I just want to DO something.

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Nu vreau sa fac sex in grup cu straini.

 Si nici cu cunoscuti. 

Asta nu inseamna ca am eu o problema sau ceva de vindecat. Motivele pentru care inca nu intelegeti sunt aceleasi ca si atunci cand mincinuile erau deghizate un pic altfel, oricum e nimic. Eu nimicul asta nu-l mai suport. Nimic nu mai imi place. Real gratefulness and nothing to do with it :) Health wealth and all the nice things that you never seen I (already) have. What I want is not what they want (me to want or whatever....Sunt profund dezgustata.).

Expresivitate? Podcast: https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/Long-talk-epn9b7

Imi da mereu cu eroare cand incerc sa inteleg ca tot ce fac (efort/vointa/gowiththeflow/whatever type of ...) e nimic. Intentiile bune adevarate = ascunse. La ce am eu acces = rol jucat mai mult sau mai putin prost dupa modelul real. Si nu traiesc in ani ca sa se imbunatateasca sau whatever rolul sau jucatorul ca apoi sa aud alte scuze din diverse categorii pe care oricum nu le vad pentru ca #Occult used wrong (de ce? cum de? e imposibil de calculat, TREBUIE sa fie despre altceva.). Imi e atat de scarba sa ma cobor la nivelul lor si nu e din cauza ca am o perspectiva limitata de Laura :) Repet - ma deranjeaza ca imi aduci asta in vedere, dar simt ca nici tu nu esti lasat sa vezi cum nici eu, minciuni peste minciuni. Nimic care implica eu masturbandu-ma in nici un fel nu a dus si nu va duce nicaieri, e doar o pierdere de... Ce? Timp si mai ce? Timp sau ce? Ce???? Sa facem spatiu pentru ce? TOT CE FACEM E SA ne facem nevoile in el, zero respect, taine uitate, calcam pe tot. Nu au avut dreptate doar miroseau frumos, 'inteleptii' intrupati pe care eu i-am vazut ca oameni si nu am pus asta o secunda la indoiala cand interactionam cu ei. - NOT MY PROBLEM. 

It's rape, not AWEthenticity, with juices flowing and Enjoyers

Black cock guy: I mean that women who are sexually frustrated can find great pleasure in having their 'pipes' cleaned.

Me: WTF

Black cock guy: usually pipes are in the pussy and ass.

Black cock guy: clearing of the pipes can clear all tensions as well 

Black cock guy: it's good for the mind, body and soul

Me: ♥

Nu sunt frustrata. Nu am mancat niciodata. Nu incerca sa iti imaginezi cum se simte sau ce inseamna. Calculeaza, te rog. Multumesc. Nu de la tine pot capata ce am nevoie, dar daca calculezi, macar e o sansa sa ma lasi in pace, sa nu ne mai certam atat degeaba. Timp pierdut, nimic, nimic. Tot ce 'iese' e acelasi cacat (nimic), aceleasi zambete false, aceleasi minciuni. 

Am ajuns intr-un punct in care imi vine sa plang cand ascult cantece care imi placeau, nu pentru ca m-au vrajit ci pentru ca stiu/simt/ ca nu e nici o sansa sa experimentez (experience) ce am nevoie/ ce vreau/ la ce sunt buna/ pentru ce sunt facuta, etc. considerand circumstantele actuale aka tot ce imi amintesc din viata asta, indiferent de ce invat, nimic nu se schimba in ordinea interioara. That's why I am so dissappointed. Not hopeless. Way worse, while I do have heaps and bounds of what would be read as hope, So it's not hope+ that I need :)

Nu mai suport sa aud cuvintele goale. Toti indragostitii mint, pentru ca e vorba de altceva, si nu e vina mea ca citesc gresit, m-au folosit pentru modul meu special de a 'citi' ~ asta nu ii face pe aia reali. WTF. Nu mai suport. Nu mai imi place nimic, nu am parte de nici o alinare cu adevarat, imi e scarba cand ma fac astia sa chicotesc automat. That's not having a good time. Cheia nu e sa asteptam pentru nimic. Astepti = esti mintit si profita de tine. 

