Podcast + Song

 Podcast: https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/Podcast-ep94hq

Last night I masturbated and after I had an orgasm I started crying and heard some lyrics from the song Scarborough Fair in my head...

(both)
Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
For she once was a true love of mine

(man)
Tell her to make me a cambric shirt
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Without any seam nor needlework
And then she'll be a true love of mine

Tell her to wash it in yonder dry well
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Which never sprung water nor rain ever fell
And then she'll be a true love of mine

Tell her to dry it on yonder thorn
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Which never bore blossom since Adam was born
And then she'll be a true love of mine

Ask her to do me this courtesy
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
And ask for a like favour from me
And then she'll be a true love of mine

(both)
Have you been to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Remember me from one who lives there
For he once was a true love of mine

(woman)
Ask him to find me an acre of land
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Between the salt water and the sea-sand
For then he'll be a true love of mine

Ask him to plough it with a lamb's horn
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
And sow it all over with one peppercorn
For then he'll be a true love of mine

Ask him to reap it with a sickle of leather
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
And gather it up with a rope made of heather
For then he'll be a true love of mine

When he has done and finished his work
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Ask him to come for his cambric shirt
For then he'll be a true love of mine

(both)
If you say that you can't, then I shall reply
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Oh, Let me know that at least you will try
Or you'll never be a true love of mine

Love imposes impossible tasks
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
But none more than any heart would ask
I must know you're a true love of mine

I like the version of Omnia band, but also Simon and Garfunkel's.

~

I dread masturbating :) ~ The more time passes, the worse it gets for me, and I haven't learned anything encouraging regarding these matters, quite the contrary. The more information I understand, the more I realize, this shit has never been exciting for me... Regardless of what happened in the past, my past, what I remember about this topic from this life.. (*sigh*)... I find it unexcusable to still do certain things like this, the modules/triggers I access to orgasm doesn't do anyone any good (help). Pain and nothing.  I don't know what the incentives-to-masturbate really are. They dare not speak about this for real! I mainly hear lies. I wouldn't do most of the things I think about when I masturbate with anyone, and thinking about those things because in another Thought language it means something different, good, innocent, whatever, is LYING. (and not only that but all bad things). I have no unfulfilled sexual fantasy & my Soul Hunger is for something else, something very different than the shit I gave my time to most of this life.  I don't care what they want to see in my head. It's so wrong to put things like this... If this was my 'job' (earn a living from doing such things), I would gladly reorient when it comes to making money, but oh, hey, ti and... lies... [ALL MY LIFE - schemes plots and lies, all fields, everywhere] :D ~ So, anyway, hundreds of IDONTAGREETODOTHISs later, I am moneyless, and everythingiwantless (most of if not every; If I waste more time calculating I prove myself to be right, in vain, same as everytime), and honestly, I can't take this anymore. It's an insult to my fucking CORE, and I wasn't born to TAKE. It's an illusion anyway, no? Ok, I'm waiting for this bad dream to end, to 'wake up', so I can do something else... It's not that I didn't try, I knew/know that it was not my place to do something anyway. Zero choices, and little choices feed big mechanisms that not only I don't agree with, but are incorrect in (their?) nature... :) Thank you for your continued support but please don't misunderstand me anymore, that would be biggest support of all.