Nu imi place nici de tine.

 

I wish I could have a wish, not what others (anyone) thinks that should be (don't wish 4 me). But... I can't wish anything without knowing, that would be so wrong. To know is not a wish either... A calling... Yes I'm more special than I know/see.

~ Abt feelings (the ones I care about) ~ not a biz 4 me. I'm v. sad. Same reason(s).

:)

...

I had my first kiss at (age) 15

1st fuck at 17

Got married at 31 [2018]

Divorced at 31 [2019] (I can provide proof but it's a bit awkward to put such documents online. I was a lil surprised to hear ~psychic~ that some are not aware about this, smth to do with time)

I am now almost 34 and didn't have a physical partner (lover/whatever) for more than 2 years!

............

But if you want it

Then you must find it

But when you have it

There'll be no need for it

... 

I find cute art. Not knowing the reason/intent for real (very controversial to bring this up when talking about art, but maybe I mean smth else that I don't know how to put in words) makes it PRETTY useless. I have nothing to do for real, and this makes most if not all cuteness pass me by, like wind.. Enjoying the moment is smth else, when you know. Borrowing from/following others is not what I like to do, regardless of how the struggle feels like. I didn't get one direct opinion that MEANT something. All hidden, hiding, not direct... Address me directly, what is that? Pls stop mentioning my initial, I'm not sure in what ways you see me. (I won't let the 'confusion' quicksand me, I never did, even before I met any of you).

I have many blog posts saying the same things with different words. My reality only got more insulting since then, no (good) difference, really.

https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/2021/02/nu-am-nimic.html

https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/2021/01/i-have-no-words-anymore.html

Nu stiu ce sa scriu. Nu mai suport sa vad copii pe strada (Nu stiu ce sunt)... Copii si pungi de cumparaturi. Un el care face copii cu alta ... ??? (Ce treaba sa am eu cu el? Sa il ajut? Voi sunteti seriosi? Ce poveste de kkt e asta prostie si victimizare) *** M-ar lasa dracului in pace daca ar fi pe bune*** Cineva care "trebuie salvat" ~ salvage... scraps... Imitatie... Imprumut vs. furt (politia nu face nimic) _ Masti si iar masti... An avalanche of clothes. What drives me; what I seek... Perverted... Speak the language of love... Am invatat pasi mici sa gandesc in scene pornografice... Ceva nu e Truth la treaba asta... Continuum... Harvest... Not death... Same thing as before... lies... Masks... Disturbed - The sound of silence.

Thank you for your comments/whatever the hints are. Nu am ce sa fac cu ele. Daca mi-ati spune ceva cu care chiar sa am ce sa fac, probabil ati uita inainte sa va amintiti cum sa ma abordati/ce vroiati sa imi spuneti. Nu cred asta (My beliefs do not shape my world/reality) E doar o observatie, cu care ofc ca nu sunt de acord si nu am ce masuri sa iau (nici asta nu e un belief!). 

As putea spune ca nu stiu, in loc de nu am, am facut asta de foarte multe ori, rezultatul? Acelasi. Nimic :)

Stiu ca nu sunt aici sa induplec/conving pe nimeni cu/de nimic. Daca asta ar fi fost situatia, as fi calculat (singura) deja.

Viata ca si (din) suferinta?* depinde la care nivel te referi... Eu nu mi pot sa vad lucrurile asa de cand mi-am dat seama ca printr-un costum de carne din cele cu care am interactionat/interactionez, trec mai multi... Nu sunt frustrata, pur si simplu nu am ce sa fac, si nu gasesc cuvantul potrivit ca sa descriu. Nu, nu e nici hopeless.

*Credeam asta, cand il vedeam pe fiecare in 'durerea lui'. (Costume de carne cu o poveste)

🙏

Nici sa ma rog nu mai pot sa fac klumea de cand pana si in biserica porn requests :) si cand zic porn req nu e ca ce urmeaza ↓ , e explicit in capul meu.

PS: Cand zburam cu avionul si imi placea nu stiu ce senzatie "e pentru ca cineva imi facea sex oral" ~ 

1. Nu stiu daca e ceva gresit sau nu (a sti/a a nu sti).

2. De ce mi-ati adus asta in vedere, dupa tot ce v-am spus/aratat(despre sex oral fizic-carne)? Ca sa spundespre inca o chestie "Nu imi place"? Cum sa las pe cineva sa imi faca sex oral -ceva intim- daca nici macar nu stiu cine/cum e /ce fatza are, etc. Doar pentru ca el M eu F? Serios? Viata TREBUIE sa fie despre altceva.

NU sunt parcata.

Multumesc.

M-am saturat de ..... WORSE than low lvl (What if it's low lvl of a game I wouldn't even play? Your fear=yours. Stop SsssssSSSsssssssssing@me if you don't know yourself)

👄

Nu vreau sa fac copii cu straini. Nici cu costume de carne, indiferent cate chestii interesante ajung la mine 'prin'(din?) ei...

BS of the day: Cum dai inapoi? Amandoua in acelasi timp. Habar nu am ce se intampla de fapt. Poate asta ofera clues about why sometimes I get random thoughts about different memories with my ex, for example? (things I didn't like). I thought when I get these thoughts(mental images/memories) it's nothing that bad (coping? even though feels like mental rape) smth like: someone is logging in [scary], or, whatever energy was fueling him(meat) when I got those memories, is trying to tell me something in the Now [?]. I DO NOT BELIEVE THOSE THINGS! I'm trying To figure out wtf happens, to Know Myself.