I know what high-end is

I know what high-end is. Saying that I fell in love with a product, a cheap thing, how disturbing/disgusting/annoying/bad.

"Have an orgasm (again), so I know you're a Female" ~ heard this weird proposal, don't know what to think about it. I already said in many ways why I don't like doing that, regardless of what I think about. Didn't learn what I needed to learn. 

~

So, what about time? "De negasit", datorita... Cifre? Coordonate? Time-stamps?

De gasit, pentru ce? About location? Not what it means for me... 

If I'd talk to myself from the past (memories, what I remember,years: 2011-2012), I'm still not sure what I would say because I don't know exactly what the mistakes WERE. So stopping myself from doing smth, would be wrong. 

- Giving oral sex to WHO (?) while I saw mainly the flesh suit & I (incorrectly) thought it's one person only... Oh, this is Him (insert boy name here)...And this is .... (another boy name) ~ I didn't care too much about the details (phys aspects, keywords?) or anything else from them, I stopped looking, for every one of the Ex love-interests o'mine, at some point... Still feel the same, and I don't like repeating myself, saying again stuff that probably I mentioned already in other blog articles. There's no one I like, as a male I know of as of now. So, oral sex, bad? But....Facial! But... Pictures & requests everywhere, In your head, zombie. What's a mouth?

- Masturbating & orgasming for/thinking about guys on the internet... R. from a game, D. from a videochat website (but not really, since I wasn't operating with Intent, as in, FOR or ABOUT, or Thinking about, I reached those orgasms either by watching porn or accessing modules & triggers, thinking bout porn. And it was not like, hey, look, I'm having these porn thoughts, Me & DreamBoy) ~ a misunderstood urge, due to missing M F data/info (?) - What was wrong? And who do I need to appologise to & how do I do that? Every day when I can't complete this inner quest, is a waste for me :( L cannot progress. But I am much more than a letter, slices. Guys I mentioned were more than a letter too, I used initials so you know who I'm talking about. What they really were though, their stories, I still dont know. That I felt Love, varying in degrees and intensity, that's smth else. I can't really understand stuff about that if I don't know what I did wrong. 

Right now[what is my understandment of now, June 2021 after midnight, day is 12/however I put it, someone screams that it's wrong]*, I can't dream about anyone[painful but not in an annoying, depending,stupid female way - Got a ping: "No proof | You're still Parked" Why would I care if you've got no proof for this? Nobody showed you how it's done RIGHT, so... :-< and btw saying I'm parked makes me sad -you can process my entire blog instantly, or, what is to me, instantly,so you can see- and I don't want to dismiss you but smth is afoot.], and if it's your inner quest to pester me, I feel sorry for you. Pestered I am, useless (everything we do) is, as long as... This shit. This is not correct understandment of psychology or understanding of Opposites concepts involving alchemical teachings, as I've seen rumors of. 

There's still something I need to learn about my own mistakes, not necessarily so I don't repeat them with other(s), but to learn, for myself (& this means not harm others as well ~ not only love interests, but, hey! Why would I see them as separate (from myself) anyway). 

2 years after divorce, still single. Sold the wedding rings for 13 RON ~ lucky number :) (means nothing, but a lil' smile). 

I will never be interested in a made-up Whole, like that twitch guy was, in potential. Artists hopefully heard my message and repeat pleading. 

Despre ceilalti, hehe, oriunde m-as fi mutat, peste tot e peste tot... Nu e vba ca era imposibil, dar cu anumite secrete nu poti merge inainte (Mergem inainte! Oh, detest vorbele astea din reclame, sau cel putin ce apare ca reclama pentru mine). Cand vad eu reclame rele triggerele CUI este? C:? Care dintre ele? N-are cum sa fie doar 1... Hmm.. Poate e o porecla... Poate, intr-o buna zi, chiar ne vom distra, fara sa fim distrasi de la ce conteaza... Focus on what matters. (Easily misunderstood words). 

~ To be a channel, I wouldnt mind

For what I choose to focus on, with my mind,

Or with my mind's eye,

So I can explore a life without One lie.

But when I hear my voice say things I didn't choose

And remember the movement of muscles

I cannot doubt myself, but something aches,

As if I allowed the wrongness...

Tricksters lie, I don't mind that

But their lies are like Smiles

And those smiles are not smells of farts.

Or like me sneezing in the middle of the night with nothing really to look forward to 4 tomorrow (today), since I didn't learn my lesson. There is nothing that Costs or that is Prohibited when it comes to the type of learning that I mentioned here. It's like pathways, opened automaticly, and the tricks teach too, and there's no struggle (that is something else).

Dis-tan-cing  ~ I can't learn properly because of social distancing !WTF! (Me getting this Idea was a guy wearing a hat? This is the communication I received).

Why do you taste like someone else? If you knew, you'd be bothered too.

*So how do I interpret/feel about/interact in the NOW? I never had any problem with delaying stuff, because Fear = Bad & Ways = plenty (for true seekers), but that word... Plenty.... Like in a marketplace... Not in space (since you understood what that is)

Breathe in people.

Solids are words...

Marketplace, you don't see anything to buy, everything bothers you for some reason... Oh, I'll get this & use it because it means X thing. Sadness...

I don't want to Invoke for cuteness ~ I always meant srs bsns... & who I wronged I can get right with. 

To those of you that sometimes bring to my attention that I'm Parked. How can I learn more about that it means? What I hear, is ALL tied to LIES in my past. Either documents (Hey I'm "boy_name". That amount on your document is ME!), wrongly interpreted Karma attributes, etc. All easily observable if correct version Speaks. (Mic? Radio? I try to see above the keywords...). What I know from this human life, minght incorrectly send pointers. 

If lies is what you want, I don't want to satisfy your requests.

Medicine is different.

Thank you.