I DO something 

[applies to having thoughts as well ~ Quantumically 

}Aquatically{  annoying], 

a Taskbar somewhere in the world HAS to DO something Else. (Riddl~ish way to say, not mot-a-mot as I heard it, it's painful and yes humiliating too.)

⋆Dream fragments. Brainwash everywhere. Painful. 

*Tall, well built, dark skin/hair & lots of it. Kept trying to seduce me as he drove me home(?) . He was acting so sure I'm gonna be "his", lol. I knew in a way I was dreaming. Told him (he asked, I think) I didn't fuck in ~ 1 year. He said he didn't do it in ~ 3 months, but acted as if his 3 months were much longer time period than my 1 year. WTF? I wasn't going to fuck him anyway. But "Mom" who wasn't mom at all / demonic / & I had an "interference" & that resulted in sleep paralysis yet again. Different type of sleep paralysis, because until I woke up this time, I didn't realize I'm having a sleep paralysis experience. "Mom" emitted signal as if she wanted to seduce the guy & mate with him right there; even if I wasn't sexually interested in him, this energy still bothered me for unknown reasons ~ guess it has to do with my natural aversion to Evil. Old apartment from S2. Horrorish visuals, but weird demonic energy. I told that thing ("Mom") that: I see/feel all (nu imi scapa nimic) & I had an imperative attitude, smth that I really can't put in words cause there are none matching the energy I had. That thing became uglier and uglier. Stained skin. Deformed body. 

All this after I "caught" the guy that he's a wizard/warlock (No~).

Naughty. A long (over 1 meter) white strand of hair was grown from his left eye (???)

05. What is this noise? [Efort] (?)

I'm still but it tires me. "They come" to power it up ~ Illusion. What's REALLY happening? Nothing that matters. this =matter= lies. :( So what are we being used for, again?  Food? They eat - we poop - cum vine asta? I can't be myself in these circumstantial tangles. Bad news, boys: Our current Mother Nature is not even a She - It's a He! Aaaaa. I could look deeper, but it hurts too much to see layers of the lie.

07.07.20 

"Grounded"

& the multiple meanings.

• impamantenit / impamantat

• well balanced (Zummm)

• Prohibited from flying

• Pedepsit ~ Punished (locked in a room)

Used against us.

Blue triangle.

Red square (black outline)

I'm not allowed to see. In/vers.

Illusion / Scales. 

Girl figure [statue? .:Yes:.] is taller than most buildings but the little diode-looking thingy on the 2D street is  about 1cm.

What about the stitching?

Or WiFi sign? Not sure.

Weird dreams we're having!

"Money"

~

lies.

Glass Diodes - Contact 

! I've had a vision of myself(or part of me) like one of those things but without anything visible at the ends ~ untethered.  

08.07. * All they do to me/us is force us keep egregores alive / feed them. Selling us fake "shit" about our very selves that we "buy" with our  9 12 3 6 Time  T T T T T. Honestly, I don't think my pencil(s) ever got upset on me for not writing with them for x amount of time, like... Ever... So why the sequencial BS? Back to *

I don't want to continue for one more day like this... In this. Every "action" hurts sooner / later, no real karma. 

~

I can't... More YEARS like this? No! Every sound hurts. I don't want to be here. We're not helping eachother... (nothing to do with me)... Only "progressing" towards opposite of what we really seek. Masturbate again? Come again? Lie again? Lose another day? I want to shutdown ALL my senses. Not be here / heard. Everyth I did all this life has been in vain. Only used for / by evil, to trick deceive use others. Every time I agree with a connection: That's her voice. She's That person. We have had That past together -> feeds the lie. 

I can't bear to hear / see the signals with the keywords anymore.

No love here, we're only being USED. And if you can't see? Your problem - your lesson - WHy do I & others have to suffer so much because of this? My reality is continuously made up by blind Fools.

I'm supposed to make new memories not continuously regurgitate the old ones. 

Thanks for following 

♥

Bye!