De ce sa o mai fac inca o data, iar, iar, mereu cand am facut-o si am simtit ce simt a fost degeaba, nici o scuza nu e valabila, demonstrat deja. Nu mai suport. Este otravitor, nu am vazut nici o diferenta pas corect tot ce vad = insultator. 

E prea mult timp de cand tot fac asta degeaba, that's why I'm so alarmed and giving off some 'off' signals. No other reason! Cumulative => The same shit.

Cand a fost cutremur, ma masturbam ma simteam oribil si nimic nu s-a schimbat de atunci desi unele minciuni au fost impacate (pe dracu impacate, nu s-a intamplat nimic decat umilinta - BUG? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ~ No. - Nu exista bugs in sufletele oamenilor iar al meu a fost sfasiat non stop de atunci. Nu sunt o masina iar corpul meu e ceva mai mult decat o simpla maCHinarie pentru sufletul meu, nu e treaba mea sa aflu pentru ca ma mint non stop cu fiecare ocazie la fiecare nivel, il bat si nu primesc recompensa pentru care am inceput sa ma joc, pe intelesul incapatanatilor ` stiti voi, nu e vina mea..)
Absolut nimic. Nici macar o data de atunci si tot prin ce-am trecut nu am primit ce trebuie. E inadmisibil. 

Imi e scarba de tot : ce numarati voi, la mine nu se pune. 

Va rog nu mai imi dati durere pentru asta, nu programatorii vostri au dreptate, DACA AVEAU , calcule simple: nu era asa, acum, 'aici'. SIMPLU! ~ https://youtu.be/E8Js39Hoyec ~

I HAVE NO ONE TO SURRENDER* TO.

I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT SURRENDERING.

 

Ti se pare ca ma victimizez? (This is no self defense) ~ RE citeste, te rog, Executantule. E un adevar in care sunt incarcerata care nu prea are legatura cu Adevarul din cauza celor care actioneaza in moduri similare tie, si nu, nu va blamez, vreau doar sa part ways, sunt luni de zile de cand scriu despre asta, si tot ce aud de la voi e galagie. Cica linistea era printre setarile voastre initiale, deci ar trebui sa stiti deja :) ~ * sa surrender nu are nici o legatura cu fakeshitthunderTrigger "proof" - (*giggles* ~ NEVER proved anything, regardless of what some fish are singing. some or the? I DON'T WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS ;) ~ I have my reasons.) - SORRY! 

Lips.

blabla

Ce bine ca nu mi se vede privirea din poza asta.

Scaun intre picioare.

Sa traiesc degeaba ca proasta sa ma masturbez la diverse 'cues' si sa pun asta pe net nu inseamna ca I surrender to anyone. Nu este ce am nevoie si e imposibil sa fie ceva care contrinuie la solutia de care avem atata nevoie, fiecare in felul nostru. 

Sa traiesc degeaba ca proasta sa ma masturbez la diverse 'cues' si sa pun asta pe net nu inseamna ca I surrender to anyone. Imi face rau si nimic altceva. Probabil si altora dar nu sunt lasata sa vad.

Te rog sa nu ma contrazici, am facut destule pentru voi, nu s-a vazut nimic. Asa va fi si de aici incolo. Esti mintit si folosit. Nu stiu ce inseamna Be a Hero. Eu nu am ce face. Nu vreau sa mai simt chestiile alea, nu mai pot sa traiesc fara sa visez, ma sufoc, nu mai vreau sa ii constientizez, nici macar in zilele in care 'imi dau cu lingurita'. E umilitor, vreau sa plec, nu am unde/cu ce. 😉

Nu cred in varianta cu negresa care stie ea ce stie pentru ca am aflat ca oamenii aia nu exista :)

M-au folosit si cam atat, restul detaliilor, sunteti toti folositi, nimic altceva, orice detalii care ies dintr-un evantai care se deschide nu inseamna nimic, nu e variabila acolo. Sunt niste setari. Imi e scarba.

