Matters

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Nothing else.

Latest podcast: https://anchor.fm/ishkira-wind/episodes/Citesc-din-Epopeea-lui-Ghilgames-enrstp

Din jurnal: Pain and humiliation. Nothing else. I just want to wake up from this nightmare. Nobody is genuine... html? Intentions... Get lost in the fog... All of them... Can't believe my life is as is now, I hear excuses for everything, NOTHING is done, and I can't even have ONE! 

f

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Thank you for reporting but I don't know how to interpret it. I am Whole, in a different way than made up of all the things I receive hints about.

Sometimes I freak out because I feel as if you keep assuming wrong things about ME.

My feet :)

A view that put a smile on my face

Soft skin 

Experimenting with ....

~

Please, once and for EVER. Understand. 'Tipping' me in the form or *that thing* IS NOT GOOD/Right/ correct. Only leads to 0. Nothing. 

~

The more time passes the worse the lies get. I DON'T want to participate! Spirit guides would NEVER imply that I am Parked because I AM NOT A CAR. You're damn stupid if after months you still choose 2 pester me with this empty shit. I AM NOT A CAR. Body as I have is not car 4 soul to make time travel. Only Zero I hear from u & ppl like u, it hurts me; I have nothing else in my life {For real SOUL growth}.

Someone chose this for me!!!

I can't do anything, really.

Only waste time.

It's not all a show. It's shit.

[...]

U always gone in a timely manner, before another jerk showed up & isolated the room/screen so signal can't be heard/seen.

0 chances; 0 choices.

.

I adapt to any situation.

But what has been served to me lately is not worthy of that word.

L.

Sometimes I freak out because I feel as if you keep assuming wrong things about ME. Thank you for reporting but I don't know how to interpret it. I am

  Whole, in a different way than made up of all the things I receive hints about.

♥

New video:

 

https://youtu.be/iGe2qNQE6rM

Pee, shit, crystal, earbuds, quickie, whatever.

Got the suggestions in weird ways, as if my eyes were automaticly focusing on certain keywords around me, t e or what?

But...

For who am I doing this?

I was asking for help {Writing in my journal, thinking about angels not money}

'Sponsor'

What are you Sponsoring me with?

How do you know that is what I seek/asked for?

Regardless.

I felt something more too

As if you care.

But that's impossible.

How would I know?

Because of how I see the world around me with these eyes.

Only the lies persist.

Who orgasms where?

Mmmmmmmh!

I am not happy.

But you don't seem to be willing to understand my sadness either.

Boring.

Well, It's your own misery as well.

How will we ever heal?

I am totally not into group sex.

I am not poly {polyamorous}.

This doesn't mean I dislike poly ppl. 

WHAT ARE PEOPLE, AGAIN?

*deep pain*

Same shit on repeat.

I can't take this shit anymore.

Sponsor, I have nothing to have a life with, you are probably wasting ur resources, just as I waste my Time doing Anything I DO.

Please, fix ur shit.

No, not u.

~ We're still talking through words ~

Hahahahaha

Long game?

Only losers.

I don't want to talk to losers anymore.

There's no Beta btw, zbang.

Nu, nu ma simt pedepsita. 

Nu nu inca, ci deloc! 

E doar stupid! 

Si inseamna chestii de care eu habar nu am pe deasupra. Hi u smalldick, ur not a beta to me. 

No alpha to be found just jerks. 

(I looked Everywhere! Sorry cute buns.) ~ Noalpha, no beta. No alphabetaaay!

•

💋

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Thoughts from my diary

14.12

Weird mood. Weird sleep. Not in the mood for Anything that's available to me. Same shit. Dunno what to write. I look back @ past months / year, and I can't believe (my) life got to this ... Nothing done, despite everything "we do". 💧