Bitter Moon - the Silence

Ziduri mari de cabluri lungi si fibre de carbon

Noi ne-am inaltat si-ncet ne sufocam

Daca mai respiri acum te-nchidem in neon

Nu avem de gand sa te mai suportam

Dati-ne un sfant, un om

Un lider de carton

Si il νom urma oricand fara refuz

Ritmul rece sacadat

Din vocea fara ton

Cheama lacom inca un abuz

Pana cand, pana cand..

Auzim zgomotul vietii masinilor

Cu care ne-acoperim

Tacerea

Auzim zgomotul vietii masinilor

Cu care ne-acoperim

Tacerea

Nu avem trecut nici viitor ci doar prezent

Suntem toti copiii marelui virtual

Fiecare e-un ocean de vise de ciment

Dar n-am fost nicicand mai mult decat un val

Pana cand, pana cand..

Pana cand

Auzim zgomotul vietii masinilor

Cu care ne-acoperim

Tacerea

Auzim zgomotul vietii masinilor

Cu care ne-acoperim

Tacerea

Zgomotul vietii masinilor

Cu care ne-acoperim

Tacerea

Auzim zgomotul vietii masinilor

Cu care ne-acoperim

Tacerea

Tacerea…

♥

https://luna-amara.bandcamp.com/

Flash ... it's just an image

Hello!

Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWI9xLE6_Sc

Podcast: https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/the-social-aspect-of-the-self-part-1-egckt4

Me & others, forced to imagine against our true will.

What day? ...6 (circled) .

Doesn't matter anyway.

4 Years I haven't wirtten a full page, yet almost 2 full journals now (rect-tangled) . Degeaba. EVerything (underlined) I do is in vain. A Lie / Feeds the lie & nothing more ( talking in Lienguage).

Too much pain. No progress. Only blindness /  humiliation. The blind programmed 2 kill. Not smart, not smart at all. I really don't want to go on. 

 Some of my WoW characters.

 Started playing World of Warcraft in 2009. Servers I played on: Hellfire, Mazrigos, Executus, Argent Dawn. Most of my chars are on Mazri atm.

 ♥

♥ 

 I remember (something happened ~ summer 2018).

 

•••

 ...My ass! ;)

 Feet as clock Tongues.

 I like Belfs but not my fav race. 

 Interesting things

 Ishki & Leaping Hatchling ~

 Abomination - still remember their old looks & my 1st Naxx run. (lol)

 The little girl's name is Uuna.

Uuna's Storyline - A Dark Place

○

 Undeads 4 Life.

https://www.thesaurus.com/browse/pet

https://www.thesaurus.com/browse/domestic?s=t

From all the things that I could tell you but I didn't, you heard my thoughts we always seem to forget more or less according to our will but others use us indefinitely. I don't know what to do or what my real audience is I want to be a hermit, really, I have many things to  leave behind and I am not allowed I am forced to live in the past as if I abandon certain people if I move on. My memories...Kept alive...By people...But those people have so deeply ingrained within themselves that they will somehow Die if I ''move on''. But they could be so much more than the Orgasm they felt 4 being, just like me :(

I felt their concern so many times and also interrupted communication when it gets too 'obvious' that we can communicate outside of norms but ...Like I said...abt the gvmt/police ... It's a waste of good suffering (Hellraiser movie) ~ If you can hear the signal that makes that so real within you, you can't even hear your own thoughts...But you hear mine... You are programmed to tick tick tick me away... Because you tick tick tick away ... And you can't see past that, by design, in a way... 

SEPULTURA - Phantom Self (OFFICIAL VIDEO)

What happened to me?

Felt like I had everything

Such a big catastrophe, but I had to deal with the struggle

It all began passing life so easily

Ready for almost anything, but it took a different direction

Then, one night, sharp turns

A light came from nowhere

Blown away

Never felt my injuries

Bleeding deep inside of me

Just knew I had to help all those people

Lost

My mind

It's gone

That life

Lost

I've been looking for myself

It haunts me everyday

I'm searching for a truth no longer there

Transformed I'm someone else

Must face my phantom self

Transformed I'm someone else

Must face my phantom self

It's a mystery

Changed my body's chemistry

Always creeping up on me

Wiped out my whole soul of existence

The crash

Flashbacks

Carnage

The blood keeps on flowing

Killing me

Trapped inside this tragedy

Can't see the road in front of me

Replay this nightmare over and over

Lost

I've been looking for myself

It haunts me everyday

I'm searching for a truth no longer there

Transformed I'm someone else

Must face my phantom self

Transformed I'm someone else

I'll face my phantom self

Lost

I've been looking for myself

It haunts me everyday

I'm searching for a truth no longer there

Transformed I'm someone else

Must face my phantom self

Transformed I'm someone else

I'll face my phantom self

•

Good luck! ♥

I already faced my ' Phantom self ', found out I have no real choice afterwards (and during, / or before).

