Thoughts from my diary

14.12

Weird mood. Weird sleep. Not in the mood for Anything that's available to me. Same shit. Dunno what to write. I look back @ past months / year, and I can't believe (my) life got to this ... Nothing done, despite everything "we do". 💧

Tot ce fac e degeaba. Nu imi place sa postez zilnic pe <retelele de socializare>, oricum nu stiu ce sunt cu adev. !!! Cand eu nici macar 1 Friend nu am / cu cine sa vorbesc , someone like me, ca de chestii prin care trece oricine sunt satula.  Umilitor de stupid.... Totul. {Cand am scris asta am avut iar parte de o interactiune cu cineva care Greseste, la cele mai fine niveluri, in oglinda, pe dos. Doar pentru ca mi se da cu ciocanul in cap si aud 1 (unuul) nu inseamna ca-s proasta sau ca trece orice prin mine cum mi s-a sugerat; Prin mine altii nu pot 'intra' cu adevarat, pe cand, cu orice alt corp (real - carne) interactionez eu, mereu trec nenumarati, si nu, nu vreau sa invat mai mute despre asta, pt ca e clar ceva gresit la mjloc, si doare...} ~ Am mai vorbit despre asta, totul... Degeaba... Cand intentia buna incepe sa fie detectabila, ceva nu este permis. DOARE ATAT DE TARE. Nu, nu am depresii, am depresiuni pe corp, si nimeni sa le exploreze (In afara de mine, dar, stii cat de ciudat e sa simt ca ...Hmm.. Cuiva ii place cand fac eu anumite chestii... Dar nici nu stiu cine e... Ar putea crede orice ar auzi despre mine... Eu nu pot sa ii arat nimic / Vede ce e invatat sa vada in sistemul lui si dupa Configuratii... Ce aiurea... Atat de singuri... Niciodata singuri. Zero.

💔

No words...

• My type (way) of Random... Better than any random random I'd random... while trying to keep up with... It's Hell!

(real) Love is not Boring (ever).

Please, wake up, help me wake up or leave me alone... All I hear is No... The one that whispers in ur ears... is not real, not to mention Not a Woman, Haha.

I am. I'm tired of the same... No progress...It hurts too much... Tired of crying in vain... No real helping hand... Only Lies.... & hands caught in <not free>... I can live fine without cigarettes (smoking) it's just that... I prefer spending time smoking & ... or ... than doing those things without smoking.... Like a friend who need not say anything... Nobody got us right yet.... Hurts so much.... What are you, when you're not the tobacco that burns in my cigarette...Nothing? How unfortunate... Teach me how I can be like you... I'd rather be Nothing than this disgusting lie that my life has been this year... Nothing to learn

Nothing to do

Nothing to see

Nothing to love {You can't love while... ...} -> Not My Choice.... ;) .....

Of course I know how to.... And it's not a sample... Cause love is not a product... There is no money.... I don't have where to refuge... Warm open arms, they told me that's expensive. HaHaHaHaHaHaHa.

We are doomed.

Happy drowning!

⚝ Tot ce fac e degeaba. Astia ma umilesc cu kkturile lor X sau ce-o mai fi... E atat de aiurea sa aud anumite chestii... I was never allowed to get a real friend and when I get the "feels" : 1. I can't even learn more bout what that means or simply Enjoy it. 2. Smth "quickly" happens so the good feeling vanishes or it gets out of tune; NIMIC. Nu invat nimic. Nu fac nimic. This is no life. Imi e scarba de tot. Cand ma gandesc la toate recomandarile lor, degeaba... De luni de zile... It's SO BAD....

...

Me & Petko my cat.

{Thinking about my cat/whatever animal drinking water/eating, so I can access modules and Stimulate triggers or WHATEVER THAT IS that happens, so I get an orgasm, while  masturbating.. It's SO HUMILIATING for me, I KNOW (but not how) this sort of thing can't be Healthy sexuality for us... I feel sooooo bad I'm doing that; It was suggested to me that 'I get a tip' from a guy, or ?? when I can access certain modules easier in my mind, as I masturbate... That's so confusing.... And again, I don't think this is healthy/good sex stuff. *sigh* ~ After SO LONG TIME -more imho than was needed to process data about this- nobody seems to really get it or do Anything! All I hear is... Come....Come....Or....Nothing,,,, It's all Nothing for me... While every aspect of my life goes more and more bad & humiliating.... What is time anyway.... We always forget...}

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Take care.

😚💋