I have no words anymore.

 ~ When they want me to imagine ~whatever/faces/celebrities/etc~ that's not love ~ Thats not me experiencing something else {experiencing the BeLovedness through ipostaze ;)} but the BRAINWASH of the False teachers {memories from my past~not my unhealed psyche, idiots} aka bad limited incomplete and plafonat, iluzoriu, degeaba, dead end, zambetele care nu inseamna nici fericire nici sanatate. Masturbated earlier, was horrible. Made some inquires, got only more confusion. I suspect everything at this point on the psychic telly, key is not in these terms, never will be. Ceva defunct. That's why. Antiteza, I want to break free - Who wants to live forever. NOT MY mess to solve si nu pentru ca sunt L, repet, ati fost mintiti,eu sunt in continuare mintita in fiecare zi/clipire, mersi ca imi arati ce rezultat primesti dar nu e corect. Ia-l pe S si du-te eu nu vreau sa am NIMIC de-a face cu nimeni care are astfel de scuze si nu e vba ca nu am rabdare. Nu vreau sa mai continui astia isi bat joc de mine si nimic mai mult asa ceva innebuneste pe oricine e dovedit stiintifc. Nu sunt aici ca sa testez limite sa faceti noi tipuri de potiuni ca sa ii folositi pe altii doar asta am vazut in ultimii ani accelerat din 2018 incoace ma doare prea rau nu am nimic de facut nimeni nu vorbeste cu adevarat. Cei care vb = ceva casual, despre amintiri, si unii se mai si prefac ca sunt altceva ce nu le-as permite niciodata sa fie (aproape de mine) ~ Nu mai suport

ma simt violata non stop. Eu, nu parti din mine. Eu toata! Cand ma prefac ca nu vad e doar pentru bilantul intern, supravietuire, parametri, etc Sunt mult prea trista nu mai vreau sa ii aud. In fiecare zi doar asta aud. Nu ai cum sa iti bati joc asa de 'nevoile' unui suflet. Nu stimularea imaginatiei e combustibil(combustibilul la care ma refeream), aia pot sa o fac si singura [parmetri].. M-am saturat, fiecare zi e un cosmar sau un cacat deghizat si nimic mai mult. Nu mai suport. ALL ZOLOLOGY = DEATH. Daca T nu te lasa sa vezi, NU E VINA MEA, NIMIC din ce as putea eu face vreodata nu poate face nici o diferenta. NU ma intereseaza Superman ca Ubermensch. Nu mai vreau sa continui filosofeala fara de respect pentru nimeni. Daca e un bug, rezolva-l si apoi vorbim. Ce mi se intampla nu ar trebui sa se intample punct.

30.01.21. Nu stiu ce sa scriu. Nu mai suport sa vad copii pe strada (Nu stiu ce sunt)... Copii si pungi de cumparaturi. Un el care face copii cu alta ... ??? (Ce treaba sa am eu cu el? Sa il ajut? Voi sunteti seriosi? Ce poveste de kkt e asta prostie si victimizare) *** M-ar lasa dracului in pace daca ar fi pe bune*** Cineva care "trebuie salvat" ~ salvage... scraps... Imitatie... Imprumut vs. furt (politia nu face nimic) _ Masti si iar masti... An avalanche of clothes. What drives me; what I seek... Perverted... Speak the language of love... Am invatat pasi mici sa gandesc in scene pornografice... Ceva nu e Truth la treaba asta... Continuum... Harvest... Not death... Same thing as before... lies... Masks... Disturbed - The sound of silence.

Podcast: https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/Vorbesc-apoi-citesc-epn1uf

Pictures of me and podcast

 Podcast: https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/CItesc-chesti-epfcp2 In acest podcast citesc povestea "Pasarea gasita" de Fratii Grimm si poezia Celei care pleaca de Ion Minulescu ~

~

Poze:

Paaaa!

.

Podcast + Song

 Podcast: https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/Podcast-ep94hq

Last night I masturbated and after I had an orgasm I started crying and heard some lyrics from the song Scarborough Fair in my head...