Put it this way: }On the shelf to be left behind.{ My Phantom self - All they ever wanted me to be/do [Insert_trauma_based_mind_control_output_here], that I didn't come close to, as close as <I needed to>, but they still wrote the story as if I did. Makes no sense? I agree. Makes no sense to me 2. 

Why do you think that I'm so upset? :( (All possible answers may contain Truths but are severely Incomplete due to LinguistEEx 

~ ) ~ 0 ~ ( ~

P.S.: Greetings, Taskbar, you dear fella have been quite talkative Lately, thanks for following/ however this sort of interaction is called in your Understandment. :*

Riddle ?

 

(What's happening?)

I split the day in two and give you three to chew.

This is how I've been perceiving 'Time' recently. Feels very Off. Deceitful measurings. Insert video here?

I try to understand but it hurts. 

~~~

So yday when I was online on imlive dot com,

a guy had an interesting but peculiar request

he wanted me to force a tight ring on my finger and then to take it off. 

Was this his genuine desire to see me doing that }no{ 

or did somebody make him ask me that so then they can say that hey, look, this girl does this for money, she accepts to #force something (...) for money so then they can justify #forcing #others to do other things. I hope this makes sense.

I know it sounds weird and silly but I am concerned and also a bit paranoid. 🖐️I don't even know how to communicate with people anymore. On that website of course I want to make my guests experience as interesting as I can, but before I even realise it's like I'm drowning in a sea of keywords that can be misinterpreted, each and every one of them. 🧐👀

~

Guest client member la la la person - I always imagined they are humans like me.

•

But they were not.

Apps open on a Taskbar? I don't know how to process this information. I am human and I really think I've been designed and I got born for something else.

Untitled

Humiliation, humiliation, humiliation. None is honest seeker, except those that don't really talk. It hurts a lot, please don't misunderstand this. I feel as if Honest Seekers are not allowed to see me/reach me/ talk to me. 

~

28. Jun - A friend told me that getting my period is somehow similar to getting an e-mail. - OMG? Sigh.

29. Someone told me everything is (more or less) all white. White page (hence all the weirdness when I go in town / when I go outside). Screen lightng up. La ce ma ajuta sa stiu asta? (ajutat not as in 'help' though, but using this info in my reality ~ Hmm)

30. Random notes. Thx 4 the incense whiff.

- My phone thinks ~ that fucking (for him) means death. Yes, I feel my phone is a he (Dunno why tho)

- More weird/sketchy job stuff 2day. Bit scared, but not fearful. Scared that whatever I do in regards to these, it will be "bad".

- Schedule. A tine in viata -> What?! (cluez ~ lightning, space)

- Azi parca (iar) timpul trece altfel.

- Vreau si eu un job normal. Higher self: But you never had one *wink*.

- Blue led light reflected on silvery metal (?)

- Balls. Pls, pls. Can I live without feeding egregores? Inner warrior said: NO. He's a friend (so&so) - I am inhabited~ - 

Who am I !? 4 myself. Even my budgerigar kmows I can't be myself like this.

• Oh well •

First day of July 2020 adventures: https://photos.app.goo.gl/1UXzwKiaaM1kVHuH6

02.07. Strangeness everywhere. My city...doesn't make sense anymore. Memories from moments in time from which I have nothing left to learn are being "reanimated", I don't know how / why for sure, but it's as if to be used against me (& all, in a way). Twisting meaning according to how Evil ppl want. No escape, apparently, but it's not escape I'm seeking. No logic too, and this is...Absurd. I meant 'Legal' Logic - appearances of which are kept through this MECHANISM (We're all forced to be a part of) -  only possible through twisting of words. (Linguistix - talked about this before ~). :(

Evolution? Truth? Still not preferred. Dominion? But I don't believe in the ones who "claim" such power. They're against nature, not only against me,, but against ALL. 

Time / my perceptions of various things( oh, the measurable ones) -> Used, twisted, held against me / what's good. Solution? SOUL~ution. 