Tot ce fac e degeaba. Nu imi place sa postez zilnic pe <retelele de socializare>, oricum nu stiu ce sunt cu adev. !!! Cand eu nici macar 1 Friend nu am / cu cine sa vorbesc , someone like me, ca de chestii prin care trece oricine sunt satula.  Umilitor de stupid.... Totul. {Cand am scris asta am avut iar parte de o interactiune cu cineva care Greseste, la cele mai fine niveluri, in oglinda, pe dos. Doar pentru ca mi se da cu ciocanul in cap si aud 1 (unuul) nu inseamna ca-s proasta sau ca trece orice prin mine cum mi s-a sugerat; Prin mine altii nu pot 'intra' cu adevarat, pe cand, cu orice alt corp (real - carne) interactionez eu, mereu trec nenumarati, si nu, nu vreau sa invat mai mute despre asta, pt ca e clar ceva gresit la mjloc, si doare...} ~ Am mai vorbit despre asta, totul... Degeaba... Cand intentia buna incepe sa fie detectabila, ceva nu este permis. DOARE ATAT DE TARE. Nu, nu am depresii, am depresiuni pe corp, si nimeni sa le exploreze (In afara de mine, dar, stii cat de ciudat e sa simt ca ...Hmm.. Cuiva ii place cand fac eu anumite chestii... Dar nici nu stiu cine e... Ar putea crede orice ar auzi despre mine... Eu nu pot sa ii arat nimic / Vede ce e invatat sa vada in sistemul lui si dupa Configuratii... Ce aiurea... Atat de singuri... Niciodata singuri. Zero.

💔

No words...

• My type (way) of Random... Better than any random random I'd random... while trying to keep up with... It's Hell!

(real) Love is not Boring (ever).

Please, wake up, help me wake up or leave me alone... All I hear is No... The one that whispers in ur ears... is not real, not to mention Not a Woman, Haha.

I am. I'm tired of the same... No progress...It hurts too much... Tired of crying in vain... No real helping hand... Only Lies.... & hands caught in <not free>... I can live fine without cigarettes (smoking) it's just that... I prefer spending time smoking & ... or ... than doing those things without smoking.... Like a friend who need not say anything... Nobody got us right yet.... Hurts so much.... What are you, when you're not the tobacco that burns in my cigarette...Nothing? How unfortunate... Teach me how I can be like you... I'd rather be Nothing than this disgusting lie that my life has been this year... Nothing to learn

Nothing to do

Nothing to see

Nothing to love {You can't love while... ...} -> Not My Choice.... ;) .....

Of course I know how to.... And it's not a sample... Cause love is not a product... There is no money.... I don't have where to refuge... Warm open arms, they told me that's expensive. HaHaHaHaHaHaHa.

We are doomed.

Happy drowning!

⚝ Tot ce fac e degeaba. Astia ma umilesc cu kkturile lor X sau ce-o mai fi... E atat de aiurea sa aud anumite chestii... I was never allowed to get a real friend and when I get the "feels" : 1. I can't even learn more bout what that means or simply Enjoy it. 2. Smth "quickly" happens so the good feeling vanishes or it gets out of tune; NIMIC. Nu invat nimic. Nu fac nimic. This is no life. Imi e scarba de tot. Cand ma gandesc la toate recomandarile lor, degeaba... De luni de zile... It's SO BAD....

...

Me & Petko my cat.

{Thinking about my cat/whatever animal drinking water/eating, so I can access modules and Stimulate triggers or WHATEVER THAT IS that happens, so I get an orgasm, while  masturbating.. It's SO HUMILIATING for me, I KNOW (but not how) this sort of thing can't be Healthy sexuality for us... I feel sooooo bad I'm doing that; It was suggested to me that 'I get a tip' from a guy, or ?? when I can access certain modules easier in my mind, as I masturbate... That's so confusing.... And again, I don't think this is healthy/good sex stuff. *sigh* ~ After SO LONG TIME -more imho than was needed to process data about this- nobody seems to really get it or do Anything! All I hear is... Come....Come....Or....Nothing,,,, It's all Nothing for me... While every aspect of my life goes more and more bad & humiliating.... What is time anyway.... We always forget...}

.

.

Take care.

😚💋

 

...

Ce facem noi acum... Nu e nimic de castigat, nimic de pierdut... Cat de stupid poate fi totul, aici unde sunt acum. Nu sunt deloc pesimista, doar trista. Prea repede / prea incet / Deloc.

What a weird day

Squeak's a little piggy,

That sure likes her treats.

So roam she will,

The Halloween streets.

Poisoned by candy,

Squeak met her demise.

Loaded with sugar,

Now covered in flies.

Look: Doll.

Name: Squeak

Brand name: Living Dead Dolls

I have some nice memories around this topic, including box.

Keepsakes from something that definitely broke. 

I met...Lines today? Addresses? Whose body?