(both)
Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
For she once was a true love of mine

(man)
Tell her to make me a cambric shirt
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Without any seam nor needlework
And then she'll be a true love of mine

Tell her to wash it in yonder dry well
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Which never sprung water nor rain ever fell
And then she'll be a true love of mine

Tell her to dry it on yonder thorn
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Which never bore blossom since Adam was born
And then she'll be a true love of mine

Ask her to do me this courtesy
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
And ask for a like favour from me
And then she'll be a true love of mine

(both)
Have you been to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Remember me from one who lives there
For he once was a true love of mine

(woman)
Ask him to find me an acre of land
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Between the salt water and the sea-sand
For then he'll be a true love of mine

Ask him to plough it with a lamb's horn
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
And sow it all over with one peppercorn
For then he'll be a true love of mine

Ask him to reap it with a sickle of leather
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
And gather it up with a rope made of heather
For then he'll be a true love of mine

When he has done and finished his work
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Ask him to come for his cambric shirt
For then he'll be a true love of mine

(both)
If you say that you can't, then I shall reply
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Oh, Let me know that at least you will try
Or you'll never be a true love of mine

Love imposes impossible tasks
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
But none more than any heart would ask
I must know you're a true love of mine

I like the version of Omnia band, but also Simon and Garfunkel's.

~

I dread masturbating :) ~ The more time passes, the worse it gets for me, and I haven't learned anything encouraging regarding these matters, quite the contrary. The more information I understand, the more I realize, this shit has never been exciting for me... Regardless of what happened in the past, my past, what I remember about this topic from this life.. (*sigh*)... I find it unexcusable to still do certain things like this, the modules/triggers I access to orgasm doesn't do anyone any good (help). Pain and nothing.  I don't know what the incentives-to-masturbate really are. They dare not speak about this for real! I mainly hear lies. I wouldn't do most of the things I think about when I masturbate with anyone, and thinking about those things because in another Thought language it means something different, good, innocent, whatever, is LYING. (and not only that but all bad things). I have no unfulfilled sexual fantasy & my Soul Hunger is for something else, something very different than the shit I gave my time to most of this life.  I don't care what they want to see in my head. It's so wrong to put things like this... If this was my 'job' (earn a living from doing such things), I would gladly reorient when it comes to making money, but oh, hey, ti and... lies... [ALL MY LIFE - schemes plots and lies, all fields, everywhere] :D ~ So, anyway, hundreds of IDONTAGREETODOTHISs later, I am moneyless, and everythingiwantless (most of if not every; If I waste more time calculating I prove myself to be right, in vain, same as everytime), and honestly, I can't take this anymore. It's an insult to my fucking CORE, and I wasn't born to TAKE. It's an illusion anyway, no? Ok, I'm waiting for this bad dream to end, to 'wake up', so I can do something else... It's not that I didn't try, I knew/know that it was not my place to do something anyway. Zero choices, and little choices feed big mechanisms that not only I don't agree with, but are incorrect in (their?) nature... :) Thank you for your continued support but please don't misunderstand me anymore, that would be biggest support of all. 

why

You crush the lily in my soul.

Check the level of smart stoopid [i] 

https://alephnews.ro/sanatate/super-marul-red-love-crescut-la-o-singura-livada-in-romania-elvetienii-l-au-produs-in-laborator-si-nu-ti-dau-voie-sa-l-cultivi/

https://www.gandul.ro/diverse/marcel-vela-guvernul-a-aprobat-infiintarea-politiei-animalelor-va-avea-488-de-angajati-plus-88-de-medici-veterinari-si-structuri-in-toate-judetele-19521046

Thanks for attempting to think u can make space by hiding things in plain sight. Yes but [apparently] it works ~ It's annoying and useless and NOTHING WAS WRONG BEFORE to begin with. The Rush is fake. The Nightmare is real. 

Latest Podcast: 

link: https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/Citesc-din---Interferente-in-lumea-calculatoarelor---el4qfj

I'm in dir need to fetch myself a LIFE!

