Mov

1010. [5.44pm] Afara... Totul pe dos... Pe fata! Ha! /\/\/\ Mov (?) S-a ratacit o pana frumoasa de gasca de Tineretului. Of. Am luat 3 carti azi, !Colegul si prietenul meu! - Suspicious NWO book;  Ultimatum - Ultimele zile ale unui razboi atomic; Computere si Trandafiri - sau paradoxurile progresului • =))♥♥♥ !!!

La Biserica => Tocuri; nu Toaca. "Masina de tocat nervi" ~ ai cui? 

~ Everything make sense not. Thanks for the gentle pokes.

Keywords d'Abondance

3 times in a row and I was shortly prompted to do it again? RESTORE WHAT? Are you f. kidding me? I didn't even want to do until Monday. I really need a break from this weird crap - It's POISON! Nothing else. {How I do it cause "I don't know"} 🗲Macar sa stiu de ce.

11.10. After last orgasm; I felt I'm v small pe suprafata fetei unei flori... Pixeli verzi de diferite nuante, dar in loc de petale, floarea asta avea tentacule de carne (?). Viziune blurrata. Hmm. I would enjoy such visions/interactions more in normal life,not when I masturbate. [I have to focus on activating modules to reach orgasm] ... Am mai vb. despre asta. Garlic! Lol.

• In the a.m. Woke up prematurely IN PAIN. ~ Give us the good stuff! (no - I did not agree) ~ I need rest. I need a break! These idiots are treating me as if the day was already over and I haven't completed my assignments, which BTW I did not make/take. I'm on par with what I set to do for this weekend. WTF. Vampires? FFS wake up ~ It's a nightmare; lies, NWO & what I've been talking for for... Ever! Anti Love Energy ~ Attempting to take/destroy ALL; Good relationships not allowed. I know those I can "do" with even when it hurts. :( This is beyond ridiculous. 

~

Hello, Eihwaz.. I don't remember the last time I felt something that I would personally define as: Lack of motivation ~ However, For me "The Push" means something else, not what is commonly accepted ~ I do not believe in or endorse "The New Normal" of the NWO.

Similar clues from consulting the I Ching as well ~ 

Sitting by the big Tree in my favorite place, by the lake in Park Timeretului. Looks like a talon, firmly grounded in Dream.

The sky as seen by my phone camera today in my hood, very close to where I live.

Eye-looking cut, right above my heel.

Journal pages...

Feet UP.

From a strange book ~ Oh My!

Measurements: 95-72-101 Luate impotriva vointei mele (ca de altfel 95% din toate masuratorile luate in ultimul an ++) dupa ce am citit intr-o carte pe care o detest desi nu am citit "suficient cat sa imi formez o opinie" din ea. Ca de obicei Stiu eu ce stiu • Sa intri intr-un ritm ... Cine m-a batut la cap cu asta, era nimic. Era gresit; se insela; o iluzie; un pion; bunicul; om; curent; Nimic (used to 'make space' ~ the Lies) 

Nimic, abia astept sa te ating. Totul pana acolo e degeaba. NIMIC NOU! Ever :(

Pentru mine, nu exista "familie" ci doar insi care [se] folosesc si invoca x y z (de ex.: O anume amintire) in loc de valori reale. I never had a real chance/choice. Doar sa suport calculele lor stupide, degeaba. [impotriva vointei mele] ~ ma doare. Am auzit galagia asta all my life. V-am spus ce face si de ce imi face asta. Tot ce simt e doar no choice. Cand vine vorba de "inteles cu altii" {La asta ma refeream, pentru cei care au nevoie inca de explicatii suplimentare}.

12.10. Belonging to a different time; I woke up to hear the same, again. Do this, do that, and nothing else much. No real reason for "Doing", either. What did I love so good that they took it from me and made it so bad? [Raspuns: <the now>].

These days, Economy Class Life assembles through me with pings; aromas;flavors;memories... Jammed up in a weird way - as if smth is "wrong"(*). I say: What proof do you have that it hasn't been like this "always"? {Copy-cat world comes to mind} I... don't... (*) and this is how we try to fix it - Ha.