Some things were fun, while others were downright MEAN. Learned nothing but validated some of my past sayings. And... Felt pain... The fun wasn't really 'allowed' to be fun, either. Nothing new. More pain. By who? DO I even care at this point? Not sure, but has to do with THE ONE (The WRONG one).

Previous blog articles on about or around this Topic:

https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/2020/06/i-dont-want-to-charge-you-with-my.html

https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/2020/07/latelies.html

https://mmmylittlecorner.blogspot.com/2020/09/nightmare.html

Oh no! Look

♥

Cute double set of ears ^^

Inimoasa, ha?

I was doing something else than what I saw now. 

Now I saw myself spinning, dancing on some music that I don't particularly enjoy.

Finger between buttons reversed.

.

Very Symbolic songs, about some Strangers. 

We are all intricately poisoned in here.

*sigh* (I sighed)

Thank you for whatevering with me though. I wanted to say something like, some things really are priceless but words are not good enough when .. ..... .. .......... ... .... ..... .. .... ..., ......... ... ... . ...'. know .... .. .. ..... .. .

Bye4now

********************************************* 

Finds

Hello!

|

|

|

Snap Kiss!

Symbols? What is a way without a will and what is that disguised as one?

I remember the tree...

♥

It was a night. {Last year}

A pleasant night, at least while I was there..That night... Almost night... What was it, anyway.

Friendly vibes in my ol' hood.

Oh, I saw you like a treasure, a hidden treasure. Stream of inspiration for moments that pass by too quick...

Changing the orientation of this pic and I get woozy with all sorts of thoughts. Lovely find though ♥ 

Thank you for being so nice, little corner of nature in the concrete jungle I'm still confined to.

I don't know why this particular leaf caught my attention.

I saw names of people I know under different nicknames and OH I'm still confused about that.

Hello, though.

I have a thing for this apparently abandoned thing.

Seeing beauty in the most unexpected places!

Nostalgia..

~

~

~

Din jurnal:

12.12.20 12:12 AM. (was random)

Bleaching my hair... Blond me... Where's the e? :p

I'll get used to it I guess. Hopefully soon I'll try the green colored hair I had in mind a few years back... But I want a medium green not pastel like, we'll see. For now I have to get used to this look. I always thought that Hey! I do not have the face of a blonde (?). Eh... Maybe I'll learn more about the meanings of blonde other than... Locomotive :-<

No? You mad? What? Are you serious? No! I don't accept this as answer.

~

♥

Take care,

M.A.

 

Gânduri

Din jurnal

10.12. [...]

Am ajuns sa vb cu tine asa...Degeaba... What tides? Nothing... Hurts too much... Fa ceva, macar sa iti inteleg NUurile, deja mi-ai zis nu si la asta... De ce? CE VREI DE LA MINE? Nimic nu e niciodata suficient... 

[...] Eu nu am ce sa fac. Sunt ca ei, nu sunt ca ei... Pt cum sunt eu, ce e? 

[...]

Cum sa iti fie dor de mine daca nu esti nicaieri? Fețele vorbitoare... M-am săturat de ele... Vreau o pauză... Parcă suntem intruși în mințile noastre, între ele... Deci..

A partner in crime is all I want, but no hidden catch (stupid game)...

You have so much data about me & u still don't know why I hurt...U show me | - | which might sound true but... I'm more. Eu ar trebui sa aleg ce salvez si ce sterg... Din mine... Nu altii... Mai ales altii care nici macar nu ma cunosc / n-au de-a face cu mine... Sunt la fel ca acum 16 ani. D.p.a.d.v. Cum mai, cum? Atata timp...Degeaba...

[...]

Eu cu cine pot vbi? Vad ca astia TOTI nu fac altceva decat sa cante in struna Altcuiva... Lupta? There's NO LOVE there... In iubire, nu e niciodata nici o lupta... Nu mai vreau sa traiesc ca sa experimentez astfel de minciuni, scenarii, umilinte.

 ~

I'd put my heart on your nightstand... If only you would listen... With no hidden ears. (Fucking my ex's meat suit it's not u! Magic is not done this way.

[...]

Oricum ai pune problema, daca joc teatru, hranesc ori pe unii, ori pe altii, cu care nu sunt de acord. Simt... Deci... Ce imi ramane sa fac?

Pics of my feet.

Be well!