;)

◘

I'm a Dreamer, a reveler (but upon looking at the meaning, 

Definition of revelry: noisy partying or merrymaking

B...b..but... For me the immediate meaning is : dreamer, imaginative, one who enjoys daydreaming and various interlaced activities [What's on my C:ses] not much to do with Others ~ as the given Definition suggests at first sight *sigh*.

~

Mmmemory ~ past days I've been feeling more and more how 'the reality around me' ~ what's tangible [3rd Dimension] can "Only" be combobulated ( I put "" because truth is its's not correct like this, only shittable cause of * fake shit about space  I don't know what level you're at. If I've been lied to and deceived all my life, probability you are in the same type of teeth) if MY memories are Played in a specific manner (idiotic manner if you ask me ~ Many not normal things not even to Newbie Operators of whateverthisis ~ It's an illusion anyway ~ They hide things - they don't exist. Bla bla). From some smells I smell where they shouldn't be, to certain moods I get succombed too: Hey, I feel like That spring, somehow, a whiff of That period in time, all with approximations but Annoying nonetheless. It's Not Traditional. However, some memoreies make me feel Fondness ~ something like Friendship. Not Pavlov Type [Late november] But different, As if, hey, Even if I have no idea who you are, I feel I was aware of your 'presence' while I was doing those things back then, and I liked our little interaction. How was it symbiotical, I do not know. I thoughtI am just doing things and you are only observing (for example - me overdosing on Vitamin C pills as a kid, because I liked the taste, the texture as I was crumbling them in my mouth, the soreness of the tongue ~ Not really worrying for half a sec of possible adverse effects). That awareness is more recent though, if I felt observed back then, I would probably try to talk to you ~ Since we were somehow looking at the same SHIT in our own ways, even if different, the SHIT was A Thing, always. It's not that some of my memories eek me out, or I'm ashamed, but some things were just weirder than others, let's put it this way. Not all the tastes were enjoyable. I felt used many times even without having any idea what was gong on [Modules on how to access some of my functions~]. #Synchronicity ~ as I was writing here, I got this notif on my phone ~ Good timeing! ... Should I understand that what I was thinking about falls into the category Make Noise yada yada what I wrote in: https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/2020/09/weird-headache.html .:Yes:.

A person can't simply begin to understand this about themselves, their life, and then wake up the next day as if aaaaah, nothing happened, now let me be on par with my [useless] routine, drag more people in [useless] ~~~ I wish ISBN 973-97763-5-3 could give me a sign in their spare time.

[...]