- Nothing feeds me -> I only seem 2 eat 4 others.

- Nothing clothes me -> I can't hide

- Nothing cleanses me -> Pain is same

- Nothing satisfies -> There's no tocuh left.

Hello Nothing, I love you too. Shut up! I will never shut up ~ especially in talking... How wrong they were are is / To take choice away = Crime.

Thankyou for reading, bye...For now...

09.10

No. New world Order - Glorification of "Anti Love Energy" after applying "ways" (to give pings) copied from Love Mother's Arms No babies.

?

Refurbishment of _ _ _? I don't know [above words].

And if I think about the numbers (~ issue of depopulation) ~ I'm uncertain;  because I saw the numbers play out patterns as people; but it was more like through people (or what appeared to me to be people; due to my brainwash / wrong learned ways) 

Non humans  -> Somehow the art of humans

• stages

• divinity

• speaking through

} Also. A painting will never be able to swallow you.

Enchantment, fascination, admiration, love,

••• I wish I had a friend like me.

Life is "meaningless" without love & me showing stupid "how I orgasm" stuff is... Not in accordance with myself & what I want. Ugly expensive (the world outside).

Oh, what I've seen at play. Targeted individual (me and it's about some of the content I see online) & war messages  for what should've been whispers of kinship in the wind. I miss choosing smth to do & doing it & feeling no "anxiety". Bye. 

No sign/all

 How can I live seeing shit like this unfold Daily, before my eyes, nothing of True Value being permitted (or) encouraged (no, its not encouraged if its being sucked out!).

No words make sense and yet I still have to do this shit every day how many months have passed now? And why? 19999 didn’t exist. I don’t care you got all excited, The one who made you feel that isn’t wasn’t and will never be real either. Guess what

I am [real] and I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH MY REALNESS YET AND THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY ~ It’s Unacceptable! Real does not mean the (how we’ve been trained to perceive the) Physical form. But something else much more complex, that numbers will never be able to comprehend on their own or through failed prototypes of bonding / pairing~

Thank you for the hints /--.--\

Tarot message: Ten of Wands. "Too much" ~ It's in vain.

NOBODY WAS DOING ANYTHING, ANYWAY.

NOBODY WAS DOING ANYTHING, ANYWAY.

NOBODY WAS DOING ANYTHING, ANYWAY.

NOBODY WAS DOING ANYTHING, ANYWAY.

NOBODY WAS DOING ANYTHING, ANYWAY.

NOBODY WAS DOING ANYTHING, ANYWAY.

NOBODY WAS DOING ANYTHING, ANYWAY.

NOBODY WAS DOING ANYTHING, ANYWAY.

NOBODY WAS DOING ANYTHING, ANYWAY.

NOBODY WAS DOING ANYTHING, ANYWAY.

NOBODY WAS DOING ANYTHING, ANYWAY.

NOBODY WAS DOING ANYTHING, ANYWAY.

NOBODY WAS DOING ANYTHING, ANYWAY.

NOBODY WAS DOING ANYTHING, ANYWAY.

People have been sending the correct signals for Years. Nothing that I could say or do could make any difference. Repeating is for sillies. No, this is not how we learn. I know.

pic from https://cathymcclelland.com/

Another day

 Another day

That doesn't make sense

I said: I don't agree,

Yet they keep on hittin'

The pain

I make it look invisible

So I can carry on

Unquestioningly

But those that see

Don't know what to think

They forgot they made theirs's invisible as well

In similar fashions.

Regardless for how long they keep doing this to me

I will never sell my love, sell my soul.

Yes, I believe in a life without pain [I learned my lessons, Pain has no lessons to Teach me, We just cohabitants of the same Nothing together, for a while,  I do not allow anyone else to learn through my eyes ~ unless we both consent & specifically Choose to do so!] ~ I know the way.

Of course I know the way.

They created this Nightmare so our eyes stay dead.

I do not agree.

With any link that DAILY Nightmares my Reality further. 