Is it really a video? But...It's my life! How can I learn & (I mean and, the fact that some hear this as end is very confusing to me) really grow past my programming? Circuits - trends? 

Nobody told me my memories are People / are pinging People. Building Realities this way is very Sick, especially considering what I was made to witness & go through in this lifetime (I'm not whining, just thinking of the Sickness I saw and why some folks keep pinging to some of  my bad memories).  I want to heal from past wounds, not partake in this messy business where Death > Life. 

Some weirdness happening in Rift as well, as if, at times, some friends were trying to teach me some things, 

about their perceptions of reality, what they have to go through, also giving me certain Keywords. I didn't mind, but at times it can be weird. Rubbing my eyes to make sure I don't just imagine things on my own :) I appreciate it, but then, other times, the complete opposite happened. *Bugs* Beep beep ~ Evil take-over MY game ;) 

I play RIFT since 2011, an Irish guy I talked with on CamContacts introduced me to this game as I liked trying different MMORPGs. I liked it, seemed trusty, different and interesting enough, until it became more grindy, but hey, I kept on playing Rift over the years, enjoying the story line and most of the things the game has to offer. Never seen it as more than a video game on my PC though, so these past gaming sessions have been weird! 

etc. I have some more, but taking it out of the lore context / game mechanix is weird in itself. However, luckily, some of you know exactly what I mean :)

♥

Catch ya later!

Writing in vain.

A friend told me that for him, walking means something like browsing a timeline (for example on a social media website).

Please, leave me be. I don't want to obey any algorithms, I can befriend them, but in not current circumstances (100% IMPOSSIBLE.) Because of the: "No free will mechanism".

 (*)

Pls, stop hurting, bothering me until this is fixed. I'm in pain. Too much pain. I can't help you. People (?) are using us. Hurting us. I tried everything, calculated all options. My life ''depends'' on things (NOT humans! Not sure what they are) that can't do the right thing because of (*). I've been telling this all my life one way or another. If smth big, a real change is coming in October (?) or so, leave me be until then. Stop expecting anything from me.I want to be alone until real change is possible. 

I am a human being, not automaton, not car. I am not allowed to see / heal from what really happened. I said all. I don't want to do things according to algorithms. This is not how life is meant to be lived. We're drowning in lies. Please, leave me alone. We may talk, but stop expecting / demanding / suggesting things for me to do / how to do them.-> No matter what I do, it's in vain, used against me (us). Tell the others too.

Stop living in the past (gives you Zap Zap Zap - No choice)

I don't believe in Evil. How is it possible that it appears to be so real?  (*) is evil. But it's biiiiig egregore - nightmare. Not real. My reality is shaped by ppl that can't choose. I never agreed.

All my life. Used. Lied to (for other's lies). Deceived. No real friend (human - like me). Please, leave me be until "Big change". No narrative! Nici aia, nici ailalta..etc.. Narrative? => WRONG, din Start (Linguistix)

:(

•

♥?

Blog Quickie

https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/Podcastul-de-azi-efnsc8

21 june ~ Happy SOLSTICE

- a guy ''flirted'' with me by making me ''stop'' hearing the ticking of my watch for a few seconds ~ FUN?

-also, codename for orgasm -> Germany LOL

• Ponderings ~ The speed of my voice (leaving aside thought - voice speed ;) )

• Delay...Delay...Delay...Why? [Someone hints: thundapowah ~ thx]

 Something [Setings - messed up] ~ Perception of my OWN voice?! How?! [1] Hmm.

During  me -> in a way

During ''as it appears'' -> different way.

• Also observed (?) while shooting videos with my phone. [Someone whispered: Latin] 

1 <Time Perception> as I'm filming, slower, in a way than actual footage (when I watch it). 

How Weird!

~~~