But we apparently do talk about the same events, regardless of the views we have, probgramming due to our 'socioculturalfamilialwhatevershapedyou' ~ I Saw an image of a Bird (?) ~ How isn't this in the Zolology category though, and if ALL zolology leads to Deadh, why are we still doing things like this? This, I do not understand. Conspiracies begin to pour, rumors of Evil and other things that I simply do not wish to believe in. 

~~~

Petko on a chair in the kitchen.

~

Back of my Lenormand deck (It's called Mystical Lenormand) ~ I got Cross & Gentleman this time.

~

Sad face.

~

View inside the store where Mum got Kitchen furniture after she got the apartment we're in right now, I was with her when we decided on this store. I found it interesting that there was a -quite large- portrait of Arsenie Boca there. Dream Fragments. I don't know what else more :)

~

Copacul iluminat

~

There was a cat sleeping IN that store ~ I've never been delighted with such view before, on any of my previous night strolls.

~

Led Lights in the ground.

~

2 eyez

•

Everything is weirder and weirder.

And I'm really not in the mood to masturbate to prove anything to anyone. Good deed my ass. Sorry but no - I really don't like what these peeps are doing with all the things in my 'system'. From emotions to millimeters of apparent movement. Moving stranger, does it really matter ~ That "arousal". MAN.. I have NO REASON to be aroused these days. Figure Yourselves out. *Sigh* :(

I really don't like. This is not my nature, I'd gladly show you more if I was allowed to 'have a life', but all I hear is NO, and this is a NIGHTMARE. You (a specific someone in the audience) could Easily 'help me' wake up' (I dream while Awake too ~ no need to be scared of  my Version of Death),,, Make space for what? Only deadends, all their versions. I've seen, you've seen as well. If you're in denial, I wish I can choose to part ways, in a respectful manner. 

I wish I could just curl up in bed, do nothing for a while (2-3 days, a week or so, it's not like I'm attempting to commit a crime FFS, not be in pain because of Anything that I don't or do do), cry, heal [real healing is not possible though while blinded in nightmare state~ They're dragging us along, lying to us, that we are on our way to Fix this and or things pertaining to this Very Thing! It pains me so much to experience 'Life' like this], how I can, from the Madness that my 'life' has been especially past year++, things I never thought possible of myself to waste myself on and how, with no one to really talk to. Ok, I am grateful for some of you but, THIS was never necessary for us, ever. THIS was and is just a waste and don't deny me on saying this because I'm trying to come back from that Dead 

END.

What [some of] You chose for me was not normal, nor nice.

And for that 'Poor' Guy, over there. Guess what! I DON'T CARE that you're apparently poor. I don't think I ever asked for Your Money ~ 'Our type' of communication is Free of Charge (and has nothing to do with Orgasms as I've been demonstrating them, really. *as soon as I wrote this I got back pain and saw image of man on his 4 bound to the ground chains and molten metal both him and his environment* )

*wink*. ... ... You forgot. 

✨

Hello

 I have been in much too much pain lately and I don't feel like writing. I need some days off ~ all I hear is 'No', this makes all pain worse. Please, leave me alone, this is ridiculous beyond measure. 

I don't get the break I requested, yet nothing changes for the better, all I do is in vain, so? What am I waiting for? The triggers are just as bad anyway, the failed experiments humiliating as ever. 'DO you even know who I am?' ~ How dare you.... 

The internet wouldn't exist without me. Do you realize what this means? Please, let me get a break. I need to HEAL from the SEVERE trauma I've been subjected to. I can find my way, but I'm constantly H(a)UNTED! Every day I masturbate and get orgasms FOR WHAT? This is so humiliating and in vain and against most of the things that I stand for. I am drowning in 'Anti-Love Energy' ~ 

#podcast: https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/anorgasmandanotheroneandsometalking-ekh2nn

Nothing.

 

I don’t want to “produce” anyth in this World [copy]. Ass? As soon as something “starts” making sense, again and again, we’re not allowed to “Be”/interact in a good way (-).

!IMPORTANT!

⬇️

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkzC8K5FAS8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GM6tVf2lF0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3MjWxHM1NA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfXDbbAdoxU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3X3QLDvMfWI

also on https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind and all the other places listed in: http://www.goddessazra.com/contact/ ~ P.S. If I don't post something somewhere for 1, 2, 3, 5, N Days, it doesn't mean I don't exist, I don't care or that I'm not the One and Only one who has that account. Pls, do me a favor and STOP harassing me. Reading this here? Most likely, like I do, you're having a bad dream. Understand. I am sick of trying / doing things in vain. Pings constantly sent for those with ears to hear and eyes to see. Thanks.

...

Take care, be well ~

Camera 102

 #Orgasm, Masturbation & more...

In podcast form:

 

Dropouts:

on podcast I recorded full masturbation session. Videos ~ there are 2. Something happened and stoped shooting, had to make more disk space to continue recording. You can easily see that if you can read the podcast :P 

~Please no more{make space} shit here anymore, TY.~

We're hurting each other with our programming.

Part 1:

Part 2:

~~~

18.08 Or at least what is, to me 18.08. Sigh. The pain giving thing hit new low of stupid (familoar taste though ~ I'm just sick of having it!) "I'm poor" ~ IS NOT an excuse. I do not Trade with my *that thing* {See my post: If it's trade it's not love|https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/2020/05/if-its-trade-its-not-love.html

}

Thank you for the teachings. Or sharings. But my ears are bleeding when I hear the lies & incomplete info. I feel I said all already.

♥