*deep sigh*

Every day

 Every day when its expected of me to masturbate orgasm regardless of the keywords I feel like screaming hot tar and ripping my skin off to see whats bloody underneath but This selfexpression doesnt lead anywhere either Im not allowed to have a life a sexual life normal thoughts and dreams but they do this to me using others unknowingly participants in  a big nothing I swear The Big Nothing looks better undressed, dezbracat de straiele lumesti cum ii spuneam si fostului numai ca adaptat la Tot  care e Nimic oricum. My words hold no meaning and when they see they forget just as I don't remember either the most important parts of our discussions / just before I sleep, between sleep and waking consciousness, I only remember bits, and I can't do anything with them anyway. I need to heal not hurt myself further. What they want from me now only contributes to Hurting. I puke thoughts down my spine I despise all they chose for me ALL. Why did they do this from the nothing? They could've done ANYTHING. I want to die not feed this sickness anymore. And feeding the sickness seems the only reason why they still keep this shit up; I don't believe it's about anything to repair, really. When I feel shit like this, I never been wrong, I don't care if they hurt me when I say such thinks, I never liked kissing anyone's ass, We're not in this together, just leave me alone, all left for me to do is to die. And regardless of how that happens, if Ill reach old age or die in my sleep tonight, I don't want to participate in anything until then. Everything wasted, no choice, No choice, really, my choice is to be left alone, and die. Keep up with the nothing covered in pretty Useful things? No, thanks. I will keep on living my life as I did until now. In vain, used, misunderstood. No change regardless of what I did. No, me masturbating and having orgasms doesnt seem to lead anywhere. I am not in a relationship with anyone who would want such things from me. The mental images with the triggers disturb me. I HATE THE PORN IMAGES WITH eating pussy whatever man I never liked I never wanted they crafter my mind so they can see through mine SOMETHING. WHYYYYYYYYY I despise all that, it's disgusting, feeling the breath of STUPID MAN in my spine. I didn't make him this way, I always knew how to LOVE. But to be condemned because I refuse something? WHY? If I don't want to love YOU, why is it my fault? <<<<<<<>>>>>>> It's not. All this is something worse than death, death is like a warm blanket hug and not because of 'escapism' but because it's Truth. I HATE the[this] world ( Stop crawling ~ You'll never see what that means, a hate so pure, you cannot bottle that - ever) I LOVE The Nothing (The only Pure !!!thing!!! in context ~ ). Looking forward for the day when I will be allowed to truly show my appreciation. Until then, nothing :) 

I swear, if this whole shit made any difference, I wouldn't be feeling this way and I would participate more willingly. It didn't I always knew It won't and despite that I still tried and the 'doing' against myself ( A concept that is outside of normal definitions <known> of Self ) is just... Poison. Self poison = worse than any other poison. For ppl like me, anyway. And you still want me to do more why? It's always the same. Their theories didn't prove anything of importance. Ever. I somehow knew before, that's why I was always so grumpy with wasting time. I want to waste time on my own with no guidance from anyone. Poor time, To Be Valued and twisted like this. I have no words left to say, puke puke puke.

Hello

 I have been in much too much pain lately and I don't feel like writing. I need some days off ~ all I hear is 'No', this makes all pain worse. Please, leave me alone, this is ridiculous beyond measure. 

I don't get the break I requested, yet nothing changes for the better, all I do is in vain, so? What am I waiting for? The triggers are just as bad anyway, the failed experiments humiliating as ever. 'DO you even know who I am?' ~ How dare you.... 

The internet wouldn't exist without me. Do you realize what this means? Please, let me get a break. I need to HEAL from the SEVERE trauma I've been subjected to. I can find my way, but I'm constantly H(a)UNTED! Every day I masturbate and get orgasms FOR WHAT? This is so humiliating and in vain and against most of the things that I stand for. I am drowning in 'Anti-Love Energy' ~ 

#podcast: https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/anorgasmandanotheroneandsometalking-ekh2nn

Please

I don't want to post here/ on social media for a while. Everything hurts, everything I do is in vain and it hurts too much. I have nothing else to say. Please see index. Thank you! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eRvjyLQ8V8